To NEVER EVER open my front door after dark again?

[HoneyDragon]

I just remembered to put the bottles out for the milk man. Open front door, step out. Next thing

FWAP

the biggest fucking toad ever has LANDED ON MY ACTUAL FOOT.

I screamed a bit. The toad went "bwurk" the dog barked and ran and hid, the toad slid off when I tried to run away.

Milk bottles are now out.

The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats.


So I shall simply cease forthwith utilising my front door after sunset and maintain my dignity. Ok?

[MoonlightandRoses]

- would some & make it all better?

[BigW]

I'd move. It's the only reasonable course of action.

[CoolaSchmoola]

Fook!!!

Stay in during the hours of darkness forever!

[DramaAlpaca]

It could have been worse.

You could have stepped on him.

Squelch!!

[anonnymousey]

That's frikin hilarious! Some guard dog you've got there...

[RiotsNotDiets]

YANBU

[MichelleRouxJnr]

What's the difference between a toad and a frog?

[ruby1234]

Ugh, toads.
Years ago we were outside latish on. My DH said 'the bloody dog has left a present on the patio' and went to scoop it up with a shovel.

Said 'present' jumped up off the shovel down DH top. Was a toad!

[BitBewildered]

Better or worse than stepping on a snail in bare feet?

[RiotsNotDiets]

I booted a hedgehog by accident once, nearly broke my toe. It was dark and I was stoned, very freaky.

[Mummybookworm]

Arf at this -

" The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats. "

[woodlandwanderwoman]

Thank you for making me laugh :-) not at you, but at the wonderful way you recounted the story!

Maybe YABABU but I think with good cause and I'd do the same!

[gordyslovesheep]

I don't mind toads but slugs

I used to live in a shared house with a loooooong path from gate to door - a loooong dark path - if it wasn't a crunchy snail it was a slippy slug - ever 3rd fucking step

[ElleBelly]

Chuckle at "bwurk", not "ribbit"
Perhaps that's the difference between frogs and toads

[HoneyDragon]

Frogs go dwoing!

Toads go Fwap.

Yes, but I was barefoot so would only have trod on it very very briefly. Nearly treading on frogs is a standard back garden hazard.

Having your foot fwapped by a toad is AWFUL.

[MichelleRouxJnr]

Oh God stepping on a snail full stop gives me the worst guilt.
What's the right thing to do?
His home/protection is gone and he's likely in pain - should I finish him off

[Lweji]

Frogs - leaner and mostly on water
Toads - chunkier and mostly on land.

[RevoltingPeasant]

OP 0, toad 5

Sorry OP

I love that it said "bwurk". This is clearly toad for "my work here is done".

[ShakeAndVac]

Yep. "Bwerk" means "mission accomplished - scaring the crap out of someone."

No toads here. Although I did step on a slug in bare feet when taking something out to the bin the other night. Blee!!

[Salmotrutta]

It's a crap toad if it said "bwurk".

It should have been "bwork"

Just sayin'...

[Salmotrutta]

Frogs are better anyway.

Less warty.

[Salmotrutta]

I just thought of something.

Imagine if it had been a bat.

It might have flown into your face!!

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

What were you weraing?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Also, this is not as gross as what happened to me earlier. Well, maybe not...

I came downstairs in the dark and then noticed a darkish shape on the cream carpet of the stairs. Hoping it wasn't a spider, I turned the light on....

Obviously it was the biggest spider EVER, although looking rather sorry for itself. Yes, reader, I had stepped on it whilst going down the stairs.

After screeching and jumping about a bit, I made DH take it outside and sat down in the living room.... Only to discover on the bottom of my foot, two of the monster's legs.

I actually have a bruise now from where I slapped them off.

[HoneyDragon]

Salmo

May I suggest you open my front door from now on and you can assess the crappness of my doorstep amphibians your self?