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To not see a problem with *hugs* or one or two kisses at the end of a message?

(78 Posts)
HaveIGotPoosForYou Mon 19-Aug-13 21:56:53

I have seen a fair few MNetters complaining about offering hugs, hands to hold or putting one or two kisses at the end of a comment being 'unmumsnetty' and 'yuck'. I don't see what is wrong with it.

I can see why it would be weird if someone was commenting on what everyone had for lunch, but most of these are in the relationships, mental health, general health, childbirth etc sections and it seems perfectly natural to me if someone is In pain, grieving or something else traumatic has happened that these things would be offered.

AIBU here?
If so, why?

Yawner247 Mon 19-Aug-13 21:58:03

Hug and a hand to hold whilst you wait for a mn response xx

CoteDAzur Mon 19-Aug-13 21:59:20

YABU hunni

HaveIGotPoosForYou Mon 19-Aug-13 22:15:58

Thx bbz :D

daisychain01 Mon 19-Aug-13 23:24:58

YANBU re offering the online equivalent of a hug or kiss. Cant work out why that is seen as unmumsnetty, as I thought MN was a forum to connect with human beings, therefore fine to give those gestures.

I ignore people who are negative or derogatory about kindness and being a human being, they have the wrong attitude anyway!


RoastedCouchPotatoes Mon 19-Aug-13 23:33:05

YANBU, it's just being kind and compassionate!


Famzilla Mon 19-Aug-13 23:38:07

I think it's because MN is full of educated laydeeez who treat strangers how one would treat a stranger in real life, formally.

I don't hug or kiss a stranger. I might help them if they needed helping but it would be wholly inappropriate to give 'em a snog!

Or it could be the whole viper thing. Have you ever seen a viper give a hug and a kiss?

HaveIGotPoosForYou Tue 20-Aug-13 00:00:14

fam I like to think I'm educated. My BILs parents are very, very educated and gave me a hug when they first met me. I was a bit grin myself to be honest.

I wouldn't hug a stranger in normal circumstances but if they were truly upset (been attacked, just heard a family member had died, had a breakdown etc) I would hug them, yes. But then I am a bit of an oddball!

RE: Vipers. I haven't met many in person to be able to tell. Though I do know a couple of pythons that would squeeze you til your eyes pop smile

IneedAyoniNickname Tue 20-Aug-13 00:06:37

I think it depends what the post is about. If someone is upset, then hand holding or (un mumsnetty) hugs are fine.
If its a thread about 'what's for tea' and you post
'spaghetti Bolognese xxx' then it just seems weird.

Dominodonkey Tue 20-Aug-13 00:27:50

I read the op as 'hugs and kisses at the end of a massage blush

DropYourSword Tue 20-Aug-13 02:33:39

IMO hugs in a message make me cringe because it sounds very insincere to me.

I'd equate it to someone IRL * saying * LOL!

I presume other people really don't feel that way and do genuinely mean it as a well intentioned gesture, but I think it's a lazy thing to do.

garlicagain Tue 20-Aug-13 02:45:21

I'm MUCH more restrained on Mumsnet than in person! MN gets the contents of my sorry heart spewed all over it, as I'd only do in a therapeutic environment for real, but I'm sparing with my hugs & kisses. In real life, I kiss every fucker and am generally quite luvvie in terms of randomly affectionate behaviour.

If Mumsnet would prefer me to give up the sharing and offer more hugs, just let me know. I'll find another forum grin

Monty27 Tue 20-Aug-13 02:50:41

I hate hate hate the unmumsnetty crap.

If I feel a kiss or a hug will warm someone up I'll do it. I don't have to say unmumsnetty grrrr.

Even you MNHQ.

I have looked at the other side ie netmums or something, all twinkly jinkly emoticons which is crap.

But if I want to express myself by a ( ) or a x I will. Without having to say unmumsnetty.


Acceptableinthe70s Tue 20-Aug-13 06:41:13

I agree monty, it comes as very immature and "too cool for Skool" in a very cringey way. If you want to support someone with a (hugs) or xx go ahead. MN can be very embarrassing and snidey at times with its mocking.

Acceptableinthe70s Tue 20-Aug-13 06:41:40

Should read comes across as.

HotCrossPun Tue 20-Aug-13 06:54:06

I HATE the phrase 'unmumsnetty.'

It's balls.

That's my contribution.


Lazyjaney Tue 20-Aug-13 07:02:09

IMO hugs in a message make me cringe because it sounds very insincere to me

It's just naff.

And nothing shouts sincerity like a x at the end of every post.

fluffyraggies Tue 20-Aug-13 07:07:44

I give out the odd (hug) every now and again. A x is rare.

If a poster is genuinely upset (not just musing over what to have for tea) and is typing away in real time answering posts on their thread then sometimes a little hug across the airwaves is nice.

And yes, i would hug a stranger if they were in tears in front of me.

Dackyduddles Tue 20-Aug-13 07:11:46

Depends on the thread or the board or op or poster or present point of conversation. I have generally no issue.

I do it sometimes on purpose to wind some up to.

Big wet sloppy snogs and cuddlewuddles

TheFallenNinja Tue 20-Aug-13 07:42:11


There is a subset of posters who have themselves setup as arbiters of taste and decorum and stamp on anything even remotely fun believing that they are maintaining some notional standard.

Some of them could suck the joy from christmas and are just miserable sods.

everlong Tue 20-Aug-13 07:48:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SybilRamkin Tue 20-Aug-13 07:56:38

Agree with INeedaYoniNickname, it's really irritating when people put unnecessary x's on the end of posts. To be honest I'm not a fan of them anyway - you might hug a stranger but I doubt you'd kiss them - but I can live with them when offering consolation to another poster who's having a tough time. However, a random 'x' after every bloody thing you say is rage-inducing (to me) angry!

pmgkt Tue 20-Aug-13 08:09:24

I read the title as kisses or hugs after a massage not message, now that would have been an odd thread

Trills Tue 20-Aug-13 08:12:58

YANBU, one of two kisses is fine.

But three kisses, well that's just out of order!

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Tue 20-Aug-13 08:26:11

It's fine to offer a hug or put a x at the end of a heartfelt support message, but there are posters who put x at the end of every post and it's horrible. I find it quite jarring to read, it doesn't belong there and it's like each sentence is being wrongly punctuated or something. And it makes them look about 12.

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