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to not want to be made to feel boring because I don't want to go to an all night party and have to sleep on someone's floor

(50 Posts)
FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 05-Aug-13 23:26:06

Or go to a club until 6am
Or go to a dance festival
Or take drugs

I don't think it's unreasonable for me not to want to do any of these things. So why do I feel like the biggest killjoy when I say no?

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Mon 05-Aug-13 23:27:14

Context is needed with this?

AnyFucker Mon 05-Aug-13 23:28:27

Who makes you feel like this ?

cerealqueen Mon 05-Aug-13 23:30:02

Hmm. Was just having a think back to my own clubbing days as I told somebody who has kids same age as mine how old I was and when I heard how old she was, was thinking hmmm, I was still clubbing then. Ah, happy days.

How old are you Op, out of interest?

Gruntfuttocks Mon 05-Aug-13 23:31:17

If you don't fancy it, don't do it and find yourself some company that is more in tune with your way of thinking.

Some people can't say no for themselves and have to have a 'designated killjoy' to stop them...could this be your problem? Makes you feel rubbish even though you are doing the right thing.

FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 05-Aug-13 23:42:58

I don't think anyone makes me feel it other than myself actually!

It's one set of (boyfriend's) friends that do the all nights etc. Get on really well with them but just have no interest in that kind of night. So whenever we're invited I say no. But will happily go for dinner or drinks or to a normal party with them. Have been to a normal club with them til 2 which was fun, but can't do later than that.. And boyfriend can always go without me, I'm not bothered by that at all and he knows it. But I feel guilty that he has the choice of either not going or going without me.

It's definitely not him making me feel bad, he just accepts I'm not up for it.

Maybe it's repeatedly saying no? I didn't care the first few times.

Im 32, two young children. Mild insomnia which is mostly under control (until I fuck it up by for eg changing my sleep pattern too much)

AnyFucker Mon 05-Aug-13 23:47:25

Your life, do what you like.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Mon 05-Aug-13 23:50:15

I used to love that sort of thing at 22. But now at 32ish with 2 kids? No way, the very idea is exhausting! YADNBU

Do boyfriends friends have kids? Maybe that is what changes things.

Even when I was up for stuff like that DH never was. I just went with other people, was fine. If its an every weekend thing maybe you're not so compatible but if he just wants to do it occasionally and is otherwise interested in same things as you then I think fine to just say "not my thing".

FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 05-Aug-13 23:52:17

grin I need to just man up and not give a shit what people think (or might think) don't I?

AnyFucker Mon 05-Aug-13 23:53:50

Yup smile

FreudiansSlipper Mon 05-Aug-13 23:59:27

maybe its your Id screaming out and punishing you by making you feel like a killjoy grin

its not for everyone and you can only enjoy what you really enjoy not what others think you should

SupermansBigRedPants Tue 06-Aug-13 00:02:35

God I gave partying up at 23! I'd been clubbing since I was 15 and was bored of it. My last night out was February 12th 2011 - for valentines - and my friend and I sat on a couch in the smooth music area judging the naked ness of the women, the drunkenness of the idiot men and both fell asleep by 1:15 shockgrin our dp's had to wake us up and lure us to a taxi! Turns out I was a couple of weeks pregnant with ds at the time but still smile

Yadddnbu partying is in the mind not your age.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 06-Aug-13 00:04:11

Um, I think it's only you giving yourself a hard time here.

echt Tue 06-Aug-13 01:17:18

Obviously in my late 50s, the very idea of sleeping on the floor is out of the question.

However I did go my first music festival two year ago and loved it.

DD practically wore her lip out sneering at this but has now come round, entered the draw for tickets and will come with us. (Actually, we'll drive her and her mates there and ensure they pitch their tents well away from us.)grin

Monty27 Tue 06-Aug-13 01:21:08

It's my idea of torture I confess to being much older and at 32 with two young dc's, absolutely not.

Don't be pressurised.

Secretswitch Tue 06-Aug-13 01:26:03

I have agreed to go on an all night star watch thing. Sounded fab back in March. Now it is upon me, my thrill level has abated. I am certain I will be a mosquito magnet, step in fox poo, be eaten by a bear and have hot flashes. I really really do not like fun things anymore..

Lanceolate Tue 06-Aug-13 01:33:42

I have never liked sleeping on floors. It annoyed me at 15. If anyone had suggested it to me when I was 32 I would have laughed at them.

NapaCab Tue 06-Aug-13 01:37:32

If you were 18 or something then I might understand why your boyfriend's friend think you are odd. At 32 with two young children then, no, you are not being unreasonable. Actually I would say that these friends are because at 32 they should have more sense (unless your BF is younger than you e.g. 18 grin)

How can they even keep up that kind of thing at that age? I started running out of stamina for partying like that before I was even 25. Dinner, drinks et is much more civilized.

FreakoidOrganisoid Tue 06-Aug-13 08:33:42

I think basically, they are into dance music and proper clubbing. I am not, never have been. I enjoy having a few drinks and getting merry, not getting wasted.

I would quite happily go to a party but would want to be able to leave and go to bed, not have to stay up until the last people left so I could then sleep on the living room floor.

I'd go to a club, as long as I didn't have to stay all night.

It's only a few of his friends that are into this, and it's not every week or anything. I think I just feel bad because he enjoys dance music and clubbing, and would quite like me to go to these things with him but I won't if it's an all nighter or involves sleeping on floors or in cars.

The star watch thing sounds good though (although I'd probably be asleep by midnight!)

FreakoidOrganisoid Tue 06-Aug-13 08:49:06

The drugs bit is irrelevant really. A couple of them do when they go to a big club night but there has never been any pressure or even suggestion that I do.
I suppose I only included it as it's a factor in me not wanting to go to these things, being with people who are off their faces isn't fun.

beepoff Tue 06-Aug-13 09:17:26

YANBU - at any age frankly but at 32 with two DC - no way!

I did this most weekends until I was 25 and by then I'd had enough. These days it's maybe a once a year occurrence (I'm 33).

Binkybix Tue 06-Aug-13 10:35:06

I used to love this too, but have had enough now. Even hate staying at someone else's house really!

Famzilla Tue 06-Aug-13 10:41:34

32!? Jesus Christ I thought you were gonna say 18 or something.

I'm 23 and have outgrown that lifestyle.

They are the ones with the problem IMO.

HairyGrotter Tue 06-Aug-13 10:42:26

My DP and I are pretty hardcore, I have a 5 year old DD, and I'm 32. We have mutual friends who are similar age and circumstances who cannot keep up, and would rather dinner or a pub. I sometimes burn myself out and have to limit my party ways, but I would never feel like my mates are boring if they don't fancy an all nighter.

I also like quiet nights in, really depends on my mood. Don't make yourself feel like that, I bet your friends don't think that at all!

FreakoidOrganisoid Tue 06-Aug-13 12:47:56

I've spoken to my boyfriend about it this morning and asked him how he feels about me not wanting to do stuff like that. He said he feels disappointed and like I should make the effort.

He has also pointed out previously that he does things with me that he doesn't particularly want to do. Like go on days out with the kids. Or go to stay with my friends...
Aibu to think that it's slightly different because it doesn't involve anyone having to stay up all night or sleep on a living room floor? I'd go somewhere I didn't particularly want to during the day or evening, it's the all night lack of sleep aspect I can't cope with. I've tried to explain that to him and have said I'll go to a club as long as I don't have to stay there til 5 or 6am or hsve to sleep in a car for a few hours before the journey home.

I'm not sure he gets it. I guess if you are really into music and think clubbing is great then it can maybe be hard to understand that for some people it just isn't . I don't mind the music, but nor do I think it's amazing.

He hardly ever goes anyway, maybe once or twice a year so it's not a massive issue within our relationship. Re the party he has said he wouldn't like having to wait til everyone went home to sleep on living room floor either, it's just that he would like to go to his friend's housewarming party and that's the only way to do it without having to pay for a hotel and he'd rather not go than pay for a hotel.

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