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To dream about moving my family to live by the coast?

(50 Posts)
Loulah Mon 26-Aug-13 00:27:52

I have always dreamt of living by the sea and it is something dh and I have talked/ dreamt of for years but said we would do in retirement.

Recently though we (mainly me) have been thinking why wait? Friends of ours have done exactly what we have always talked of doing which has got us thinking!

My worry is AIBU to move my family away from the home they know? We have three children aged 14, 10 and 3 so apart from the youngest all have established lives. Eldest isn't great with new/unknown situations and can get anxious with change which obviously is a big consideration. Middle child has friends he would hate to leave and is quite dramatic if the topic is discussed but he is only 10 and can't see a time when he doesn't play in the park with his best friend.

We both have our parents, mine would probably move close to wherever we moved to and we don't see too much of dh's parents.

Whilst I think you should put your kids first I think we have maybe done too much of this to the point where we don't have much in our lives outside of them (they have always been my life but as they get older i am starting to think what will I have when they move on?)

My biggest worries are:

They hate it and don't settle.
Their education suffers.
They resent the move, and us.
They hate it...

The 'right' time to move would have been about 3 years ago! Due to ages of dc if we wait until youngest leaves school we will be retiring anyway.

Is there a right time? Oldest is part way through high school (gsce's next year)' middle one is doing SAT's this year and high school next year, youngest will start school next year.

Sorry so long!

Advice needed.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 26-Aug-13 08:48:14

I mean a holiday cottage...

WeAreEternal Mon 26-Aug-13 08:53:06

I did it and it was the best decision I ever made.

Maybe you could take a couple of holidays in the area you would like to move to so that the DCs can get used to the place.
Maybe even a taster day at the school to see if they can see themselves going there.

Valdeeves Mon 26-Aug-13 08:53:58

I grew up by the sea and other than looking at it there weren't any real advantages as we lived in the north and it was too cold.
I holidayed every year with relatives who lived there on the Essex coast - that was brilliant, always swimming in the sea, collecting jelly fish, crabbing - great weather - icecres, fun on all the local piers. My family were blasé about it which suggested the novelty wore off!
We now live in a town which is an hour/hour and a half from the Dorset coast and its brilliant to be able to take the kids to a lovely beach for a day out.I think living relatively close is enough - the weather's only good enough for the each four, five weekends a year unless you like walking in the wind and the cold (lots of people do with a dog and I do to be fair as I loooove the sea.)
If you really want beach life, perhaps broad is the way to go?
But just to add - I have moved six times now and the last was so painful. Think carefully before you uproot your life.

saintlyjimjams Mon 26-Aug-13 09:05:20

Tbf I think wetsuits have changed access to the sea. Ds1 & I go in the sea pretty much all year round. We sat out Feb & March this year because of illness/extreme cold/no surf but that's unusual for us to be out so long.

Allegrogirl Mon 26-Aug-13 09:18:53

YANBU. We live by the coast and we would not move inland. DH is from West Wales and my parents are both Westcountry although military family so I lived all over the place growing up.

Me and DH lived in London when we were first married but felt utterly miserable every time the sun came out. We moved to a city by the sea so relatively cheap house prices, theatre and cinema etc but only 20 minutes from the beach. Unemployment still an issue though and really hard to break into jobs due to people moving here for the lifestyle once they are established.

What sort of area were you thinking of OP? A small town or village can be tough for DCs if they don't fit in with the clique. My parents moved to Cornwall when I was 13 and it was really, really tough being in a village. I had no life until I passed my driving test.

prettybutclumpy Mon 26-Aug-13 09:19:53

primalass are you in North Berwick? Would love to chat if you are, as we are hoping to move there soon.

freddiefrog Mon 26-Aug-13 09:30:49

We did it 10 years ago and while it does have it's negatives, I'd never move back.

Our eldest child was only 6 months old though, no schooling/friends/etc so worry about.

As much as I love it, it does have its downsides.

Work - there is none, apart from in care homes or seasonal stuff on minimum wage

Tourists - as much as I love the summer and love the way our town comes alive, it's still nice come September when everyone buggers off home. I love taking a flask of hot chocolate and having a stomp about on the beach with the kids and dog on a filthy November day

There are problems with young people. low aspirations/no work/etc and drug and alcohol misuse, it's not some idyll where all kids are caught up in Enid Blyton-type adventures on boats and rockpools and you don't have to scratch the surface very far to find it.

That said, my kids adore it, but then they've never known any different. Both mine are into Sea Scouts and surfing,sailing, watersports-y type stuff and have very outdoorsy/active lifestyles

Although I have to say, you do end up taking it for granted. I can see the sea right now, but you end up not really noticing it after a while. This summer, we haven't really been to the beach any more than we would have done if it was a 2 hour drive iyswim

primallass Mon 26-Aug-13 09:39:13

prettybutclumpy - no we are in Fife. I love North Berwick though. I think it is easier to be near the sea but near civilisation in Scotland as it is smaller. Within an hour we have Stirling, Glasgow, Falkirk, Dunfermline, Glenrothes, Livingston, Dundee, Edinburgh etc for jobs.

AngelsWithSilverWings Mon 26-Aug-13 10:09:08

Where I live ( in Essex) is by the sea but it's only 40 mins from central London and there are plenty of jobs and great schools.

It's no where near as beautiful as Cornwall but it's pretty and has a little sandy beach and I love being able to walk to it in 10 mins. It's busy all year round as it's not reliant on tourists and my favourite time here is on a sunny winters day. The kids paddle in their wellies and build sandcastles.

We find that in the summer we don't get down to the beach much as we are busy doing other things and it can be a bit crowded so not as relaxing as it should be.

I absolutely adore Cornwall and the amazing beaches and If I won the lottery I would buy a holiday home there but I'd want to stay living exactly where I am now.

Silverfoxballs Mon 26-Aug-13 10:13:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cravey Mon 26-Aug-13 10:18:23

We live on the coast. It's lovely. I think it depends where you intend to go. Sme places have low employment and bad education. Others are pretty good. The only downside for me as others said is tourists. It's the pure fact that many of them are self entitled and rude. It's almost as if they get to the beach and turn into a loon. My boys grew up here. They are now 22. They surfed, water skied etc. it's a lovely life.

FrenchRuby Mon 26-Aug-13 10:20:55

I live by the sea and its hell in Summer, I don't go to the beach nearly as much as you'd think because of the tourists. You can't move on the beach in the summer. But saying that, I'm not a summer beach person anyway.

Mojavewonderer Mon 26-Aug-13 10:30:04

Don't let these misers put you off your dream!!!
I have lived by the sea and loved it! I got married on a hill top looking out to see that's how much I adore it. Not everywhere is touristy and you can always commute to work.
When my husband and I retire we are moving to live by the sea and will be picking a quiet village but still commutable to London. Can't bloody wait!

freddiefrog Mon 26-Aug-13 10:30:17

It's the pure fact that many of them are self entitled and rude. It's almost as if they get to the beach and turn into a loon.

Totally agree. It's "Yachties" here that cause problems. They seem to think that acquiring a boat gives them a free-pass to behave like a dickhead.

Bowlersarm Mon 26-Aug-13 10:33:08

I think if anyone is thinking of moving areas totally, regardless of whether to the coast or not, it really is better to do it with the children being as young as possible.

If you think you will do it, then I would do it now to give your eldest a few years at a new school.

And definitely before they start getting serious boyfriends/girlfriends.

Goldensunnydays81 Mon 26-Aug-13 10:39:24

People here saying that lots of teenagers in seaside towns/villages drink take drugs and have sex but is there difference for teenagers in towns/ cities? What extra things are there for teenagers to do?
My brother had a bit of time drinking when he was younger but I think he would have done this regardless of us living by the sea or not. Me and all my friends growing up never did and all had a lovely childhood!

Rufus43 Mon 26-Aug-13 11:01:08

Depends what part of the country you are thinking of. I live in a little village 10 mins walk from a stony beach. It is not a tourist destination and so does not have tourist problems. Good schools, sailing club you can join socially which is fab for teenagers, youth club, skatepark etc. 20 miles from two cities and 10 mins from two towns

flowery Mon 26-Aug-13 14:47:09

"for teens it meant lots and lots of drugs, alcohol and underage sex on the beach."

There are always going to be groups of teens everywhere who do drugs, drink and have underage sex. You don't need a beach for that, and that certainly wasn't the reality for us as teenagers.

I'd say there was more to do for teenagers where we were by the sea than there is where we are now, because there was all the usual stuff, cinemas, bowling etc nearby, and the beach.

brainwashed Mon 26-Aug-13 15:04:54

Prettybutclumpy if you need any info about north Berwick you can contact me. I love it here ..wouldn't live anywhere else now!

Loulah Mon 26-Aug-13 20:10:10

Thank you everyone - lots of food for thought. Nothing else to add really but will post if we take the plunge!

Takver Mon 26-Aug-13 20:19:16

"for teens it meant lots and lots of drugs, alcohol and underage sex on the beach."

I thought that was meant to be a positive grin

Seriously, we live 5 minutes walk from the sea, and I love it - we go to the beach loads (its our default outing in summer), our small town has proper shops (butcher, chemist, baker etc) because tourists use them, the teens all seem to have a great time & go to loads of parties. I know loads of 2nd generation incomers - people whose parents came here in the 60s/70s - most lived away for a bit if they went to uni but came back in their late 20s to settle down. However getting a job is a challenge! (We run our own business, so don't have that problem.)

Kendodd Mon 26-Aug-13 20:23:28

Where do you live now OP? and where do you want to go? The UK is a small country and we are never very far from the coast so you could move and still be within easy reach of friends/family.

I think you should do it. You only get one life so why wait, after all, you could always move back if you didn't like it.

Feminine Mon 26-Aug-13 20:29:23

jove are you saying that "as a local" you didn't accept newcomers?


Wherever you move it will be up to you to make it work. smile

We have made MASSIVE life changes ( in terms of moving) over the last 10 years. I really can't say enough, that it really is possible to live almost just has to adapt.

Good Luck...I actually don't think you have anything to lose. We did a similar thing last year with very similar age groups!

TalcAndTurnips Mon 26-Aug-13 20:41:18

Living by the sea can mean so many things; anything from rural windswept isolation or small village community, right through to busy city life.

I have lived no further than half a mile from the south coast my entire life - in both rural and urban areas. I can't imagine living anywhere else. My children have grown up with things to do on their doorstep all year round - it doesn't always have to be quiet and shut up during the winter months.

It can often be much milder on the coast in winter too - we have relatively few frosts and snow is rarer than inland. Of course there can be some cracking gales, but it cam feel snug to be warm indoors as the maelstrom lashes outside.

Don't abandon your dream, Loulah - there is a good quality of life to be lived if you weigh up your priorities carefully.

Pink10 Mon 26-Aug-13 22:10:48

I would love to move to the Cornish coast - Padstow especially. However, I don't imagine it would be as nice as it is to live there as it is to holiday. House prices are so expensive and even with a public sector job I'm not sure how easy it would be to work there - do the Teachers stay in their roles for a lifetime etc. Anyway, I still also dream of moving to the coast.
I think with your eldest now is the time to move or after GCSEs as others have said for 6th form.

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