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AIBU?

To think my SO is being unreasonable?

9 replies

Firebomb · 06/08/2013 19:55

Me and my SO got into a huge fight today about how he feels like he is doing everything and I am doing nothing except taking care of the baby. It would have been fine if it was a calm discussion, but he was screaming at me in front of the baby and just generally putting me down about my depression and PND and my lack of motivation to really do anything. So after he left to go help a friend fix his car, I thought about things for awhile and I started texting him. This was the conversation:

Me: I am honestly tired of fighting with you. If I am even going to make an effort to better this, then you need to make an effort too because I don't want our son OR your son to grow up thinking it's ok to treat people the way you treat me, because it's never ok no matter what they do. Try being helpful and supportive instead of angry and mean because the way you treat me makes me feel like I can't do anything and so I don't. Why risk getting it wrong if you'll only yell at me for that too? And don't say you wouldn't because you have. So if I make an effort, you need to as well.

Him: you act like I've always been like this fuck this shit I'm not gona do this over text or phone

Me: I'm trying to have an honest conversation here because it is easier for me to write things down rather then say them. Don't get mad at me for trying.

Him: I'm mad because I've given you plenty of time and opportunity.

Me: and you want me to make an effort so I'm making an effort.

Him: This is not the time or how it needs to be handled, now I'm busy.

Am I being unreasonable to think he is just not willing to cooperate with me?

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WhoNickedMyName · 06/08/2013 20:00

I think it's better to try and start a discussion with him when you are both calm and able to talk or text properly... Not when you've just had an argument and he's up to his elbows in oil and grease trying to fix a car.

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LaurieFairyCake · 06/08/2013 20:02

How about you have a conversation when you're both not busy.

If its easier for you to text than talk then do it in separate rooms in the house.

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mumofweeboys · 06/08/2013 20:02

He is trying to fix his friends car, he probably doeant have the time to get into a whole txt conversation. He is obviously very angry still so not a great time to talk to him.

From his perspective he is probably struggling with your pnd and that you have changed but doesnt make it right shouting at you.

Be nice to yourselves, a baby can be a hand grenade in a relationship. Perhaps asking him what is one thing you can do thats a step in the right direction to show him you are trying

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Squitten · 06/08/2013 20:03

Texting is a terrible medium for any communication. If you want to write down how you feel, do it in a letter where you can think about it, write it properly and he can take the time to read it properly.

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LindyHemming · 06/08/2013 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 06/08/2013 20:05

I think that he's telling you that he doesn't want tohave this conversationby text. Which is fair enough. He's gone to help someone fix their caf and you chose this time to attempt to engagehim Iin a serious conversation about your relationship?

What's not fair enough is his total lack of understanding about pnd.
What about gathering some info to shove up his arse to show him.

If you find it difficult to talk, spend time writing a letter and ask him to read it.

He has got to understand that pnd is a medical condition and he has to help you.

Screaming at you is dreadful.

If youd broken both your legs would he be screaming at you? If you were laid flat out with, I dunno, malaria, would he scream at you?
He needs to understand that pnd is as real as anything else and it is not something you are doing to him.

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Firebomb · 06/08/2013 20:07

Yeah I guess so. I just wanted him to know that I was willing to try and end the arguments because I'm so tired of fighting with him. All we do is fight anymore, and about really stupid things. He's even started bringing up stuff from over a year ago to fight with me about! I'm tired of having things thrown back in my face. I want to keep my family together so I'm willing to try, but he gets ridiculous sometimes with his yelling about everything.

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mynewpassion · 06/08/2013 20:15

How about getting outside help like a cleaner or family and friends? Maybe sitting down with a gp or hv will help him understand too.

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NotYoMomma · 06/08/2013 20:20

it doesnt sound like you were trying, you were saying what was the point in you trying?

have you addressed the pnd and seen the GP?

dont text

tell him we need to sit down and discuss and agree a time mutually suited, doing it when one of you is busy, or distracted, or annoyed is never the best idea tbh

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