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To be afraid this friend is going to ruin our holiday

(55 Posts)
vintageclock Thu 22-Aug-13 11:16:27

A few of us are going to be forty over the coming months. None of us wants a party so we decided we go off together on a 'fab forty' holiday. At first we decided on a sun holiday but one of the group said she burns very easily and dislikes hot weather. So then a few days in New York was suggested but this same person said the flight is too long and she gets a bit claustrophobic if she's on a plane for more than a couple of hours. So then we thought about Paris but this person then said that Paris is a romantic place that she goes to with her DH and she would like to keep it 'special' angry. She then suggested Barcelona and everyone agreed for the sake of a quiet life, even though one person was there only last month and another travels there frequently for work.

Last week this person then asked if her sister could come along. We don't know her sister and it will mess up the room arrangements and therefore add to the expense. I am beginning to get worried that this 'friend' will just ruin the whole trip by constantly making demands and expecting everyone to go along with them. She's not that close to me, more a friend of a friend who became part of our group, and I've never seen this side of her before.

AIBU to be feeling very pissed off at the moment? We don't have a lot of spare cash so this holiday is important to me. I don't want to go if I'm going to spend the time gritting my teeth and just going along with things.

whosshe Thu 22-Aug-13 12:09:27

Oh heck, I had a friend like this, she and grown up with two parents treating her like a princess and still considered the world revolved around her. Plans always had to be what she wanted to do, she was always late, and then moaned about everything and anything, including the food, weather and other people.

What a drag, I would between the rest of you pick something, and if she doesn't like then all the better, because she will prob be a pain on the holiday so it's best she doesn't come.

elQuintoConyo Thu 22-Aug-13 12:24:55

A definite 'no, sorry' on the sister coming - chances are the two sisters would either be doubly bossy/demanding, or they'd bugger off together as soon as the plane lands.
Is anything booked yet? You could book flights to Barcelona but then head down to Sitges (about 30/40 mins south, gorgeous place, nice beaches, nice shops, great restaurants and nightlife). She can always do a Barcelona daytrip herself or with a couple of others who haven't been before.

The more you give in to her acts of entitlement, the more of a tantrumming princess she'll be. If she doesn'twant to, say, go round Sagrada Familia but sit on Las Ramblas and drink beer (bloody yawnsville), tell her quite straight: 'no, we did what you wanted yesterday, today we're doing XYZ. Why don't you do what you want and we'll meet up for dinner'. I'm asuming everyone's got a mobile? Grab a map each and lose her tell her to get on with it let people drift off in pairs/groups and enjoy themselves.

You sound like you need some brew and cake

vintageclock Thu 22-Aug-13 12:41:56

Thanks guys. Will have a word with the others about putting our foot down,

ChasedByBees Thu 22-Aug-13 12:44:25

She sounds a PITA. Definitely say no to the sister. How do the others feel - are they similarly tired of her demands?

Pixieonthemoor Thu 22-Aug-13 12:46:10

She sounds like an utter nightmare! Honestly, I would send the rest of the group a link to this thread and ask for their thoughts on the matter. If she is this much of a PITA now, just think how much whining and dictating you are going to have to put up with on the trip. Kick her into touch.

WafflyVersatile Thu 22-Aug-13 12:53:45

''Look, tbh, Barcelona isn't really where most of us want to go. If you're sister is free now then you can go there with her and we'll go to original place. that way everyone gets the holiday they want''

(well the rest of us do and we're past caring about what you want)

LadyFace Thu 22-Aug-13 13:44:48

Yanbu. Is she normally like this? Reminds me of a spa trip a friend tried to arrange for four of us. One woman couldn't leave til late on the Sat as her husband had football practice. Another had to leave early on the Sunday morning (before breakfast) as she had to go to a christening. My friend suggested that we meet them there but they both said they didn't like driving on the motorway (three junctions of m40) so needed to go with one of us. Needless to say we cancelled!

AngiBolen Thu 22-Aug-13 16:07:09

Having thought about it some more...if I'd been to BArcelona already this year, like hell would I want to go again, when I could spend the money going to New York.

Someone has to be the first to put their foot down.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 22-Aug-13 16:12:48

She sounds like a complete pain in the backside. Dump her if you can and go somewhere hot.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 22-Aug-13 16:13:36

And people who drive, but won't drive on motorways or any distance really get my goat.

Shyer Thu 22-Aug-13 16:14:24

A wearying type - YANBU in thinking she will try and control every mouthful and every stop for postcards on the whole trip. Try and get rid.

Friendship with people like this is pretty impossible, tbh.

Goldenhandshake Thu 22-Aug-13 16:14:36

I went on a hen weekend with someone who sounds very simialr, she was a pain in the arse before and during the holiday, pelase don't suffer her if you don't have to!

theoriginalandbestrookie Thu 22-Aug-13 16:17:54

Have you booked the flights already ?

If not I'd throw a spanner in the works and go back to some of your original suggestions, send an email I'm sure people will be glad to concur it just needs someone to be brave.

It's trickier about the sister, I suppose you could try the "this is only for people turning 40" but it does sound a bit precious.

Actually if you are brave enough, go for wafflyversatiles response as yes I suspect this woman and her sister will be pita if you go with them.

SilverApples Thu 22-Aug-13 16:20:07

' I am beginning to get worried that this 'friend' will just ruin the whole trip by constantly making demands and expecting everyone to go along with them.'

She will.
Because you all do.
You are facilitating her egocentricity, so either stop doing that or don't complain. Who made her Empress?

quesadilla Thu 22-Aug-13 16:27:10

She sounds like a pain in the arse. In my experience travelling with people like this never ends well. You need to make it clear before you go that she's not going to take over and become a diva.

You need to first off talk to the others to make sure you're all on the same page.

Then one of you say to her politely but firmly that its not ok for her sister to come. because that wasn't the deal and she's moving the goalposts.

She will react in one of three ways: a) drop out (in which case, job done) b) moan and whinge about how unfair it all is, in which case you can make the point that she was piggybacking on someone else's trip anyway which will either take you back to scenario a) (job done) or scenario c) she will realize she's being a pain in the arse and toe the line.

ENormaSnob Thu 22-Aug-13 16:45:33

Ditch the silly cow.

limitedperiodonly Thu 22-Aug-13 16:50:35

My first grown-up holiday was supposed to be with three school friends. We'd just left so had our own money for the first time.

One of us was adamant that she didn't want to go to Spain because her parents thought it was common.

So we booked Ibiza wink

When she found out where it was she cancelled.

limitedperiodonly Thu 22-Aug-13 16:53:13

That was quite a long time ago btw. These days I can't imagine any 18 year old not having heard of Ibiza. Or not wanting to go there grin

Oblomov Thu 22-Aug-13 21:09:57

Why have you put up with it, this far? Have you no backbone, no bollocks? Why didn't you say something before?
Stand up for yourself and do something about it now. If you don't , you have no one to blame but yourself.

LovesBeingOnHoliday Thu 22-Aug-13 21:12:33

She will take more and more, tge more you give.

Oblomov Thu 22-Aug-13 21:13:16

I love New York, Paris and Barcelona. Been to all three. All FAB. But that is not the point.

DfanjoUnchained Thu 22-Aug-13 21:15:52

Tell her you're cancelling the trip then all go to Barbados without her.

everlong Thu 22-Aug-13 21:16:10

Barcelona is crap.

Just sort out with the others and have a majority rule.

I'd go on a nice sun holiday smile

Oblomov Thu 22-Aug-13 21:18:01

You originally wanted a sun holiday. If that's what you want, go with that. End of.

Oblomov Thu 22-Aug-13 21:20:01

Barcelona is fab. But you don't want to go to Barcelona. So, who cares what I think. Or what she thinks.

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