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Was I BU to challenge friend on FB who made horribly prejudiced comment and photo posting?

(104 Posts)
coffeeandcream Wed 21-Aug-13 18:42:35

An acquaintance on FB surreptitiously took a photo of a very overweight lady sitting opposite him across two seats on the morning commute and captioned the photo with "Fat tax for rush hour trains?!"

I commented on his photo and horrid opinion saying "there ought to be a 'dislike' button on FB, there's no need to be so rude".

He posted a reply which he later deleted asking if the lady in his photo was a friend of mine and there was no need for me to "get all high and mighty". Then he posted that he agreed there should be a dislike FB button for photos that we're disgusting ie the lady in the picture.

I was so angry, poor woman minding her own business on her way to work being secretly photographed and humiliated on FB. BTW, I've no idea who the woman was, but I feel that disgusting attitudes like this need to be challenged as silence in the face of this kind of prejudice just condones it in my view.

Just needed to vent. Going to 'unfriend' the bastard angry

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:17:42

Please don't report it, there are far worse things on Fb that DO need reporting. Unfortunately when someone takes offence to something so minor and reports it, it takes up valuable time of the people sifting through the reports stopping them getting to the really important stuff that needs attention fast.

I read about a moderator who got to a report from a young girl who said her uncle was abusing her and had put pictures of her on his facebook, and could he please help her and also remove the pictures. She said that he was coming over again at 2pm. He didn't get to her report until after 5pm.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:19:02

YANBU in the slightest. Degrading somebody like that is disgraceful. AKAK, you come across as an immature idiot.

zatyaballerina Thu 22-Aug-13 13:27:06

Sanctimummy; public bullying and humiliation of someone damn well should be reported. That could have horrible consequences for someones self esteem if they saw themselves abused like that, it could push an already vulnerable person over the edge. People have the right to go out in public without fear of being publicly mocked over the internet for their personal appearance.

It's facebooks responsibility to make reporting on their site more effective, they are responsible for what they allow up there.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:27:50

God preserve us from a world populated by the 'speaking the bleeding obvious brigade'. AKA being pig ignorant-rude.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:28:17

Jesus I hope none of you never become the subject of a meme - you might actually explode. Nothing offensive was even said about this women it was purely factual. There are plenty of things out there to be more offended by. People on here are just so uptight.

I bet none of my bullies saw anything wrong in the things they said to me, AKAK - never mind that it has destroyed my life. In my opinion, it takes a very special sort of stupidity to fail to understand the real damage and hurt done by this sort of nastiness.

What is wrong with a bit of kindness in life? Why actively go out of your way to be unkind and nasty to people? Why would anyone want to be the sort of vicious, inadequate bully who needs to make fun of other people who have done nothing to harm them? Or the sort of vicious inadequate who thinks at that sort of behaviour is in any way acceptable?

Do you have daughters, AKAK? Do you want them to grow up in a world where a total stranger could judge them so cruelly and publicly? Or do you want them to grow up into the sort of bully who does this sort of thing, with no conscience?

The woman whose photograph was taken and displayed for public ridicule is a human being, with feelings. Why is it OK to ignore this, just for 'a laugh'?

I know I am wasting my time - people like AKAK have no conscience and are incapable of caring about the pain their ilk inflict on others.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:32:29

Also there is no presumption of privacy for individuals in a public place.

Shrugged Thu 22-Aug-13 13:34:25

People can be so bloody cruel. It doesn't even have to be online. I was walking down a street in my home town yesterday and three women in their early twenties sitting outside a cafe all suddenly did big cartoonish 'choking on my icecream sundae', and burst out shrieking with horrified laughter. I looked round to see what was so funny. The 'joke' was two very overweight girls in their late teens, one pushing a baby, both wearing tight sleeveless tops, both blushing and embarrassed because the laughing girls were making no effort to keep their voices down.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:34:37

Civilised decent people reject the posting of a photo designed to mock another human being whether they be a celebrity or not. You AK do not sound decent. You sound rather cold and cruel. God help your children if you have them to be taught that it is reasonable to mock others. And it is mocking.

No - but there should be a presumption of decency from other people. I struggle with my weight - should I stay indoors until I have won that struggle, because there are people in society who,think it is OK to see me and make a deliberate choice to be vicious, judgemental arseholes?

You don't know the issues I struggle with, or my mental state - yet you would happily hold me up to ridicule, and shrug when I took my own life, just because I have the nerve to be outdoors whilst being fat?

I can change my body shape - you will always be the insensitive, conscienceless character you are, to paraphrase Winston Churchill.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:40:14

I see nowhere where it said this was posted for a laugh? More like a factual observation to me. I'm usually mocked and have the piss taken out of me on a daily basis but quite frankly I couldn't give a shit - I dunno maybe I'm just thicker skinned than most people?

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:41:33


I disagree. This isn't important in the grand scheme of things. Clogging up valuable time of moderators with reports of this type is irresponsible. Child abuse, animal abuse these are the things that should be reported.

A photo like that will not be removed, it's a waste of everyones time reporting it. Tell the person what you think and hide the photo. end of story.

Don't waste peoples time when they could be stopping the next potential rape of a child, except they didn't get there in time because loads of people report things that aren't bloody important and they were too busy sifting through that bollocks to find the really important stuff!

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:46:18

If there should be a fat tax because of what the overweight cost us then what about a tax for all those unnecessary sports injuries? How about a tax for people injured doing DIY they are not skilled enough to do? How about charging all those injured in RTA's? How about taxing all those who burn themselves on BBQ's? How about stopping child benefit for children? After all nobody forced us to have them? That possibly childless overwieght photographed woman likely works hard to subsidise your children AK. I have plenty of patients who are overweight because of their medication or because of Myxedema, not because of what they eat. You are extremely ignorant *AK8. I pity your children if you have them.

And clearly being a figure of fun has made you bitter AK. Thick skinned? Not a good quality in your case.

Floatsyourboat Thu 22-Aug-13 13:46:30

And that is one of the many reasons I deleted my fb account which lead to my whole family and quite a few friends deleting theirs!
Spiteful cunts who use fb as a tool to be cruel and disgusting about other people should be shot!

It wasn't posted for any kind or caring purpose, was it, AKAK? And reading between the lines, it is pretty clear to me that the FB post was intended to make a joke out of this poor woman.

And yes, most people have feelings, and most people would be hurt to be pilloried in this way - and no-one with any decency would deliberately do something like this, when anyone with any compassion would know the hurt it would probably cause.

'Spiteful cunts' - thank-you - that is exactly the term I was looking for, Floatsyourboat.

Misspixietrix Thu 22-Aug-13 13:52:17

If you are talking about Professional Photographers the type that have Insurance make their clients sign permission forms etc (clue for you). Your point is valid. However we are not we are talking about FB amateurs who do it for the SOLE purpose of Ridicule.

zatyaballerina Thu 22-Aug-13 13:55:02

Sanctimummy; so presumably you wouldn't report an assault/racial abuse on the street/mugging/burglary or any crime which would be 'minor' compared to the big ones like murder and rape because it might distract the police by clogging up their valuable time with relatively unimportant offences? Of course not, that's ridiculous.

The more reports they get, the more they are held accountable for what is on their site, the more people they will hire to do that and the more effective it will become.

In the meantime the biggest problems on social media sites are vulnerable people being publicly ridiculed, abused and bullied and many youngsters (and not so young) are being driven to suicide as a result. Those who don't kill themselves are still suffering damaged self esteem and mh issues from being bullied like that. It is a big deal. The majority of rape pictures btw are of drunk teenage girls being molested/raped while out of it, suppose we shouldn't waste time reporting that either, on the off chance they might know what they're doinghmm

ethelb Thu 22-Aug-13 13:59:11

Taking a covert image for no other reason than to mock is morally reprehensible. And causes real problems when clarifying the law on using covert photography for public interest reasons.

However, as someone who uses public transport more than most, i do find the way you cant comment on how much of an impact the obesity epidemic is having on the general comfort of other passengers. Yes some people have medical problems and we need to be understanding about that. But maybe the airline sustem could be extended....

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 14:00:00

I love the assumptions people are making about me. I'm probably more overweight than most of you and am on medication with a side effect of weight gain so fuck you for judging. Of course there should be fat tax where people are taking more space and fuel on trains, planes etc.

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:03:19


We're talking about a picture of a larger lady and the piss being taken on FB.

Comparing that to assault/abuse on the street is a really thin argument.

Did you read the link I posted?

Of course 'rape' type pictures should be reported. That's the point I am making. having to sift through a million 'I reported this picture because I don't like the fact that this person is being mocked' stops them getting to the stuff they need to get to. Fast.

Besides anything else, it is a waste of time. The picture won't be removed.
I reported a video of a small cat having petrol poured on it and set alight, where it then proceeded to run all over completely in flames. It was not removed.

They have very specific rules for what to remove and because there were no guts/insides/blood showing on the video, it didn't break their 'guidelines'. Shocking but true.

saintlyjimjams Thu 22-Aug-13 14:04:19

My eldest son is mocked and laughed at or moaned at fairly frequently when out and about minding his own business. My skin is pretty rhino like, but it also has brought home to me how utterly vile that type behaviour is. If someone took a photo of him and uploaded it on FB with the word spaz next to it or something I can't actually detail how I would respond, but I doubt it would be pretty.

I did see someone working in Virgin (when it still existed) mocking a customer before so I reported them.

People minding their own business have the right to walk around without being mocked. I can't imagine why anyone would want to defend that behaviour.

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:08:37

So, AKAK, would you like your daughter/wife/mother/frankly any friend or relative mocked like this? Would you still applaud the person doing the mocking?

Why is it a good or desirable character trait to be so spiteful and unpleasant? Would you be happy if one of your children was caught doing something like this? Would you reward them for telling the truth and not caring about the hurt caused?

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 14:18:12

I have made no assumptions about you AK. Not an assumption to say that you sound vile. Regardless of your size. My best guess is that you are actually Michael Ryan because of course charging somebody extra for a weight gain that is medically induced is no different to charging a wheelchair tax is it? Or at least restricting the amount of disabled people allowed on each flight.

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