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To be pissed off that husband has never got me a birthday present?

(82 Posts)
goodgollygosh Mon 19-Aug-13 09:54:39

Well there's more to it than that he has never got me a birthday present. But more so that he will buy thoughtful presents for every other member of his family!
I had nothing off him for my birthday not even a card from the children (yet on his family's birthday he gets them all those cards with pics of the children on). On Mother's Day I had nothing I made myself a card with the children yet his nan (mother is dead) got a picture card and framed picture of the children. Its now coming up to his younger brothers girlfriends birthday. She is a right cow to say I can't stand her is an understatement. She is very sly and tried to set him up with her relative and gave out his number. He has gone and ordered her £30 of items from benefit website. I could cry I don't even have any mascara and would love a benefit set! Its not even like they buy for us! He says its because they buy for the children (yeah cheap tat).
Tell me honestly am I being a selfish cow and sounding spoilt? I'm not so hope it doesn't come across like that I'm sooooooo generous to every one I just feel so unimportant to him (its always been like this).
Thanks ladies.

goodgollygosh Mon 19-Aug-13 14:33:31

Hope you have a lovely birthday Ghirly.
Looking back on the whole thing, I can see I should of just walked away after the Liverpool trip. But I was so in love with him I just wanted him to be mine! At the start we lived 2hrs away from each other but quickly moved in together within about 6mnths (he moved to me).
Things definitely won't change. He thinks I should just get over this ex girlfriend but how can I when all I've ever wanted is an ounce of the affection he has shown her?

PomBearArmy Mon 19-Aug-13 17:19:41

I'm sure you already know this OP, but it's not healthy to project all those negative feelings onto his ex, calling her a slag and an ugly bitch. The way he treats you and treated her is nothing to do with her, it's all him.

As far as gifts go, I would stop buying him a birthday present. Use the occasion to remind yourself it's time to treat yourself. Whatever you were going to spend on him, blow it on yourself. If he says anything just go for the wide-eyed innocent bit 'But you never buy me a present, I didn't think you were into celebrating our birthdays?'

FutTheShuckUp Mon 19-Aug-13 17:40:35

If you email him anything make it a link to this thread. He seems to show you no love whatsoever and if I were you I'd be looking for that love you deserve and getting rid of this baggage

Lweji Mon 19-Aug-13 17:47:46

He's the typical abuser who presents a front to the world and is a twat to those who he perceives are safe.

What on earth are you doing with him?

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 19-Aug-13 17:48:14

I was married to one of these. Wanted everyone to love him, walked into a room and expected attention, lovely to everyone except me. He knew he 'had' me because I married him so made no effort.

Bin him. I did and ended up with lovely DH who took me to a lovely hotel for my birthday AND I got presents.

goodgollygosh Mon 19-Aug-13 17:50:10

PomBearArmy I know you speak the truth but I'm extremely in Rage overflow. She is a slag and to be honest she is extremely ugly. But again I'm just very very pissed off.
I did email him and he said he would talk to me when he got home..... He got home and called me pathetic. What more can I say ladies he has now gone out and I feel like an even bigger pile of shit.

elah11 Mon 19-Aug-13 17:56:08

This has nothing to do with his ex and all to do with the way he treats you. He is mean and nasty and I don't care how good you say he is with the kids, if he can't treat their mother with love and respect then he is sending them a very bad message. You deserve better and you know it. He will treat you like this for as long as you accept it .

Facepalmninja Mon 19-Aug-13 17:56:47

Get rid and make a space for someone who cares about you and gives you the love and respect that you deserve.


OddSockMonster Mon 19-Aug-13 17:57:42

Don't waste your energy on him, or hating his ex. He's just not worth it.

Use your energy to figure out what you want to do next, the practicalities of anything (esp if it's to LTB), and don't let him bring you down any more.

You're worth more than this and if he's too dense to see it then it's his loss.

goodgollygosh Mon 19-Aug-13 18:04:47

You are right, I shouldn't be getting so worked up about his ex and the difference in the treatment. There's obviously sod all which can be done about it. I've told him today how I feel (as I have many times). I don't want to be with anyone to be honest even some amazing person who would treat me decently. I want to be on my own with the children, focus on my weight and my confidence. Then I'm sure I will feel so much better.

binhome Mon 19-Aug-13 18:07:39

I have had serious issues with my dh re presents. However even he get mothers day, birthday and valentines cards and birthday presents. Although i was a bit pissed off with him this year as he got all his family to put their money together to buy me a tablet. My parents are dead. Yes it was a generous gift but he brought himself a better one because he wanted it. (No gift forfeiture required)
Yanbu. Are you able to go and treat yourself?

knickernicker Mon 19-Aug-13 18:07:44

Does he actually like you? Don't spend your life with someone who isn't your friend.

Libertine73 Mon 19-Aug-13 18:09:24

That's the spirit OP, pack his bags, he's a nasty twat who has no regard for your feelings, calling you pathetic when you go to him with how you feel, waste of your time. LTB

FlossyFloozie Mon 19-Aug-13 18:22:32

knickernicker is spot on. I was sucked in once by a bloke who sounds a bit like your OH. Caused me no end of misery and turned me into a shadow of myself...fortunately I saw the light before things went too far. Took about 5 more years till I met DH but every now and again I stop and realise how easy he makes our relationship, that it really doesn't have to be hard. If it's as hard as you find it, it's already broken and you need to get rid and make a new life for yourself... and make yourself available for someone who really cares about your happiness.Be strong, and good luck.

beepoff Mon 19-Aug-13 18:26:03

Please use this rage as the catalyst to LTB.

He can still be good with the kids if you aren't together you know?

pigletmania Mon 19-Aug-13 18:26:06

Op he sounds god awful, imwould leave him, he des not sound like he lies you, let alone loves you, he either cares or respects you! Imwouldvhaveasked him where my card and presse was. Seriously I would leave him!

pigletmania Mon 19-Aug-13 18:31:03

The most positive thing yu could doms leave him! You don't sound happy, infant yousound like you are in a very abusive relationship.

pigletmania Mon 19-Aug-13 18:33:41

Op,channel,all this anger and rage into leaving him! He sounds shit sorry he does!

Melonbreath Mon 19-Aug-13 18:56:04

You deserve better

goodgollygosh Mon 19-Aug-13 19:02:41

Wow thanks everyone for the support. Its true I'm a push over and have been treated like dirt for far too long. I don't want this anymore. I don't need to be with him for the kids sake anymore its gone too far and I hate feeling so worthless

pigletmania Mon 19-Aug-13 19:12:46

Good golly you know what you must do. It is detrimental for children to witness you being treated like that by their father. By te sounds of things, he does not like you, let alone loves you

PixelAteMyFace Mon 19-Aug-13 19:44:46

Your H (can`t bring myself to call him DH) sounds so unpleasant that my blood is boiling on your behalf.

He has absolutely no respect for you, don`t waste any more of your life with him. As others have pointed out upthread, your children are going to grow up with this as a template of a relationship. Do you really want them to think that it`s normal for one person to be the doormat that the other tramples on so carelessly?

Some people get a kick out of being particularly nasty to someone they know is "devoted" to them. They like to keep pushing the limits to see just how much they can get away with. Stop being nice, but most of all, stop throwing away your young years on such a tosser. He will never change, the pattern for your relationship was set at the beginning.

You deserve far better than this self-centred arse who has destroyed your self-esteem. Be good to yourself and end your marriage.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 19-Aug-13 20:12:09

I'd have left his sorry ass over the Liverpool incident and the way he pandered to his ex but you can't go back now. However this thread has made me recall something very wise I once read on MN that is relevant here, which was something along the lines of this:

The only thing worse than spending 12 (in your case) years in a bad relationship is spending one more day in that relationship.

You can choose to stay in this marriage, OP, and remain in the same situation a week, a month, a year, ten years down the line, or you can choose to leave the marriage.

He called you pathetic. You're not. He is. You have a choice here - choose wisely.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 19-Aug-13 20:15:11

Just realised my first sentence sounded harsh and almost blames you - I didn't mean it to and that's not what I meant, so apologies for that. All I meant was that we all make mistakes that we can't go back and change, but we can ensure we don't make the same mistake again.

Dawnywoo Mon 19-Aug-13 20:26:35

Oh gosh, are you me? Right down to the weight loss and new fringe!

I have just been through this with the father of my child. For 5 years, I put up with it. Till eventually, 2 months ago I could not bear to waste another year of my life. I'm not necessarily saying LTB, but you know in your heart, he's a waste of space. For me, the saddest truth of all was the realisation that he had no respect.

Bizarrely, I have never put up with such shit before. I knew I was better than him and he didn't deserve me. I feel sooo much happier that I have had the guts to do what I wanted to do for the last 2 years and get rid!

Good luck and hugs. xx

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