To give up on breastfeeding(66 Posts)
My DS is 7 months old and I am feeling increasingly uncomfortable BF him at my in laws, my MIL has made it clear she thinks its a bit perverse and that he will be perverted by it and my FIL just wants to know when I'm going to move on to 'proper' milk. I know they're wrong but am just so worn down by it all
Tell your DH that you are not going to ignore them and that HE needs to tell them to shut up about it otherwise you and the baby won't be seeing them anymore. Outrageous!
YABVU to give up BF just because of those idiots. Stand up for yourself!
Put you IL's completely out of the equation and forget about the people pleasing or worrying about what anyone else thinks, whether you carry on or give up. Seven months is plenty. If you feel ready to stop then stop. You don't need to justify it to anyone.
On the other hand if you are only thinking of stopping because you are concerned about issues with other people then don't stop - and learn to be more confident/assertive in doing what makes you happy and what feels right for you.
"oh MIL, yes it used to be frowned upon to BF, back in the old days, but now we have much more information and tons of research has been done which categorically states that BF is better, nutritionally, than formula. I'm so pleased you want me to feed him 'proper milk' as that is what I'm already doing"
Make sure you talk to her like she's a 3 year old, she's clearly got the mental capacity of one
insults 3 yo's
DS is 17 weeks, I currently get "are you still feeding him?" And "has he had any baby rice yet?" Fuckwits.
You do what's right for you and your baby. It would be awful if you stopped due to pressure and then felt bad that it wasn't the right decision. I'd rather feel that I'd gone against my in laws than ignored what I feel is best for my baby.
NOT a judgement on continuing breastfeeding or not, a judgement about sticking to what you feel is right and best for the both of you.
Sadly some people are just uncomfortable with babies being bf for more than the first 6months. Baffling but true. Just stand firm, smile, gently tell them the facts (oh nowadays they say breast milk is healthiest actually fil!) and if they keep going on about it then make it into a gentle kind of joke (oh mil, you're not going on about that again are you! You are very interested in my boobs aren't you, hahaha only joking! PERVERSE? Oh that's hilarious! People do have some funny ideas don't they! Etc etc.) you might find this easier if you are a non-confrontational type. But please don't let them put you off - they've no right to do that.
You're giving your baby milk that evolution has spent millions of years perfecting for a human baby. Your FIL thinks that the proper milk would be that which evolution spent millions of years perfecting for a cow. Now that's perverse.
Chipmonkey- so sorry about your daughter.
Your first paragraph is spot on.
Humiliated- don't be like your name . If you want to carry on BF and it's working well for you and your baby, then you are the only two people that matter. If your MIL says it's perverse (FFS!) then you'd be prefectly justified in replying that you are feeding a baby, and anybody who finds that perverted needs to think about what that says about them.
Response to FIl is simple- it is proper milk. Your baby is getting bespoke milk which your body is tailoring to meet his needs exactly, even taking into account things like the weather.
If you are ready to move onto formula , then that has to be your choice and one that you make after considering what's best for your baby and for you. Your child's food should not be compromised because of your ILs ridiculous prejudices.
How dare MIL even think herself entitled to an opinion on how you feed your baby, let alone vocalise it! Entitled, much?
On a practical level, we've established that you want to keep on bf. And that you're sufficiently upset at the way you're being treated that you're thinking about putting an easy life ahead of feeding the way you prefer. Neither of these things are right or wrong, they're just how you feel. So with that in mind, there are strategies that might allow you both to keep bfing, and to avoid MILs uber-cuntlitude. Specifically, expressing. Are you able to do it? Or if DS is 7 months, presumably he's having some solids now- perhaps time visits to coincide with this rather than a milk feed, if he has a routine now?
I am sorry for your loss chipmonkey.
chipmonkey I'm so sorry.
humiliated I agree with aldiwhore
Or just don't go so often. Send dh there with your ds and some expressed milk and enjoy your rest.
I have read through the thread but everyone has already said what I would have. I hope you manage the withstand all the nonsense Humiliated and continue to feed as long as you both want.
And, I just wanted to add Chipmonkey, I am so sorry.
There should only ever be two people involved in a discussion on giving up breastfeeding. One is the mother, the other is the baby. Everyone else should just butt out!
You know, I am a bf enthusiast. I have spent 6.5 years bfing. I should be still bfing now but dd died suddenly. I really wish I was still bfing her.
But that said, I know that it's not everyone's choice and for some babies, formula is necessary and for some mothers it's a sanity-saver. If that were the case fine. But it's not the case. As far as I can see, Humiliated you and your lovely boy are happy with bfing. Don't give that up for a pair of weird weasels.
If you're going to give up breastfeeding please don't do it because of your IL's OP. If YOU want to stop then fair enough, but don't feel pressured into it.
I had this from mil last week. I told her I would be giving up when we were both ready, and the minute it became any of her business, she would be the first to know!
"I'd quite like to be a granny someday so a little encouragement won't do any harm, will it?"
Tell your dh to stick up for you - they're making you feel unwelcome. Or, send him round there with the baby while you kick back and do something nice!
vilewoman "the WHO advice is to BF for a minimum of 2 years and let them choke on that."
I first read that as being the actual wording on the WHO website... seemed a bit conflicting
Read some of this, you'll have plenty ammunition if they try being awful.
If you want to carry on then do what your Dh says and ignore them.
They're clearly sick in the head to say stuff like that to you.
Say what uneventan suggested -
"I don't want to discuss how my baby is fed. Please do not bring this up again. smile"
Repeat like a broken record.
You're not wrong to give up on breastfeeding.
YABU to give up because of your PIL's strange ways.
They are entitled to their opinion, they are entitled to voice, to are perfectly within your rights to ignore it completely.
I would have fun with it. Practice one liners that prey on their small minded views... I remember when I dressed my then toddler son in pink, and my extended family (not PIL's but their rellies) said I was "very modern" and "was I not concerned about his future"? I said "Oh yes, I am simply desperate to have at least one gay son, I mean, who else will go shopping with me?" (Obviously I don't give a shite either way, and do not stereotype people in my usual daily life) They soon shut up. They whisper when I see them now, but I only see them when someone dies so it's not too difficult to keep them confused, worried and afraid.
These are people that think that my one lesbian distant relative became 'that way' because she wore her big brother's jeans as a child. There is no reasoning with people like this, so just let it amuse you, when it ceases to amuse you, fuck them off... and if you can't do that, erupt to such a lioness extent that they zip it.
My DH is supportive but just says 'oh they're mad ignore them' I think if they were insinuating he was thriving I could shrug that off (he's massive) its just the incidios nature of the comments about it being odd and perverse, I know I'm not perverted but to constantly hear snide comments and get odd looks is hard. We are round there a lot think ill have to tell DH to tell them off, just wish they could accept it as natural
Yes it's to a minimum of two, they are not telling you to stop then if you don't want to either! I must say before I did it myself I would have thoug it odd to feed for so long. But then I had a lot of ideas about motherhood which the lo soon knocked out of me!
Should say, if you want to feed for less than the WHO recommendation that's fine, it's your body.
What awful people. Your OH needs to man up and tell them to butt right out. BFing is a relationship between you and your LO and only one of you two can decide when to stop BFing, not some ignorant and rude relations.
Remind them that the WHO advice is to BF for a minimum of 2 years and let them choke on that. Should shut them up for a while (worked on my Mum who is pro-Bfing but has a shorter time limit on it that me).
Xiao - I completely get what you're saying re difficulty establishing bfing. I was the same. I'm now starting to get comments about stopping bfing & I just want to tell them to fuck off! Dd is 10 mo btw.
OP - as others have said, UNICEF guidelines are to bf until 2. At the very least, a baby's main source of food until 1 is BM (or formula of course). Please don't give up unless you want to, you'll regret it & resent your ILs.
I cannot understand why people are so judgemental about bfing, I mean we're all encouraged (or forced, depending on what side of the argument you are) to bf our kids & then, once we've got it established & it's easy, we're all forced/encouraged to give it up! I mean wtf?!! Society has literally gone mad
What does your DH say?
I disagree with sitting down and sorting it out with them,
I think they need to be told to mind their own business.
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