My labour was better than yours- ner ner ner ner ner!(63 Posts)
I don't know if I'm being over sensitive here but my labour was fairly ineffective, traumatic, long and ended in a c-section. I was gutted at the time but pleased in the end and actually insisted on a c-section as was labouring for so long.
My lovely friend has a new born and said she didn't want to gloat but her labour went really well with no pain killers and it's a shame I had to have that 'nasty' epidural. (for the section.) Tell me she's in bonkers new mummy mode right? She's obviously really proud and so am I?
I am so happy for her but at the same time I hate all of this competetive birthing stuff. Am I being over-sensitive?
One mum told me how she had gone out into the garden outside the hospital, hugged trees and breathed through the pain and it worked very well.
Or perhaps she just dreamt that part up in a haze of pethidine
my births were both fine, easy, short (relatively speaking, they fucking hurt, obviously). but now my pelvic floor is in tiny pieces, so, you know...
It works both ways. Some mums like to talk up all the pain relief etc etc as if it's a medal.
Your friend is probably still high on gas and air. She will cringe soon.
I think the epidural was nasty (and I had to have it -EMCS). But I hate needles, anything with a needle is nasty to me.
As for the competitive births, wait a bit longer, my DS is almost one year old and no one talks about it anymore.
I think if you have a cs you're always going to get remarks like the one's I got - 'too posh to push' or 'what shame you didn't do it naturally.' or 'you've missed out on a wonderful experience'.
Well I had an emcs and without it we would both have f..cking died. The outcome was a beautiful, healthy baby and that's all that mattered.
Births are different for everyone.
Mine was hard, but I had to make do without an epidural and I survived it and rose tinted glasses don't remember how bad the pain was.
After the birth I was happy I didn't have one, as I do think I felt the birth process more and I think managed to work with it better, as I was telling the MW what was happening, rather than the other way around.
But I was all up for it before the birth.
And I did have pain relief. Just not an epidural.
I had a really easy birth first time round- I was famous in the delivery ward because I did so well- I was soooo smug- fast forward 18 months of colic, endless screaming, sleepless nights, food refusal, bottle refusal, dummy refusal and I would have gladly have swapped a crash EMCS for a nights sleep!
She doesn't want to gloat?. . What a gobshite. Seriously, who'd even think of comparing their labour with someone else's in a "gloating" way? She was lucky, not clever.
Exactly what NomNom said, pelvic floor fine after section with ds1, shot to pieces after ds2's quick and drug free birth
Can't say I'd like to have a c-section without an epidural tbh! I think I've just decided that she's in bonkers new mummy mode.
My dd is much older so I can safely say that I will not have to compete with her with regards to weaning etc. Wait till she starts baby groups !That's when the real nuerosis sets in!
I think birth is one of those things it's actually hard to talk about... I had a very straightforward birth with DD1 but I found myself feeling very irrationally annoyed if someone described it as 'lucky' or 'easy'. It was still the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life! By the same token I was never sure whether offering sympathy or saying things like 'poor you' was the right thing to say when someone described a more difficult birth.
It sounds like your friend did word things badly, but if she's normally ok I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
Totally agree with whoever said it's some kind of PTSD therapy that we all feel compelled to talk about it afterwards!
Bonkers indeed, who gives a fuck as long as you have a snuggly newborn at the end of it.
But when faced with that, play the "my labour was so traumatic and worse than anyone EVER could imagine" card. That's what I do. I might also treat them to a minute-by-minute breakdown of my similar ineffective 40 hour labour. If that doesn't break them, I wheel out the stats on DD's unspecific bacterial infection, and possible even a long discussion of what NICU and SCBU are like.
That seems to out bonkers them in the end.
I don't like pain, especially uncontrolled/unexpected pain, and the reality is, I didn't want natural labour, CS suited me far better. If I had my time again, the only difference would be I'd have gone for elective on the first rather than labour followed by CS.
Can't understand anyone boasting about how they birthed out their sprogs. Who TF cares?!
The end justifies the means
Your friend is bonkers to boast or think that she is clever. It all boils down to genetic luck. Some people have great legs, some have pert tits, some are naturally athletic, some hSve swishy hair and some give birth easily. It's the luck of the genetic draw, imo.
Wtf. Epidurals are the best thing ever invented for labour, especially if its long and drawn out. I actually napped through my first labour. It was brilliant. Your friend is bonkers.
YANBU - It's luck rather than skill so what's there to be proud about?
P.S. I'm with Fakebook in the epidural appreciation corner - went from vomiting from the pain to doing the crossword in about ten minutes - brilliant invention when it works if you ask me.
I had a horrid reaction to the fentanyl in the epidural during my last labour. Spent 2 long excruciating hours itching like i was infested with bugs. Bleak as hell and much worse than the contractions and even more exhausting!
YANBU But I wouldn't take offense, for some reason people feel free to say the most insensitive things to pregnant women/new mum's, and she is on a hormone high right now.
But I really just don't get this whole competitive crap - what's the big whoop whether or not you use drugs? Labour is terrifying and you only have very limited control over it! A girl has to do WHAT EVER it takes to get through it. Aren't we ladies meant to be helping/supporting each other?!
Mind -you it's the celebrities that dish out their patronising crap on us poor mere mortals that I find TOTALLY offensive. I remember Giselle Budchen spouting on about her perfect labour and what were women going on about?! she, apparently, had no drugs and used yoga and breathing techniques to get her through and "...was up making pancakes the next morning..." well, whoopdidoo, love, you are obviously VERY special.
But, it's her opinions on eating during pregnancy, breastfeeding and potty training that really get me nerves!!! Give some people a 6 digit pay cheque and they go silly from the high and think they're experts on EVERYTHING...SHE SELLS HER BODY FOR A LIVING FOR GODS SAKE!! Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!
sorry rant over
A friend of mine used to boast about how quickly she pushed her babies out.
I just used to think "Huh, bucket fanny"
Just ignore OP, and hope it's temporary insanity.
Being generous, is it possible that you had told her you wanted a natural birth, or shared some of your initial disappointment with her that you had had to have a c-section? Perhaps she was (admittedly cackhandedly) trying to sympathise with how you must have felt in the light of her recent experience and offering what she thought was a sympathetic comment. Perhaps she feels as though now she has done it, she can understand why you might have felt gutted about how things had gone.
Only you know her and can judge whether:
1. She's a twat and always has been but you've only just noticed
2. She's a temporary twat on account of her hormones/tiredness
3. She's a nice person who is trying to say something innocuous which is coming out all wrong
4. She's has been brain-washed by a hypothetical anti epidural campaign
5. Although in your head you are perfectly happy with your birth experience, there is a little bit of you which still holds regrets and a combination of that and her ill-judged comments has needled you in a way that was probably unintentional
6. None of the above and you misheard her saying something about a goat and crafty sweaty squirrel.
On the whole, I'd be tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt seeing as you describe her as 'lovely' but maybe you could mention to her that she might want to steer clear of that kind of comment at baby groups etc as she wouldn't want someone to misinterpret what she's saying and get upset or think she's a twat.
'Did you collect your award for the drug-free labour you suffered through? Because unless theirs a shiny certificate and a gold star to be had I'm sticking with my preferred method! Both ways give a healthy mum and baby'
- that's should shut her up!!
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