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To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

(430 Posts)
funkypigeon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:29:05

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

zatyaballerina Tue 20-Aug-13 20:32:20

You can't help who you're attracted to, we all have our preferred types in looks, humour, culture, attitude, interests, health etc....

StuntGirl Tue 20-Aug-13 20:32:27

I think labelling an entire race unattractive is..well, weird if not racist.

CoffeeBucks Tue 20-Aug-13 20:32:34

It does seem a little odd to write off all Asian men EVER based on race, yes. It would be racist if you didn't fancy them because they were Asian.

Also your title says Pakistani, which is not synonymous with Asian. Asia is a huge continent.

parakeet Tue 20-Aug-13 20:32:42

You can't help who you fancy - or don't fancy, in this case.

soontobeburns Tue 20-Aug-13 20:34:14

I have never felt attractive to anyone who is no Caucasian. It doesnt make me racist its just my taste.

monkeyfacegrace Tue 20-Aug-13 20:34:18

I get it, Im not attracted to black men.
Then again, Im also not attracted to women, so I must be sexist, over weight men, so I must be sizeist, or short men, so I must be heightist.


WorraLiberty Tue 20-Aug-13 20:34:26

You've posted two different scenarios here.

If you said you are not 'attracted to a Pakistani person', then that would be a fact...based on that particular person (their country of origin doesn't make any difference).

If you said you're not attracted to people because they're Pakistani or you will never be attracted to Pakistanis...then that is based on race and therefore racist.

Saying you are 'not usually attracted to Asian men' is a fact...and the word 'usually' would infer that it has nothing to do with he fact they're Asian.

Sleepathon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:34:29

What about this guy?

soontobeburns Tue 20-Aug-13 20:34:33


Sleepathon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:35:31

Aargh try this:

Jinsei Tue 20-Aug-13 20:36:27

Lots of Asian men could easily be mistaken for middle eastern or Mediterranean, so don't really get the distinction if I'm honest, but nobody else can say who you should be attracted to!

Sleepathon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:36:32

Pah I give up

funkypigeon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:37:49

Yes, realised my error there. I mean Pakistani and Indian men.

waddlecakes Tue 20-Aug-13 20:38:56

It's not racist. It's no more wrong than a woman saying she doesn't like blondes, or shorter men, or slim men, or men with very pale skin, etc etc etc.

funkypigeon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:39:11

And yes, not usually attracted to

Feminine Tue 20-Aug-13 20:39:38

You can't write off a whole group of people!

You just never know who might be waiting round that corner ;-)

So, not racist...just a bit short sighted IMO. smile

LittleNoona Tue 20-Aug-13 20:41:29

I don't think you're being racist!

You didn't say "all Pakistani men are ugly" just that they aren't your cup of tea, which is perfectly fine!

I don't find Somalian men attractive. Nothing against Somalian people at all. However, I prefer chunky men so that probably explains it grin

I do find black men attractive though, and some Asian men. And weirdly I find Aboriginal men attractive too.....

BuskersCat Tue 20-Aug-13 20:41:56

I have never been attracted to anyone who hasn't been white, therefore I will say that I am only attracted to white men. If someone or a different race were to come along then I would happily change my mind but so far noone has rocked my boat.

If you are not attracted to women, are you sexist?

EldritchCleavage Tue 20-Aug-13 20:42:03

It might be, but it isn't necessarily. Sometimes people aren't attracted to people of a specific race because they've internalised (not necessarily consciously) negative ideas and stereotypes about that race. So the lack of attraction comes from racist thinking, if you see what I mean. Or just the fact that the race in question has a lower status in the society, something like that.

On the other hand, it is entirely possible just to make a general aesthetic judgment, e.g., if big beefy men like rugby players or The Rock are what float your boat, then (often) short, slender Tamil men will not usually be your thing, though there could always be the exception lurking somewhere.

Also, some people have more of a defined physical 'type' they are attracted to than others. If you haven't got a type, I can see you might read a lot into a statement like yours more readily.

I don't think your friends should just have jumped on you about it, unless you are in the habit of making dodgy statements about Asians anyway. We're not obliged to be blind to physical racial characteristics (and I say that as a bi-racial woman).

WilsonFrickett Tue 20-Aug-13 20:44:58

We all have a 'type', don't we? That doesn't make a person racist. What would be racist and a bit daft is writing off someone you are attracted to because of their race. It's like me and DH, fair enough we're both Scots but he is so. not. my. type. Yet we're blissfully happy. If I'd said, oh no, I'm not attracted to men like you then I would have missed out, big time.

So I'd keep your options open.

Preferthedogtothekids Tue 20-Aug-13 20:48:31

I decided to have a fling with an asian man when I was a 22yr old student, just to see what it was like.

20 years later, 2 kids, a dog and a mortgage. Still flinging.

forehead Tue 20-Aug-13 20:50:26

I always find it strange when people say that they are not attracted to a particular race .
My white colleague told me that he was ONLY attracted to black or mixed race woman. How strange.

solarbright Tue 20-Aug-13 20:51:15

I'm not attracted to that Asian man over there: not racist.

I'm not attracted to Asian men in general: racist.

'Asian' isn't a type of man, any more than 'black' or 'white' is a type of man. It's just their race (or their nationality, if Indian/Pakistani). An Asian man might be gorgeous or horrendous ugly, kind and generous, or stingy and foul, a brilliant lover or a dud. You've made a sweeping generalisation based on ... race.

Then again you did say 'usually' and that rather leaves open the possibility of finding some future Asian guy is exactly your type. So I can see why they thought it was racist, but it's not necessarily a racist comment.

HairyGrotter Tue 20-Aug-13 20:52:14

I wouldn't say it was racist at's about what attracts a person to another?!

I find men with longish hair and beards very attractive despite DP being short haired and only a bit beardy. Keep your options open and don't write anyone off due to aesthetics

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