Or is he?

[Twattybollocks]

Separated from husband 3 months ago, he is living elsewhere. He stayed over last night to do night feeds for baby to give me a break and also to get her used to not having me there overnight so he can have her for sleepovers with older kids.
In the space of 12 hours, he had commented on:
The bottle tops not being with the bottles - they were in fact where he left them as I don't use bottles as she is bf mostly with me.
The washing not being in the correct bins - historically, he used to do the washing, and we have 2 double bins with darks, whites, pinks and towels. I just shove everything whichever bin is to hand, when I'm washing I get everything out, sort it and wash. It's no biggie for me, as the kids inevitably put the wrong thing in the wrong bin and why stress?
Why there is a pile of washing on the floor in the utility room - simple, I haven't moved it yet!

After the third ridiculous nit picking comment I told him that this is my house now, I do things my way, it works just fine for me, and he can stfu and butt out.

Was I being unreasonable or is it really really rude to comment on stuff like that in someone else's home?
I don't interfere in the way he runs his house, it works for him, kids are clean clothed and fed when they visit, that's good enough for me. Should he not afford me the same respect?

[Roshbegosh]

You don't really need an answer to this x

[trinity0097]

He is being unreasonable and well done to you for saying that it's your home and your rules now.

[Spottypurse]

You know he is. But the boundaries are blurred because he's in the house where he used to live. And you're doing things differently to how he did.

Hugs xx

[Twattybollocks]

Yeah I knew I was being reasonable, but yes it is difficult when lines are blurred. It's one of the biggest problems in our relationship that he can be quite controlling (not in an abusive way, but that he thinks his way of doing things is best, and struggles with the fact that i do things differently because I'm not him and my way is equally right and valid for me. So basically, this just pushed all my buttons and i shouted at him. I didn't want to shout, and I don't think it was right but I just got annoyed about it.

[Spottypurse]

My ex-husband is the same. I got shouty this week about him telling me he was proud of me for getting a new job. . It wasn't what he said, it was the way he said it and all the expectation bundled up in the way he said it.

[bunnygoesbang]

You know the answer.
I have to say I am the control freak in my house and like things done a certain way.
I don't think it's a good idea for him go be staying at yours it does blur the boundaries.
He's a dad he can handle looking after his own child for one night and he can do that elsewhere. It doesn't sound like you got a break either

[Twattybollocks]

It's a temporary thing as she's only 6mo and mostly bf still, and with him being gone for 3 months she's only really known me caring for her at night so I wanted to get her used to him caring for her at night in her own home first so when she goes to stay at his then at least he is familiar

[fizzyface]

My XP was exactly like this. I once calmly asked him if he could accept that there is more than one "acceptable" way of doing things. As long as the job got done, what did it matter? He almost exploded

[MissMuesli]

I split from my partner last September and got 6 months it was he'll constantly not locking at the house, the way my dd was dressed, that she wasn't clean enough, we routine was all wrong etc. you get the idea. Now it's abit easier because my dd is 2 years but not I don't let him in the house at all. Ever. We hand over on the door step, and all communication is through text. I'm not sure our way is the healthiest way but it was at the point that I was dreading his visits, he was emotionally abusive and coming into my home to continue so much that my home felt invaded. So much happier now and it's so much easier to tell him to piss off to ask him to leave when he is acting like an arse.

[MissMuesli]

Ahhh iPhone -_- I spilt for ex partner in September and for the first 6 months he would constantly nit pick and criticise the house etc

[meditrina]

Oh dear!

But remember - you have a bigger plan here. The ONLY reason he is there is as part of the plan you have agreed is best in the longer-term interests of DD with him as an active co-parent, and it's at your invitation when it might benefit you too (I hope you did get a decent night's sleep).

Doesn't make it easy though. I suggest for the future, a couple of things: for comments like the bottles "Oh, really, I haven't touched them. Put them where you like" and for the washing: "Yes, I do things here the way that suits me now". Remember, you're moving on without him (and coping just fine). And seeing you thrive without his presence will not be a great feeling for him.