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AIBU to give up breastfeeding?

(253 Posts)
MisselthwaiteManor Wed 21-Aug-13 16:24:54

I've just about had enough.

Baby has a lip tie which GP says no one in the country will cut. She was cupfed from birth against my will and has never been able to latch properly. I have been expressing every single feed for two months (she's now 10 weeks old). My milk supply in one boob dried up so its one boob getting pumped every time, my god the pain.

My milk supply has now more than halved, I don't know if it's due to the fact I'm on my period. For the past week I've been expressing every half hour to get enough for the baby, it's still not been enough and we've been giving the odd carton of formula.

I've just had e-fucking-nough of getting up every hour in the night and all day to wash the fucking pump and express again. Every feed is a nightmare because if there isn't a bottle waiting in the fridge she has to wait and she obviously gets distressed. DH gets no sleep either because he feeds her while I express the next bottle to try and stay ahead.

I would be onto formula like a shot if it wasn't for the amount of shit I am getting from every angle. The midwife drummed it into me all through my pregnancy how the baby will be full of disease if I use formula. The GP has said under no circumstance switch to formula because the baby has bad reflux and apparently it'll make it worse. Home start have been badgering me twice a week for weeks asking if I'm breastfeeding properly yet. I told them I don't need their help anymore (they tried and couldn't get her to latch either) but they will not go away. The health visitor is the same, phonecalls all the time asking if I'm doing it right yet.

AIBU to tell them all to fuck right off and give my baby formula? She's upset with the situation so I can't see a benefit to breastmilk for us anymore but I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I have PND which is clouding my head and my judgement so please tell me what you would do.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 21-Aug-13 16:25:50

Cupfed while I was in the hospital for a week+ btw, she has her milk in bottles now.

aliciagardner Wed 21-Aug-13 16:28:32

Jeez. I am extremely pro-BF but in your situation, I would have moved to ff a LONG time ago. It sounds awful. I can guarantee it is not helping your pnd!! If you want to move to ff, do it. With no guilt whatsoever.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 21-Aug-13 16:29:31

The amount of people (midwives, home start volunteers, bfing advisors) who have physically held her head on my breast while she screamed and screamed until she went blue I'm unsurprised she doesn't like the boob. The whole thing has been fucking horrible for both of us.

lotsofcheese Wed 21-Aug-13 16:29:40

You poor thing. It sounds horrendous. You don't need anyone else's permission regarding feeding decisions for your baby. Please do what's right for you.

Boosiehs Wed 21-Aug-13 16:29:47

Tell them to fuck off and ff. you have more than tried, and if it's what you think is best it is noone else's business.

Sparklingbrook Wed 21-Aug-13 16:29:57

YANBU enough is enough. Well done for getting to ten weeks.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 21-Aug-13 16:30:12

Thank you, it's a relief to hear someone say that.

BraveLilBear Wed 21-Aug-13 16:31:12

Can't advise at all (am 4 weeks into bf and as clouded myself) just wanted to say you're doing an amazing job. Whatever you decide, your baby has been given an amazing start. Many people able to breasyfeed 'normally' have given up long before you.

The pressure you're being put under is horrendous.

Squitten Wed 21-Aug-13 16:31:49

How you feed is YOUR business and NOBODY can make you do it. If you don't want to BF then stop!

Florin Wed 21-Aug-13 16:31:54

Honestly give up you have done so well to keep it up for so long. If you are not happy nor will your baby and your baby will do just as well on formula. For the reflux try Aptamil anti reflux milk it was a lifesaver for me and made such a difference.

lymeregis Wed 21-Aug-13 16:32:27

Of course you are not. Do what is right for you, happy mum happy baby XX

ps you sound amazing I would have not been able to do it, well done for getting this far.

cory Wed 21-Aug-13 16:32:28

I went the other way and stuck with breastfeeding even though dd was losing weight and eventually ended up in hospital. I bf'ed her until she was nearly a year. I have regretted it.

Yes it was dedicated, yes it was committed to something I had really wanted, but frankly it took too much out of me, and was a long time before I recovered. In retrospect I wish I had spent that time enjoying her instead.

Can't tell you what you ought to do, but that is my story.

I think whatever you do, you need to do something. GP says noone will cut your baby's lip, but GP is not a surgeon- can he give you a referral?

You are being badgered about establishing breastfeeding- but has anybody actually sent you to see a breastfeeding counsellor? Is there one at the hospital?

I think you need to stop trying to appease these people and explain in plain language that your dd is in a situation where this is not working: you can either switch to formula or have specialist help, but it's got to be one or the other.

Snowflakepie Wed 21-Aug-13 16:33:13

Seriously, stop now. You poor poor thing. You need to be a happy healthy mummy for your baby and it sounds like you are beyond desperate. Go to the shops, get some formula (anti reflux if she has issues too) and breathe. Babies seriously do not care where the grub comes from as long as they get it.

My DD had a lip tie, silent reflux and later was diagnosed with immature bowel. Formula made no difference to us. Your baby, your decision, and ignore anyone else trying to guilt trip you. I gave up after 3 days, so feel proud of yourself, but martyrdom isn't going to do anyone any good here.

Big hugs to you, stop the feeding and have a winexxx

Sparklingbrook Wed 21-Aug-13 16:34:05

I made it to 6 weeks with DS1, without the problems you have. I couldn't do it a minute longer.
I sobbed upstairs while DH gave him his first bottle in the living room. But things got so much better, I perked up a bit, got more sleep, felt more in control.

He's 14 now, and absolutely fine. He has never been a sickly child and in top sets at school. grin

CecilyP Wed 21-Aug-13 16:34:48

I agree with everyone else. You have tried your best 10 weeks with what sounds like an absolute nightmare situation. I don't think I would have perservered for 10 days let alone 10 weeks if I had had those difficulties. I think it is time to switch to bottle feeding and get some rest and then get a chance to actually enjoy your baby.

FunnysInLaJardin Wed 21-Aug-13 16:35:22

YANBU. Do it, you won't look back. 10 weeks expressing every feed must be nightmareish. BTW I found that breast feeding had a really detrimental effect on my mental health and so your pnd may even improve if you do stop. Good luck!

MoominsYonisAreScary Wed 21-Aug-13 16:36:24

I expressed for 3 months with ds3, I only kept it uo so long because he was prem, it was a nightmare.

The only thing id be worried about in your situation would be the reflux getting worse, however it doesn't sound like expressing is making you or your dd happy so no yanbu to give up expressing!

Also well done for doing it for so long, I have ff and bf as well as expressing and found expressing was the most time consuming if all, I was bloody miserable in the end and for me it was just not worth carrying on

dizzy77 Wed 21-Aug-13 16:36:34

Bless you. Well done for getting to 10 weeks. I persevered through bf adversity for 10wks with DS1 (long story, different to yours but also involved lots of relentless, fruitless expressing). I found letting go hard but the relief when the worst emotions passed was immense.

It wasn't until I had DS2 I realised I needed to "grieve" the loss of membership of the bf club I'd expected to join before ds1 arrived. Take what you need and be nice to yourself: if reflux is worsened by standard formula there are formulas, drugs and techniques that help.

Justforlaughs Wed 21-Aug-13 16:36:49

I think that the words "give up" suggest that you feel you have failed - believe me, you haven't. You have done an amazing job! There is no need to continue with something that is causing you stress and discomfort and your baby will be as happy and healthy if you change to ff. It is no-one else's business how you feed your baby anyway but you can hold your head up. You have given your baby the best start that you can and you are an awesome mum!
The only other thing I would add, is that, if you have any more children please don't be put off trying again because it was so hard this time round.

FrigginRexManningDay Wed 21-Aug-13 16:37:59

If you want to stop,then stop. Your baby,your breasts.

froubylou Wed 21-Aug-13 16:38:46

Make an emergency appointment with the gp or hv or mw. Ask them for advice on which formula and bottles work best for a baby with reflux. Give baby formula.

Get your DP to do Friday night for you. Treat yourself toa glglass of wine or a naice g & t. Have a bath and take yourself off to the spare room. Shut the door and get at least 6 hours uninterrupted sleep.

Then start again on Saturday.

You have done an amazing job by keeping going for 10 weeks. Celebrate that achievement and move onto the next stage of being a mum. Xx

squoosh Wed 21-Aug-13 16:39:39

YADNBU!

Celadorhasacatandawaveequation Wed 21-Aug-13 16:39:43

Stop now and move to formula; you're exhausted and have enough on your plate dealing with PND.

Ignore the pressure from others, and insist that the phone calls re breastfeeding stop immediately.

My DS is combination fed. I was also put under a lot of pressure not to give formula but ignored it - my baby needs more milk than I can supply, and i'd rather him be full with formula than hungry.

You're a good mum trying your best for your baby.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 21-Aug-13 16:39:56

Oh god thank you SO much everyone, I shouldn't need someone else to tell me what to do but when I already feel like shit with the PND and then get everyone tell me it's my fault for doing it wrong I don't know what's best. But I know she would be happier on formula because she would actually get fed without having to wait and I wouldn't be crying through her feeds upsetting her!

I have been offered loads of help with the bfing but nothing helps, they show me positions and physically hold her face into my boob and she will not do it, she gets so upset so I thought it would be best to just express the milk. And now that's drying up I give up, I really do.

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