to ask dds dad not to feed her sugar?

[wearyandweepy]

Dd is 5. She's having to visit the dentist every 3 months to have her teeth varnished as she has cavities. The dentist said she will have to drill her teethif the ccavities get worse and that she must have minimal sugar if this is to be avoided. She doesn't have much sugar with me anyway but we've cut back where we can - ie ice lollies instead of ice creams, salad instead of fruit etc. She has fortnightly contact with her father and a bit extra in the holidays. He doesn't brush her teeth or encourage her to do so(she does it off her own back to look after her teeth though as she knows about the cavities but doesn't do a great job; when she returns the first toothpaste spit is yellow and her breath smells.)

Today when he collected her I spoke to him about what the dentist said and asked him to reduce her sugar intake there. Last time she was there she had: 2 choc cereal bars plus grapes and strawberries dipped in choc spread for breakfast, 2 milkshakes, cake with lunch, chocolate for snack, lemonade, ice cream, ccheesecake - all before she returned on the Sunday at 3pm. He started badgering her about eating more veg instead of fruit but said he won't cut back on 'treats' as he 'likes to relax and treat her at the weekends/in the holidays.' dd already hates the dentist and IMO will be terrified forever if she hasto have her teeth drilled. It is me that has to take her - he doesn't get involved in anything responsible - so me that will have to persuade etc if he continues to give her so much sugar and also not brush her teeth. AIBU to ask him to take a little responsibility and brush her teeth/cut back on treats?

[MimmeeBack]

Ask him.
And get him to take her to the dentist next time so he can hear the impact on her teeth from a professional.

[wearyandweepy]

I did ask him, he answered as above. He will not take her to the dentist.

[HeySoulSister]

then tell him he will need to deliver her back to you in the evenings,no overnights,til her teeth are being brushed twice a day

[wearyandweepy]

Still doesn't make all the sugar he feeds her in the daytime better though unfortunately.

[HeySoulSister]

well no,but its a start. might make him think a bit more!!

[musicposy]

I would absolutely insist he does the dentist trips from now on. Why should it be you and not him?

[EagleRiderDirk]

I agree with hey. This is about something that affects your childs health (yes, I consider dental to be a part of health). If my x was demonstrating he wouldn't (not couldn't) look after her health then I would be changing visitation to something else - is supervised an option?

[Bullygirl]

I'd be going to another dentist just to make sure you're not being fleeced. A second opinion can't hurt and every 3 months seems a lot to me. It's usually once or twice a year. If you are very careful with the sugar and she is such a good brusher the extra she has when she's with her dad shouldn't make that much difference.
Having said that YANBU in expecting your DD's dad to be cautious about her health and listen to the advice of experts.

[JADS]

Actually Bully girl the NHS guidelines are to see children between every 3-12 months dependant on need. Good to see the dentist being pro active with the varnish.

Op YANBU that is a lot of treats. To me, it sounds like he is being lazy and just letting her graze on sugary stuff all day. He needs to be cutting down. Some people can that kind of rubbish all day and get away with it, your daughter is unlucky and can't. It is a health issue. All he needs to be enforcing proper brushing.

[wearyandweepy]

Bully - it's NHS treatment so not paid for as shes only 5. She isn't a good brusher at all and is too young to be doing it herself and without encouragement - 20 seconds feels like two mins to her!

Music - he claims to be unable to finish work early when it suits him so him taking her to the dentist is impossible.

JADS - her dad is very overweight and has poor eating habits so he knows only too well the consequences of such foods. It's more frustrating because dd isn't used to those foods here so doesn't ask for them there - it's him actively encouraging them.

[Bullygirl]

Ahhhhh I'm in Australia where everyone pays to see the dentist and it can get expensive. Well in that case yanbu.