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DD totally fucked up her GCSEs. AIBU to tell her 'I told you so'?

(304 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Sun 25-Aug-13 21:01:31

Of course I won't but I am very, very cross about it. She got 2 Ds, 2 Es and 3 Fs FFS. All through secondary we have had problems with her being disruptive at school, getting detentions, calls about her not doing her homework or engaging with the lessons, getting into spats with other girls about stuff which did not involve her (sticking up for friends).

She was forecast for 3Cs, 2Ds and 3Es which was bad enough but we hoped she would get the extra C through the exams to get into the college course that she was so excited about doing and which we have supported her in doing even though I have my doubts (performing arts) but I wanted her to do something she enjoyed.

We have lectured her, given her 'pep talks', taken away privileges, shouted, screamed at her and now we have the end result - totally crap grades so she will not be able to do the college course she wanted to do and will have to spend the next year retaking as many as possible at a cost to us. I even frogmarched her to maths club one day as she was so behind but she refused to go again and I could'nt do that every bloody week. Ditto homework club/science club.

She has never been diagnosed with any SENs, her teachers have always stated that she is very bright and would do fine if she would just shut up and listen. She seems to have disengaged with reality and decided that she was going to become a singer/rapper so school was not important. She spends hours writing rap lyrics and listening to that bloody Iggy Azalea (most annoying songs ever). She has even insisted that she will be moving to LA as soon as she is 18 and do whatever it takes to become a 'sooperstarrr' hmm and I fully support her in that 'dream' and hope she can achieve it (not by moving to LA and living in the bins waiting to be discovered though grin) but she needs to at least get some qualifications first!

I could bloody shake her very hard. She thinks she knows everything. Aaaarrrrgggh. Any suggestions on what to do with her?

CoffeeOne Sun 25-Aug-13 21:06:11

How did she react to the results? Does she say what she plans to do for the next year or so? Sounds like it's been hard for both of you.

teenagetantrums Sun 25-Aug-13 21:07:38

No suggestions I wish I did. I could have written that post although amazingly my daughter managed to scrape 3 c's , in subjects she was predicated at least b's in, she failed English maths and science..I was tempted to say I told you so, but was not worth the drama. She is bloody lucky that the college course she applied for have agreed to take her even though she does not have the grades they needed, I just hope she has learnt her lesson and will actually try and work now. What's your daughters plan now for the next to years before she moves to LA smile

teenagetantrums Sun 25-Aug-13 21:08:53

Sorry just saw she is resitting.

youmeatsix Sun 25-Aug-13 21:09:49

if she has dreams of making it big in LA, and the thought of repeating a year without her peers hasnt made her knuckle down, i think you are hoping for something that isnt going to happen unfortunately

TrueStory Sun 25-Aug-13 21:10:18

No suggestions, sorry.

But it must be very annoying difficult to live with a teenager who has such unrealistic dreams, encouraged by the media, etc. But I suspect its fairly common. I suppose all you can do is let her learn the game of "consequences" and make her own way. I guess that's hard to do though ... Also, is her poor behaviour restricted to school?

What does your daughter think about her poor grades?

Finola1step Sun 25-Aug-13 21:12:26

When I read the title, I was ready to say YABVVU. But reading the details if your post.. blimey Tiaras, you must have some patience!

Def go down the resit route. But don't pay for all of it - she needs to contribute too. Good luck.

Finola1step Sun 25-Aug-13 21:12:44


BoneyBackJefferson Sun 25-Aug-13 21:13:55

The next year will be the "tell", assuming that she is retaking at college, she will have to do the all the work herself as the support that the school offers just won't be there.

Sparklymommy Sun 25-Aug-13 21:14:14

GCSEs are not the b all and end all. I understand that from a parents point of view it feels like the end of the world but the chances are it will give her the shock needed to buck her ideas up.

First and foremost: talk to the college. See if there is any leeway over the grades. Perhaps she can start the course whilst doing resits, at least for English and Maths.

Explain how disappointed you are and ask her how she feels. It may be that she doesn't get on with academic work but that doesn't mean the end of her life.

Beastofburden Sun 25-Aug-13 21:16:14

The fact that college has turned her down will say more to her than you ever could. It is the first blast of chill reality.

The modern way is more forgiving than in our day. It is not such a disaster to retake, have years out etc. FE colleges do an amazing job In motivating kids to have another go. As your DD is basically bright, as soon as she cares enough to try, she will be fine.

But I would challenge you on why she is retaking at a cost to you. Sounds as if you are rewarding her by sending her to a nice little private retakes college where she can continue in her entitled behaviour, and quite possibly develop even worse habits around drink and drugs among other welathy refusniks. I would encourage you, if its not too late, to look at the full time GCSE course offered by your local FE. College. It will be free, for a start, unless she is over 19. More to the point, she will be in classes with kids who have proper gown up issues in their lives. My disabled DD has retaken her GCSEs at fe college last year, in a class of 11 kids doing Maths, English,double science and media. Some kids were young carers, others had overcome difficult childhoods. Nobody was an entitled young madam.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 25-Aug-13 21:16:16

Fucking x factor has a lot to answer for hmm

Can you talk to the college? are they willing to take her on to the course with the lower grades and let her resit whilst on the course?

College life may suit her more though - although she WILL have to take responsibility for her own work as the tutors will not chase her up, they will just mark her down if she doesn't do the work.

I was a nightmare at school - i left without sitting a single GCSE (or o level - showing my age!) I just wasn't mature enough - I went back when i was in my 20s, i have a PhD now!

My DD much the same - left with worse grades than your dd, has a perfectly good job, which, most importantly, she ENJOYs and at 23 is doing ok.

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 25-Aug-13 21:16:37

Maybe this is the first time consequences will actually hit home. Tell her to start saving for LA because you won't be paying. Perhaps you should spare a thought for some of the young people on her classes who, if not for your dd's behaviour, mght have got an A instead of a B, or a B instead of a C, etc. Who have gone home in tears because of the days events and because they wanted to learn.

The whole thing is very sad for all concerned.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 25-Aug-13 21:17:53

She'll last all of 5 minutes in a performing arts course I'm afraid which is all about dedication, discipline, deadlines & working as part of a creative team.

saintmerryweather Sun 25-Aug-13 21:19:53

make her speak to the college. i would make her take responsibility for getting herself out of the mess she is in, if you are ready to swoop in and fix it when she messes up she will just carry on

Rummikub Sun 25-Aug-13 21:19:59

Does the college offer a btec level 2 in performing arts that they will take her on? She could resist the english / maths at same time, depending on grade?

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 25-Aug-13 21:20:52

Perhaps get her to take a look at the notapushym website. Particularly the threads about the difficulties if being allowed to enter or work in the US unless you have dual nationality.

Beastofburden Sun 25-Aug-13 21:21:38

I really wouldnt try to get her onto the course by negotiating a deal despite her grades. This is a golden opportunity for her to learn that actions have consequences, and it isn't even your fault. Don't waste it! If she doesn't learn this lesson, she will blow the performing arts course, and/or be totslly blown out of the water in LA by organised, together, dedicatede kids who want the same things she does- so it's not as if you will save any time....

girliefriend Sun 25-Aug-13 21:21:39

I would be telling her to get a job tbh. Maybe a stint in the 'real world' would do her good.

Sounds stressful sad

greenfolder Sun 25-Aug-13 21:22:35

the overiding frustration is that you cant MAKE them do anything at all.

strongly suggest that you leave her to it, because your best efforts will make no difference at all. i had to do this with dd1 and it killed me.

do not make her go back to school to do retakes, really. find an FE college- if necessary see what level 2 course she can do alongside a retake of english and maths. and leave her to it. also make sure she gets a crap part time job to fund her dreams.

and step away

Wearytiger Sun 25-Aug-13 21:25:41

beastofburden great post. I have to say my BIL went to a private retakes college (after being expelled ) and I always wonder why his parents paid for him to mix with a fairly over privileged and under motivated group... Even his dad called it the school for naughty boys!

BreeWannabe Sun 25-Aug-13 21:25:50

Tell her she can't go and live in LA because she won't get a visa to work there (true).

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 25-Aug-13 21:27:13

My dh teaches in a performing arts college. One if the students there has just been on The Voice. He's also just done really well in his exams.

The ones who make it ate the ones who are focused and work hard.

KingscoteStaff Sun 25-Aug-13 21:27:35

Yes yes to not funding retakes.

Your local FE college will offer a full time GCSE course.

And step WELL back...

LaurieFairyCake Sun 25-Aug-13 21:29:01

How about you say you will only support retakes if she gets a job to contribute/pay for it.

Loafing about doing fuck all isn't a possibility in the real world - which is what I frequently tell my 15 year old grin

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