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AIBU not to want to pay for everything?

(46 Posts)
violet123 Wed 07-Aug-13 10:12:04

My boyfriend and I don't live together, but spend the majority of our time at his house. He is not currently working, (I am, although I do not earn a great deal) but is trying really hard to find work. He does have some savings, which he is living off, but understandably is trying not to spend too much. The issue is that when I go round in the evenings, I always bring food/wine. I didn't mind at first, but I am now in a situation where I can't afford to pay for everything all the time. He rarely, if ever offers to contribute, even a couple of pounds, but seems to expect it. I tried to talk to him but he said (reasonably?) that we do spend all our time at his so it was not unreasonable for me to pay for all food/wine. We have a good realationshiop, but I am feeling taken for granted. WWYD?

Whocansay Wed 07-Aug-13 19:48:48

Tell him he has mistaken you for meals on wheels.

Then run like fuck. He's a user.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 07-Aug-13 19:32:49

why doesnt he ever stay at yours, or do you live with ma and pa?

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 18:25:19

Come back, OP! Put the potato peeler down, hide the wine from your bf and come back on here and plan your way out of this!

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 18:23:43

Forget the alcohol intake, this guy expects her to feed and water him and suck his cock whilst he kicks back. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 18:21:26

I think it's more his sense of entitlement that's the problem, tbh. He wants some wine, he's not prepared to pay for his wine, he thinks someone else should pay for it.

His savings are safe; the OP is unable to save.

Also, buying food to take to someone's house is much more expensive than eating at home. At home she might just have egg on toast or something, but if he's expecting a meal, she has to pay for the ingredients. What's more (getting really angry now) she has to travel to his house and cook it, when he's been at home all day!

And I would put money on his saying he will do the dishes but he doesn't do them that night. Hard cash.

3birthdaybunnies Wed 07-Aug-13 18:14:47

I would also be concerned about the alcohol aspect. I know many people enjoy a glass of wine etc with meal, but if he is regularly expecting to drink more than he can afford to buy then he might have a problem. If he was hoping that you would russle up some pasta when you came over that's cheeky, expecting wine every night rings alarm bells. You don't need to drink loads to be addicted, it's whether you can stop if you need to, sounds as if maybe he can't.

Roshbegosh Wed 07-Aug-13 18:04:03

I bet you do housework and ironing for him, a bit of laundry too. Wake up and smell the coffee, he is having a laugh. What on earth are you thinking?

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 18:00:51

I couldn't put it better myself!

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 17:59:42

Don't get me wrong, Imperial, I agree. I'd have dumped the loser myself, but I was trying to be polite grin. Anyone who expects me to feed and water him whilst he sits on his arse and gets his dick sucked will soon find himself looking for some other desperate saddo to pay to service him.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:56:29

She says she doesn't earn a lot and can't afford to pay for everything all the time.

He's being very selfish. It's one thing if she invites him to her house for the weekend, but expecting her to rock up with food and drink every night? He's settling into not working, if that's his attitude.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 17:53:41

I wouldn't, but she appears to be happy to do that.

It's like he's expecting you to pay to come to his house and service his cock.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:53:20

Why doesn't he spend the evenings at yours? Is it because you get up to go to work and he stays in bed?

Eat your dinner before you go there. If he's not hungry, literally and figuratively, he won't find work.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:51:57

Why should she provide food?

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 17:50:04

Bet he's not spending much now you're feeding him. Expects you to buy wine? WTF?

Go over after dinner. No wine. Tell him you're happy to provide food but the free vino is over.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:44:58

Cocklodging doesn't have to involve a man living with you. It's anyone who is using you financially. He wants her to bring food and wine round every night whilst he doesn't do anything like that for her.

AnnabelleLee Wed 07-Aug-13 11:36:43

Cocklodger? no lodging, he has his own house to run, on no wages.

OP, perhaps you could talk to your boyfriend rather than let the mn massive tear him a new one? Be a grown up and discuss your finances together.

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 07-Aug-13 11:33:37


QuintessentiallyOhDear Wed 07-Aug-13 11:26:58

You mean BLT, surely. wink

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 07-Aug-13 11:25:42

Bollocks LTB blushangry

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 07-Aug-13 11:25:22

This is my very first LBT grin

QuintessentiallyOhDear Wed 07-Aug-13 11:24:46

Yes, why is he not coming to yours? Is he worried you will ask him to bring food and wine?

So, you work. And he does nothing. Come evening, you drag yourself and food and wine to his. I think I smell a mug here....

AMumInScotland Wed 07-Aug-13 11:20:33

WhoThe - a cocklodger is a man who doesn't contribute anything to the relationship apart from his cock, and expects in return to get food, a place to stay, all his washing done, etc, etc. Just because out of the goodness of his heart he is providing her with sex.

Unfortunately many women seem prepared to put up with them, because they believe that he is "lovely" in some unspecified way, or "good with the children" without actually being any real help, or "well, who else would take me on since I'm a single parent?" type of reasonsing.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 11:19:12

He's a user, OP. Why don't you have dinner before going over there and don't take any wine?

Or <gasp> why doesn't he shift his arse and come over to yours?

QuintessentiallyOhDear Wed 07-Aug-13 11:14:41

Move on. He is a grabby, rude, user/loser.

dreamingbohemian Wed 07-Aug-13 11:10:10

How often are you going over there, and what kind of food are you bringing?

If it's only a couple nights a week and you can just bring basic pasta makings and a cheap bottle of red, that doesn't sound too bad. If it's most nights and you have to bring takeaway or expensive food then that's not fair.

How long has he been unemployed and do you think he'll find work soon?

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