Am a regular but have NC incase IABU, don't wanna ruin my street cred and all that
DP are getting married next year. We're doing it on the cheap as we don't have much money and don't wanna get into debt. When discussing venues my parents suggested the country pub they play darts in, as it has a nice garden, restaurant and has had weddings there before. It is close to where I was raised so I already know the majority of people who work there. Perfect, I thought.
Told DM I would give the landlady a call. Don't worry she said, I'll talk to her. DM told me that the landlady was very excited at the prospect and to pop in today and see her. DP and I arrange to go in and DM informs me that her and DF will come too. I told them not to worry but they insisted, saying I'd get a better deal if they were there. I said fine, providing they didn't start saying "no, you don't wanna do that, what you wanna do is...".
The reason I said that is DM has form for being VERY controlling, and aggressive when I don't do as I'm told. A few examples are kicking me out of the house when I was 16. Disowning me when I refused to drop out of university after losing my job (DP was supporting me, but supposedly it was 'shameful' and 'dirty' to rely on a man...She hasn't had a job in 10 years). Saying that I was nasty and thought I was better than her because I refused to wean DD onto purees at 3mo. Telling me "you think you're really pretty, but you're not" when I booked holiday off my minimum wage job at 18 to do some modelling.
Anyways, I digress. When we get there it seems like noone is expecting us. The chef comes out utterly oblivious to what we want or what we're doing so I ask to speak to the landlady. As expected, DM and DF start going "what we want is...". I sit there silently until they have finished before saying "No, what we want is...And it's our wedding so". The landlady is very enthusiastic and happy with our plans. We don't want anything special, just a band and a big piss up really.
After the meeting, landlady and chef go away (appearing) happy. DM then starts with "you don't want your wedding at that time, you want it at this time because...", "you don't want your band inside, you'll disturb people trying to have a relaxing drink (in a different room!) it's give and take you know, you're being very selfish and they'r doing you a favour". Tried to explain to DM that they are a business, we are paying them a fair chunk of money for food and drinks and they'll be making a fortune on the bar. The landlady was practically rubbing her hands with glee when I told her how many guests we were having and accepting all their prices. I apologized for getting frustrated at the beginning and the landlady apologized to me for not knowing that this meeting was taking place.
But nope, I am "selfish and an embarrassment. Think you're better than everyone else and everyone should just bow down to you." She stormed off shouting that she couldn't stand me for another second. I went home and cried. I'm supposed to be excited about my wedding and she has shit all over that.
She has just text me saying I'm bloody horrible and that I never used to be like that, what has changed me?
I dunno. Am I being a bridezilla? Should I be a bit more laid back and let others have their way on bits of my wedding?
Sorry for the essay?
AIBU?
Am I being an unreasonable bridezilla or is DM just up to her old tricks?
Famzilla · 01/08/2013 21:12
Have to say, that although I would really guilty about doing it to the very nice landlady who is over the moon at hosting your wedding, I would be tempted to change the venue or just tell your DM that you have 
. If you decide to stick with the venue, then i would go back down there and make sure that the landlady is aware of whose wedding this is and who is calling the shots. That whatever your DM may say to her, there are to be NO changes without your personal say no.
Should have said that YANBU and that you are NOT being a bridezilla! 
Hope you have a fab wedding day, and an even better marriage! 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
You know nothing you do in relation to your wedding will be "right" for your mother, or in life for that matter, change the venue and don't invite her. Have a fab day just how you want it 
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