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to think DH has an attitude problem...

(173 Posts)
printmeanicephoto Wed 07-Aug-13 14:17:28

He is v. uptight about the house operating efficiently and makes me feel like a failure because I can't manage to complete all the chores (the weekly shop, most of housework, errands, most of clothes washing, cooking and ironing) during school hours on my two days off (Thurs and Fri) so we can have a chore-free weekend. I work 3 days plus one or 2 eves a week.

He has a lot of responsibility at work, leaves at 7.30am and gets in at 7pm each day. He puts the kids to bed when he gets in and reads them a bedtime story. He sometimes does the washing up and tends to cook at the weekends (I cook in the week).

Although I am generally more laid back than him in terms of my personality, I rarely sit down on my days at home and am not lazy but somehow I just don't manage to get it all done. So by the weekend he is disappointed that he has to muck in for most Sat morning to get it all finished, taking his precious time away from our primary school age kids who he doesn't see much of in the week.

His disappointment is really affecting my self-esteem and is making me resent him. Is he being unreasonable or am I for not managing to get it all done before the weekend? Is our situation normal or do most people in our situation manage to have a relatively chore-free weekend with plenty of quality family time together?

maras2 Thu 08-Aug-13 22:50:20

Print,I'm sorry if my dredging up your previous posts about DH and his EA has upset you hence you've not come back but I was so sad for you and for the way that he treated you previously.No one deserves to be treated like this.You sound like a thoroughly good woman and lovely mother.Unfortunately he doesn't seem to be a nice man despite being a proclaimed Christian.I find nothing Christian like in his treatment of you whatsoever.You really do deserve better my love.

MrsOakenshield Thu 08-Aug-13 21:08:31

maras is right. This is not just about housework.

(to the poster who asked about not doing much laundry - yes, I have a a fair few clothes for DD, cheap stuff and hand-me-downs - I just couldn't be doing with washing every day.)

Redlocks30 Thu 08-Aug-13 16:40:10

Is what Maras said true, OP? That changes the advice everyone will give drastically and your OP doesn't give a very representative picture of what's going in really.

Emilythornesbff Thu 08-Aug-13 16:29:29

Well if maras2 is right then he is a pig.
So sorry.

dreamingbohemian Thu 08-Aug-13 14:07:54

Well if he's been emotionally unfaithful that changes everything. I'd agree with maras' interpretation if that's true.

Arisbottle Thu 08-Aug-13 13:03:11

We have found that the only way we can cope is by doing an hour each before the day starts. Multi tasking is also your friend, so while the children are in the bath, clean the rest of the bathroom. While cooking clean the cupboards or sink.

I could probably clean our house in two days but it is clean and tidy to start with - and that makes a big difference.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 08-Aug-13 12:16:53

Affair confused

I wash ever day but don't iron and don't really put away. We have the Room of Doom where clean clothes are dumped and the door shut. Sort of like a walk in wardrobe.

outtolunchagain Thu 08-Aug-13 11:57:06

Those people who only do laundry once a week , do you have masses of clothes ? My children would run out if I did that .

I work 3 days but as my ds has a half day on one of those I only have 1.5 free days . I can't get it all done in those hours and feel a right failure on this thread.

The bathrooms need cleaning everyday so can't leave those for once a week and I find the weekends are when most of the mess is made because everything is at home.

maras2 Thu 08-Aug-13 11:42:58

I remember her posts from begining of the year.Lots of good advice was given at the time.

Redlocks30 Thu 08-Aug-13 11:41:08

Missed, not modded!

Redlocks30 Thu 08-Aug-13 11:39:02

Have I modded something? Where does the OP say her DH is having an affair?!

maras2 Thu 08-Aug-13 11:37:28

Sorry,Print but I think that your pig of a husband is trying to provoke your anger so he can use that as an excuse to resume his affair/non affair/dalliance or whatever he calls it.Don't let him bully you and if he does start that emotional affair again,tell him to sling his hook.Good luck,love.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 08-Aug-13 11:03:01

Quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby
And babies don't keep

DD is 13 now but my dust is still sleeping and I encourage spiders


AllThreeWays Thu 08-Aug-13 10:15:04

If you cant do it in two child free days, how do the rest of us do it when we work full time and we have the kids underfoot and social things to do on the weekend/

Nagoo Thu 08-Aug-13 09:53:02


ExitPursuedByABear Thu 08-Aug-13 09:28:52

Emjoi and two brackets either side


CinnabarRed Thu 08-Aug-13 06:50:32

Exit - how did you do that?!!

Emilythornesbff Thu 08-Aug-13 06:43:30

Well, even if you were to post a detailed account of each of your hourly workload and responsibilities, adding both of your available moments of leisure you still might not hear an unanimous response here grin
Maybe each of you needs to try to better understand each other's week and point of view.
Bottom line: you each should have some leisure time and no one should be making the other feel undervalued or inadequate.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 08-Aug-13 01:50:40

nagoo. yep I definitely rememer seeing the bottom of my laundry basket too... but only a couple of times in the last 10 years. one of which was when i bought the damn thing

MrsKoala Thu 08-Aug-13 00:40:56

well if he has say an hour every night to sit and drink a beer while OP is doing dinner/cleaning up then that's 5 hours she should have for coffee and exercise on her day off. That would be equal and then they could share chores on Sat morning and have the rest of the weekend for family time.

DoJo Thu 08-Aug-13 00:28:17

But, you want the time to go out for coffee with your friends and do some exercise - does your husband have time for these things? If you enjoying significantly more leisure time than him then it does sound like your arrangements are unfair at the moment.

Mintyy Wed 07-Aug-13 22:17:53

I think his expectations are completely unrealistic hmm.

He seems to expect that because he lives with you there is no requirement for him to do any housework or laundry.

What is that all about then? Is it because he is a man and you are a woman perhaps?

Shocking how these attitudes still exist. And in women too!

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 07-Aug-13 22:16:33


opilo Wed 07-Aug-13 22:09:31

I don't think his expectations are unrealistic, you have plenty of time to ensure that the house is clean and domestic chores are done.

diddl Wed 07-Aug-13 22:04:31

Yes, maybe.

All we seem to know is that he puts the kids to bed & cooks at the weekend.

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