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To wonder why it takes men more than 5 minutes to have a poo??

(90 Posts)
natwebb79 Sat 24-Aug-13 10:48:19

Just that really. If you need one enough to go to the loo surely it shouldn't take that long?!?! (Obviously I'm not including people with bowel conditions in this). grin

OldMacEIEIO Mon 26-Aug-13 15:23:10

my ex was always ages on the loo because he had ring the coastguards to warn them there was a shipping hazard on the way

arethereanyleftatall Mon 26-Aug-13 14:03:17

Because they can.

DanicaJones Mon 26-Aug-13 13:55:19

Oops. Just repeated what SirChenjin said

DanicaJones Mon 26-Aug-13 13:52:13

Some of you seem to be married to men who spend their entire waking hours pooing.

SirChenjin Mon 26-Aug-13 13:35:58

I have no idea - and given that my DH poos 5 times a day he spends most of his waking hours in the loo.....he's in there for bloody hours, we have entire conversations through a locked door, it's the only way I can speak to him I am exaggerating but not much

BoozyBear Mon 26-Aug-13 13:33:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pilgit Mon 26-Aug-13 13:27:31

Saturday night dh found suspicious bruises on his leg. We worked out they are from his elbow where he has been holding his kindle whilst sitting on the loo. If you are in long enough to bruise you are in too long!

BaronessBomburst Mon 26-Aug-13 12:57:41

I think I read on here once that women are also quicker because we have more muscles in our nether regions so are better at pushing it all out. The vaginal muscles act as a fuel injection system; men just have a carburetor. grin

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 12:49:26

Astr0naut what does the man eat for tea??

He must get up looking like Russell Grant, and head off to work looking like Russell Brand.

Astr0naut Mon 26-Aug-13 12:29:37

Sorry, Should've said before he goes to work! He says it's healthy. One on waking up, one before shower and generally 'one last try' before he leaves.

Mrsdavidcaruso Mon 26-Aug-13 08:02:09

My DH says it's because he has a hairy arse so the paperwork takes longer

ipswichwitch Mon 26-Aug-13 07:54:27

I have ibs so it's normally a pretty speedy event, but now I'm 24 weeks pregnant and have the worst constipation ever. I keep wanting to go but then nothing happens (sob) so I'm in there for some time sad it's never relaxing "me time" either. I've either got toddler DS in there with me or "harridan with a stopwatch" boss on the warpath demanding to know where I've gone. It's not like I enjoy being stuck in works refrigerator sizes toilet ffs confused

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 07:53:46

Sorry, weekday/weekend. But still.

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 07:53:19

Astr0naut three every workday morning?!

Where does he work? Either somewhere very stressful, or as a chili pepper taster I'd wager.

Astr0naut Mon 26-Aug-13 07:43:40

dh likes about 3 in the morning on a weekend and 2 on a workday. He also likes a poo when he arrives home.

His favourite trick is pooing just before we leave, which adds to the time it takes to get out of the door.

When I was in labour with dc1, no one in dhs work could contact him-because he was pooing and didn't respond when people came looking for him!

CasperGutman Mon 26-Aug-13 07:28:40

We're just reading Mumsnet on our phones. We'll deny it if confronted, of course!

CorrineFoxworth Mon 26-Aug-13 02:06:45

Sadly they will not come en masse and say, "we are all having a leisurely wank afterwards" while you deal with the children and the house.

I have often questioned DH's "timing" which ALWAYS co-incides with the washing machine finishing hmm

DanicaJones Mon 26-Aug-13 01:29:29

I've wondered the same thing. We need a man to come on and explain.

CorrineFoxworth Mon 26-Aug-13 00:35:04

The Thinker

Of course he was! Have could I have not realised this before?

VianneFox Mon 26-Aug-13 00:28:16

it drives me up the bloody wall. My DH was in there for nearly an hour once

CoffeeandScones Sun 25-Aug-13 14:02:07

It's more than a bodily function. It's a time of quiet introspection, to look upon the world and assess your place in it, to plan the day ahead, to clear your mind and prepare to step back into the chaos of life.

That sculpure of "The Thinker"? He was on the pot.

natwebb79 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:47:42

I love how many opinions this has generated, haha!

BlingBang Sun 25-Aug-13 11:45:04

It's just for the peace and quiet and so they don't have to cope with whinging weans.

LondonMan Sun 25-Aug-13 11:02:33

Not sure if men in general take longer than women, we need proper statistics.

For those men and women who take longer than average, I suppose the cause could be haemorrhoids giving a false sense that there's more to come.

A lump may also be felt in the anus and large haemorrhoids give a sensation that the bowel hasn't emptied completely.

MardyBra Sun 25-Aug-13 10:41:51

BIL gets extraordinarily excited by the prospect of a post hot curry poo. hmm

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