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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

(1000 Posts)
JenniBoo Mon 05-Aug-13 15:08:02

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

Eyesunderarock Mon 05-Aug-13 15:10:50

I think as all of these things are happening in their own garden, then you might just have to put up with it. How about a high fence or screen between your garden and next door?
After your elderly neighbours, you now definitely have the breath of fresh air you craved.

YouTheCat Mon 05-Aug-13 15:11:15

They weren't in public, they were in their garden by the sounds of it. At that age, if they wanted to run around stark bollock naked, I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

kinkyfuckery Mon 05-Aug-13 15:13:26

They shouldn't be exposing themselves. I'd tell the mother the first couple of times, then if it still doesn't stop, maybe contact 101 and ask for advice.

As for the smoking, YABcompletelyU - they are perfectly entitled to smoke on their own property/garden/house, that's none of your business. If you asked me to walk to the end of my garden to smoke, I'd laugh in your face.

And unsupervised play in the garden - isn't that the point of having a garden?? Kids need to learn to play themselves, not have a parent hover over them constantly.

JenniBoo Mon 05-Aug-13 15:13:45

We have a high fence - but when they stand on the trampoline, they are above it iyswim - to be clear, they were not just running round naked, they had their shorts on - and were calling my DD's name and when she looked, pulling down their shorts to expose their penises and waggling them at her!

YourHandInMyHand Mon 05-Aug-13 15:14:02

Little kids of that age naked in their OWN GARDEN is fine OP.

When the stone came over she got the kids to apologise.

I agree the smoking is grotty but not much you can do there apart from keep your windows shut on the front or back (whichever side they smoke at).

MrsKeithRichards Mon 05-Aug-13 15:15:09

You seem to.have appointed yourself as some sort or barometer for acceptable behavior. They are your neighbours, you are not their gaurdian

libertine73 Mon 05-Aug-13 15:15:10

oh dear, they're not exactly like you are they? and your old neighbours? No they weren't either. you have lived next to people before though right? it's not always easy, battles must be picked, the stones coming over is not acceptable, the trampoline put a wicker screen up, but the smoking not much you can do about it.

YourHandInMyHand Mon 05-Aug-13 15:15:40

Xposted and see they were flashing rather than naked but toilet humour in this age group is not uncommon!

Tell your DD to ignore them, they will soon get bored if they get no reaction.

Eyesunderarock Mon 05-Aug-13 15:15:59

They are being rude little boys.
There is little you can do about this as they are in their own garden, other than tell your daughter to ignore their silly behaviour or come away from the view, or both.

JenniBoo Mon 05-Aug-13 15:16:23

I did tell the mother kinkyfuckery She didn't care.

Of course they are entitled to smoke in their garden - but it is an antisocial habit, and they don't seem to care how badly it affects us.

I don't have a problem with unsupervised play, but if I had a child/children who thew stones at their neighbours and got their genital out, then I think I would be out there supervising or they wouldn't be!

ophelia275 Mon 05-Aug-13 15:16:31

Buy a very very very large bush/tree/trelice and put it up against the wall (on your side of the house) and block them out completely - noise, smoke etc. That is probably what I would do anyway.

Floralnomad Mon 05-Aug-13 15:16:32

TBH I think you are overreacting apart from about the throwing stones into your garden . They are entitled to smoke on their own property and I agree with the mum that Boys will be boys about the 'willy waving' . If you had said the 8 yr old was doing it then I might have agreed with you . Perhaps you would be better off just telling your daughter not to look at them as they probably wouldn't do it without an audience . I agree about higher fences / screens as well .

pigletmania Mon 05-Aug-13 15:16:54

Yes it's fine for them to run round teir garden nacked but to expose themselves to your dd and waving ter willies about to her is not on and it's no acceptable beaviour. Imwould contact 101 for advice, tat would not be tolerated at school/nursery and should not b tolerated here.

Minifingers Mon 05-Aug-13 15:17:03

I five year old and a three year old on a trampoline waving their willies about?


Sheesh, lighten up.

WestieMamma Mon 05-Aug-13 15:17:52

I would have laughed at the willy-waving.

bearleftmonkeyright Mon 05-Aug-13 15:18:24

The thing is, she is right, her boys sound like, well boys. They are like that. The willy thing is just silliness and I think you are making too much of it. My boys are 5 and 9 and act just like your neighbors boys. I would probably have been a bit more sympathetic to your complaints than your neighbor in the interests of friendliness. But, its the summer, they are going to be in the back garden being noisy. I do think yabu.

ImperialBlether Mon 05-Aug-13 15:18:28

Why is everyone being so horrible? Would you really want to live next to that family?

Eyesunderarock Mon 05-Aug-13 15:18:34

Jenni, I think you may have to come to terms with the idea that their idea of parenting and yours are very different, in the same way that your previous, elderly neighbours disliked the balls coming over and the noise and thought that you were a difficult neighbour.

Pagwatch Mon 05-Aug-13 15:19:07

Ds2 loved naked trampolining for years, until he was 8 or 9 from memory.
He wouldn't wave it about though, not deliberately. Admittedly sometimes it waved all on its own

maja00 Mon 05-Aug-13 15:19:35

Get a grip!

So the parents smoke outside on their own property - good for them not to smoke in the house and expose their children to it.

The children play in their own garden. Um, this is normal. Children play.

A stone accidentally went into your garden. The mother made them apologise. What more do you want, blood?

3 and 5 year old boys think their willies are hilarious. Well yes, they tend to at that age. My 3 year old plays naked in his own garden all the time.

maja00 Mon 05-Aug-13 15:20:31

ImperialBlether - of course I would have no problem living next door to that family. Can't see that they have done anything wrong?

toffeelolly Mon 05-Aug-13 15:21:12

YABU. You said your elderly neighbour's complained about the noise of your children yet you are doing the same with this family. Do not think you can do much when they are in their own garden, I would get a high fence maybe, do not know what else you can do.

VelvetSpoon Mon 05-Aug-13 15:21:33

They sound like most little boys at that age, nothing untoward.

If they were 10 and flashing, I'd say they were definitely old enough to know better, but at 5, they are still little. And its not in the middle of the street, or a playground, its in their own garden.

I think you either need to be more relaxed about it, or put up a great big fence and try to ignore.

pigletmania Mon 05-Aug-13 15:21:55

Yes it's fine for them to run round teir garden nacked but to expose themselves to your dd and waving ter willies about to her is not on and it's no acceptable beaviour. Imwould contact 101 for advice, tat would not be tolerated at school/nursery and should not b tolerated here.

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