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To NEVER EVER open my front door after dark again?

(98 Posts)
HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:17:13

I just remembered to put the bottles out for the milk man. Open front door, step out. Next thing


the biggest fucking toad ever has LANDED ON MY ACTUAL FOOT.

I screamed a bit. The toad went "bwurk" the dog barked and ran and hid, the toad slid off when I tried to run away.

Milk bottles are now out.

The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats. blush

So I shall simply cease forthwith utilising my front door after sunset and maintain my dignity. Ok?

MoonlightandRoses Mon 26-Aug-13 22:18:36

grin grin - would some wine & cake make it all better?

BigW Mon 26-Aug-13 22:18:58

I'd move. It's the only reasonable course of action.

CoolaSchmoola Mon 26-Aug-13 22:19:07


Stay in during the hours of darkness forever!

DramaAlpaca Mon 26-Aug-13 22:19:10

It could have been worse.

You could have stepped on him.

Squelch!! grin

anonnymousey Mon 26-Aug-13 22:19:16

That's frikin hilarious! Some guard dog you've got there...

RiotsNotDiets Mon 26-Aug-13 22:19:21

<shudders> YANBU

MichelleRouxJnr Mon 26-Aug-13 22:19:31

What's the difference between a toad and a frog?

ruby1234 Mon 26-Aug-13 22:19:50

Ugh, toads.
Years ago we were outside latish on. My DH said 'the bloody dog has left a present on the patio' and went to scoop it up with a shovel.

Said 'present' jumped up off the shovel down DH top. Was a toad!

BitBewildered Mon 26-Aug-13 22:20:09

Better or worse than stepping on a snail in bare feet?

RiotsNotDiets Mon 26-Aug-13 22:20:51

I booted a hedgehog by accident once, nearly broke my toe. It was dark and I was stoned, very freaky.

Mummybookworm Mon 26-Aug-13 22:21:33

Arf at this -

" The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats. "

woodlandwanderwoman Mon 26-Aug-13 22:21:59

Thank you for making me laugh :-) not at you, but at the wonderful way you recounted the story!

Maybe YABABU but I think with good cause and I'd do the same!

gordyslovesheep Mon 26-Aug-13 22:22:04

I don't mind toads but slugs <shivers>

I used to live in a shared house with a loooooong path from gate to door - a loooong dark path - if it wasn't a crunchy snail it was a slippy slug - ever 3rd fucking step

ElleBelly Mon 26-Aug-13 22:22:16

Chuckle at "bwurk", not "ribbit"
Perhaps that's the difference between frogs and toads

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:22:53

Frogs go dwoing!

Toads go Fwap.

Yes, but I was barefoot so would only have trod on it very very briefly. Nearly treading on frogs is a standard back garden hazard.

Having your foot fwapped by a toad is AWFUL.

MichelleRouxJnr Mon 26-Aug-13 22:23:10

Oh God stepping on a snail full stop gives me the worst guilt.
What's the right thing to do?
His home/protection is gone and he's likely in pain - should I finish him off shock sad

Lweji Mon 26-Aug-13 22:23:33

Frogs - leaner and mostly on water
Toads - chunkier and mostly on land.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 26-Aug-13 22:24:03

OP 0, toad 5

Sorry OP grin

I love that it said "bwurk". This is clearly toad for "my work here is done".

ShakeAndVac Mon 26-Aug-13 22:26:11

Yep. "Bwerk" means "mission accomplished - scaring the crap out of someone." grin

No toads here. Although I did step on a slug in bare feet when taking something out to the bin the other night. Blee!!

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:26:26

It's a crap toad if it said "bwurk".

It should have been "bwork"

Just sayin'...

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:27:00

Frogs are better anyway.

Less warty.

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:28:12

I just thought of something.

Imagine if it had been a bat.

It might have flown into your face!! shock

ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 26-Aug-13 22:28:47

What were you weraing?

<<more important than reptiles>>

RevoltingPeasant Mon 26-Aug-13 22:29:02

Also, this is not as gross as what happened to me earlier. Well, maybe not...

I came downstairs in the dark and then noticed a darkish shape on the cream carpet of the stairs. Hoping it wasn't a spider, I turned the light on....

Obviously it was the biggest spider EVER, although looking rather sorry for itself. Yes, reader, I had stepped on it whilst going down the stairs.

After screeching and jumping about a bit, I made DH take it outside and sat down in the living room.... Only to discover on the bottom of my foot, two of the monster's legs.

I actually have a bruise now from where I slapped them off.

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