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to think I have a right to know my child is going to have a sibling?

(55 Posts)
CuteFeet Tue 06-Aug-13 22:49:46

My exHs girlfriend is pregnant. I guessed several months ago when our dd was moved out of the bedroom next to his against her wishes yet still my ex has not actually told me. I have had another child since we separated and ensured I told him rather than him hearing it from someone else as obviously having a sibling is a big deal for our daughter. AIBU to think that exH should have told my daughter and I? She found out yesterday when her old bedroom was left unlocked and saw a cot etc in there. Girlfriend is at least 5 months pregnant so not waiting for the 3 month thing.

anonpost Wed 07-Aug-13 16:16:49

I think you should have been told, only because it'll affect your daughter.

CuteFeet Wed 07-Aug-13 16:18:30

Natasha - I guess maybe they thought it better to move her before announcing baby so she didn't feel she was being moved because of baby? Her father doesn't give her much credit for having a memory!

anklebitersmum Wed 07-Aug-13 16:29:55

If they have moved your DD into a new bedroom solely because of the new baby then they should have explained why..especially as you say she objected to being ousted.

You don't have any 'rights' per se but personally I told my ex before I told my DS when I got pregnant. He was nasty no suprise there but I figured it was, as you say, 'the right thing to do' regardless. DH told his DS and then his ex when he took DS back to ex's so backwards but essentially the same.

I'd be taking your ex aside and having a conversation about the whole situation if I were you, on the proviso that it is already affecting DD even if he is not aware of it.

Perhaps he's just under-estimated how sharp she is?

Bruthastortoise Wed 07-Aug-13 16:53:07

I think they should tell your DD but I'm not sure you have right to know. Re. the change of bedrooms - I rearranged the bedrooms in my home before youngest DS was even conceived on the basis that any negative feelings about thr move from the older DC wouldn't be focused on the new baby. Maybe your ex did the same.

Firebomb Wed 07-Aug-13 17:42:25

After reading your comments, OP, I have to agree that YANBU at all and it sounds as though your XH is being unreasonable. We didn't cut down visitation with his DS at all after I had my son. Definitely didn't tell him we weren't going to have as much time for him. You need to make sure that his GF is not trying to cut your DD out of his life (either as a jealousy thing, ie, she doesn't want him to have any kids but theirs. Or as an angry things, ie, she doesn't like your DD) She has no say in his visitation with his DD and should not be influencing that decision, so make sure that she's not trying.

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