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To be getting really fed up of my MIL's interference

(109 Posts)
arabesque Sun 18-Aug-13 17:20:38

She seems to think that because she only lives ten minutes away she can just pop in to see them every week, only giving us a couple of day's notice that she'd 'like to come over and see the children for a few minutes if that's ok?'.
She's also suggested several times that me and DH should go out for a meal and she will babysit - as if I'd agree to a mad idea like that.
Last year, when I had DC3, I arrived home from hospital to discover that she'd hoovered the house and left a casserole and a shepherd's pie in the fridge. I felt totally invaded and just burst into tears.

AIBU to consider sending her an email explaining that they're our children and really have nothing whatsoever to do with her; and that if I need a babysitter I will, of course, be asking my own mother and not some random paternal grandmother?

twistedtoffee Wed 21-Aug-13 19:59:14

My MIL is always causing trouble.

She has a holiday home in Cornwall and she texted DH last week saying 'why don't you all come down here for a holiday'. I assumed she was giving us the house to ourselves so you can imagine my dismay when we arrived and she opened the door with a big smile on her face.

I decided I was not going to give her the satisfaction of a row so I just marched straight past her and up to our bedroom where I unpacked my stuff making sure to slam the wardrobe door at regular intervals. When she asked what I would like for dinner I just shrugged my shoulders and when she put some fish fingers on the grill for the dc I just said politely but coolly, 'actually they don't eat processed stuff like that. I'll make them some scrambled eggs'. By about nine o'clock she obviously realised that she was behaving like a spoilt brat and gave a big martyred sigh and said she would book into a local B&B.

The following morning we went down to the beach and would you believe it, there she was sitting in a deck chair soaking up the sun. Well, I just marched straight up to her and said would she mind leaving as myself and my family were planning to spend the day there. She just gathered up her stuff and left without so much as a goodbye or a wave to the dc. Cow!

She's kept out of our way since then but, to be honest, I'm just not enjoying this holiday. DH is behaving most oddly. He doesn't want to come on any outings saying he's 'too embarassed to show his face'. I hope he's not becoming agoraphobic.

And the locals are very odd. When I walk in anywhere they stop talking, shoot me filthy looks, and turn their backs on me. Very rude! I can only assume that MIL has upset them all and they're taking it out on me. Typical of the bloody woman. She can't go anywhere without causing trouble and bad feeling angry

Viviennemary Tue 20-Aug-13 19:56:09

Well I sympathise. I expect you like to make your own casseroles to make sure only organic veg from Waitrose are used if you have run out of your own homegrown ones. And of course sterilised gloves when handling your baby and a face mask for germs. Some people have no consideration for others.

HaveIGotPoosForYou Tue 20-Aug-13 19:47:16

Yeah that sounds a bit much.

If she doesn't see them for a week, she'll be forgotten not from lack of trying

Flibbertyjibbet Tue 20-Aug-13 17:52:15

Over the years I seem to have trained my mil perfectly.

they dropped in on sunday for the first time in 6 months, having given us 3 days notice. They only stayed an hour as they were delivering one set of other grandchildren home, who had been staying with them for a full week, and then picking up the other set of grandchildren who are going stay with them for 2 weeks until school restarts.

thank god our children have never ever been invited to stay at their grandparents, I just don't know HOW sil and bil and their spouses put up with this constant KIDNAPPING that goes on every school holiday and half term. And when their other grandchildren stay, mil insists on buying them clothes!!! Taking them for days out!!! To the cinema!!! McDonalds!!! I mean, if she carried on like that with my kids she would get a telling right off for interfering in what they wear and what their little eyes and stomachs are exposed to!!!

And they live at the seaside too, how awful for sil and bil to have their children taken away to a place full of seagull shit several times a year. Thank god she is respectful of our boundaries and lets our children stay in the safety and comfort of their own home 365 days a year.

candycoatedwaterdrops Tue 20-Aug-13 17:23:36

"If my mum empties MY dishwasher ONE more time while she's looking after MY kids when I'm at work or brings me ANOTHER home made pie, I'm gonna knock her over the head with a frying pan angry"


Arabesque Tue 20-Aug-13 17:19:04

No HaveIgot I am totally genuine. I mean, this is the woman who complained a while back that the dc wouldn't know what she looked like they see so little of her. So I said I would put a photograph of her in the sitting room, but no, that wasn't enough apparently...... sad

HaveIGotPoosForYou Tue 20-Aug-13 17:14:05

Oh to the good old reverse AIBUs.

Your DIL sounds like an idiot.

But then, you already knew that I am sure!

Arabesque Tue 20-Aug-13 17:03:15

OP back. My MIL is getting worse. It was DS1's birthday yesterday and she asked if she could drop around with a present. I said no she couldn't because we were planning a nice family day. So then she asked if she could leave it in the day before his birthday and I again said no my parents and sisters were coming over for a little party with cake and a bouncy castle. So then she asked if she could just drop his present on the doorstep this morning and sneak back into her car without bothering us. So I just exploded and told her to fuck off and leave us alone and stop pestering the DC.
FIL and SIL have now both been on the phone to DH saying I am selfish, unwelcoming and treat MIL like dirt. God knows what lies she's been telling them angry.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 20-Aug-13 15:38:58

grin at 'Fucking slag'

MintyChops Tue 20-Aug-13 15:31:31

Twisted, I just can't BELIEVE your MIL didn't probate herself before she died. Utterly, shockingly selfish. You poor thing. Here, have some flowers.

NayFindus Tue 20-Aug-13 14:07:19

Oh you can have mine op. She is sooo thoughtful. She tells everyone at birthdays/Christmas not to get anyone elses kids anything because they have so much already and they won't appreciate it anyway, and that we're embarrassing ourselves because they don't do things like that in her family. And you don't get anything for the grow ups, no not even if they have cancer, because she sent flowers to them from all of us. And it's disgusting them asking for money for charity - you don't ask for money.

She's so good with dd too. When dd had that phase where she bawled her eyes out about visiting Nana, and I (shit stirring of course hmm) said well you don't have to go, she shot right back 'Yes I do. Mummy doesn't want me', and she was only 2.

Bless. Lovely MIL going to such lengths just so I can have some relaxing downtime. Ain't she sweeeeeet?

FitzgeraldProtagonist Tue 20-Aug-13 13:19:28

GOD I am so pleased you get it. Mine lives in the next street. But darn her, she never offers unsolicited advice, never pops round, is always cheerful (trying to PA me I'm sure), takes my son (her DSGS) to water the plants and gives him bloody biscuits, is humourous (showing me up as joyless no doubt) buys her DSGSs birthday presents that are not only age appropriate and fun but not annoying, NEVER EVER INTERFERES, only hangs around when invited to. AND gives us lifts to nearby restaurants so we don't have to waste money on taxis (CONTROLLING). OH and the one time she did call this house on the phone she had the cheek to apologise for disturbing us as she had found some pririton her son MY DP had just asked her for. Passive aggressively commenting on my inability to look after MY family. I mean, she really needs to learn how to let go. I'm the matriarch now!

DO not even get me started on SIL> as well as having bloody fixed me up with DP, working downstairs from me, being one of my closest friends who always calls to check how I am-CHUH, I actually bloody like her. Cowbag.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Tue 20-Aug-13 13:18:29

Brilliant! grin

twistedtoffee Tue 20-Aug-13 13:15:04

I know Wallace. Just illustrates how OTT some of the genuine MIL threads are.

WallaceWindsock Tue 20-Aug-13 13:11:10

I love the posters missing the humour on this thread! grin

twistedtoffee Tue 20-Aug-13 13:08:24

I definitely win the prize for most annoying MIL.

Last Summer she asked her if we would like to use her car while she was on holidays. I mean, why should we take care of her bloody porsche while she's off sunning herself in Marbella. Then she sent us a postcard saying the weather was gorgeous and she was having a great time. Talk about rubbing our noses in it.

Then a few months ago she died and left us her mansion, her fortune and a load of shares. You would not believe the hassle it has been getting her will probated so we could get our hands on everything. We have 3 dc so are very very busy. You would think she would have probated her will herself, before she died. But that would have been thoughtful and considerate. Two words that were not part of my late MIL's vocabulary.

chickensandbees Tue 20-Aug-13 13:05:45

My MIL had the audacity to buy all of DDs first school uniform after checking with me that she wasn't "treading on my toes". Shes's always buying clothes for the kids as well as looking after them 1 day a week since DD1 was 6 months old (even went reduced her hours and went PT so she could have DD whilst I went to work!!). She insisted on having DD during my maternity leave so I could have some time alone with DD2.

The cow!!

vintageclock Tue 20-Aug-13 12:58:31

My MIL is such an attention seeker.

Last Christmas DH insisted we invited her to our house because FIL had just died and she has no other family. It was very selfish of him because we always have loads of my family over on Christmas day and could do without an extra person. But I'm a bit of a softie so I said okay, but there wouldn't be room for another person at the dining table so she'd have to eat her Christmas dinner by herself in the kitchen. But DH said she wouldn't like that and would feel 'excluded'. So we all ended up totally squashed around the table so that this selfish woman could be happy.

WIBU to suggest we skype her this Christmas and all toast her a Happy Christmas as she sits in front of the telly with her cat eating a turkey sandwich?

ladymalfoy Tue 20-Aug-13 12:25:08

My PIL have offered to buy our long awaited DC the pram/pushchair. And this after she quietly took me aside and asked how I was. Of course that was a veiled allusion to knowing how long we've been trying and remembering my mc. And being all empathetic because she had 13 mcs before my DH arrived. I mean.... Does she think I want her lovely quiet support and marmalade ? Marmalade ? It's not like its the best in the world and bump loves it. Christ on a bike she's just too fucking thoughtful and nice.
I'm just girding my loins for a visit to theirs this weekend where I know my FIL will insist on ensuring I have the best and comfiest sun lounger and make sure my favourite hot sauce is on the table for lunch AND breakfast.
AND to add insult to all these bloody injuries my MIL will make her delicious home made sausage rolls and chocolate cake just for me.
Fuck me I need a lie down now I've had to think about the indignities I'll have to suffer this weekend.
I'll need you all to be here for me. thanksthanks TIA

Hopasholic Tue 20-Aug-13 11:54:37

If my mum empties MY dishwasher ONE more time while she's looking after MY kids when I'm at work or brings me ANOTHER home made pie, I'm gonna knock her over the head with a frying pan angry

Don't get me started on the ironing.....

madamginger Tue 20-Aug-13 11:45:09

My MIL is the worst of all, she steals my kids of me when I'm at work <and> feeds them <and> does bath time.
She even has the cheek to take the day off work to look after them when I had the most horrendous headache so I could go back to bed.
Fucking bitch

Calabria Tue 20-Aug-13 11:29:06

All my in-laws are interfering. While we were on holiday with them recently they had the cheek to take DD to the beach several times and buy her ice creams. Her aunt even took her out in the early evening for pancakes and refused to let me pay!

One of her little cousins just wouldn't leave her alone. Kept holding her hand while walking in the street. FFS he's nearly two, he doesn't need to hold the hand of a nine year old.

MIL even had the nerve to buy me a new top that I admired. And FIL paid for the whole holiday.

And MIL totally took over when the other DIL had to leave early to go back to work so that BIL couldn't look after their twin toddlers all by himself.


RiffyWammal Tue 20-Aug-13 10:02:37

Sister, I think it's time you went no contact. Don't visit the grave, destroy all photographs of her, ban your DH and DCs from mentioning her name. It's the only way you'll escape her manipulative emotional abuse.

Elesbe Tue 20-Aug-13 09:21:31

love this.grin

Sister77 Tue 20-Aug-13 09:12:54

Yeah my mil is a right number! She's only gone and died! How rude! She knew I was relying on her for childcare, she knew that I let her spend time with me, I let her cook and clean for me! I even lived with her! How very DARE she leave me!

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