Advanced search

I know I was unreasonable but .....

(23 Posts)
Pickle131 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:36:29

This happened to my mum on a train. The suitcase was very heavy and really could have killed her! YANBU, she should have apologised profusely. But people can be pigs. Clearly she wasn't really sorry she hurt you or she'd not have retorted as she did. The only thing to do is forgive her for being an ill mannered careless idiot or I'd be in a rage for ages!

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 01-Aug-13 19:49:36

Rhonda no. She was far too posh to be a scouser wink

You really have all made me feel so much better. It was DD and DH who were looking at me as though I was being unreasonable. Because I swore. In public.

LRDYaDumayuIThink Thu 01-Aug-13 19:14:59


Nice cross post.

I promise I am not a balding commuter in Aberdeen.

Mia4 Thu 01-Aug-13 19:14:50

YANBU, she's rude, that's a token sorry if ever I heard one.

LRDYaDumayuIThink Thu 01-Aug-13 19:14:00

You were in hurt and startled - your reaction was natural. Hers was rude.

I was on a train where someone shoved something too big onto the overhead shelf and it immediately feel out onto me - they were absolutely mortified and extremely kind, and I reacted much as you did to start with - she understood it was because I was shocked.

MaBumble Thu 01-Aug-13 19:10:13

You weren't rude, she was rude and clumsy.

I once, whilst getting on a packed train, dropped a heavy laptop bag on someone's head. They swore, I apologised about a thousand time (I think I even patted his bald head once). I didn't take umbrage at all, I was mortified.

What made it worse was that I was going home after a week working away (belfast, carlise then aberdeen) and was coming down with flu, and was obviously snotty, coughing and running a temperature. And I had to sit opposite this bloke from Aberdeen to York. So on top of mild concussion I probably gave him, and the entire train, flu.

If it had been me I'd have done way more than swear.

Worst. Journey. Ever.

HandMini Thu 01-Aug-13 19:09:26

Hmm, it's a really tricky one.

British social etiquette suggests the "accept an apology" conversation that usually goes "oh no problem, no harm done".

And that's fine when someone bumps you with a shopping trolly by accident but when there IS harm done, as was the case here, it's a bit awkward.

It's a bit of a mouthful to say "I appreciate and accept your apology but I'm in a lot of pain and I don't want to engage with you right now".

In any case, you were not being unreasonable. You were injured.

Betternc4this Thu 01-Aug-13 18:59:47

I usually find a 'That doesnt stop my head/foot/arm whatever hurting though does it' in these situations is very satisfying or 'I'd rather you'd been more careful than sorry to be honest'.

But I am very unforgiving I'm afraid when it comes to pain caused me by idiocy of others.

RhondaJean Thu 01-Aug-13 18:56:17

Was she by any chance scouse exit? ;-)

LindyHemming Thu 01-Aug-13 18:52:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPresley Thu 01-Aug-13 18:44:28

No Euphemia as much I would like to go to Orlando, I'm off to Memphis with an overnight stay in Tupelo as well smile

Can't wait, I've waited a long long time for this holiday. 10 days of Elvis Elvis and more Elvis smile

Hope you have a great time!

LindyHemming Thu 01-Aug-13 18:26:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPresley Thu 01-Aug-13 17:49:59

I don't think you were rude, not a bit, in fact I think you were quite restrained!

But YABU to come on here, showing off about being on holiday when I still have 9 weeks and 2 days to wait grin I am not counting down the days, hours and minutes

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Thu 01-Aug-13 17:46:48

I think it was her place to make you feel better, not vice versa.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 01-Aug-13 17:43:53

Thank you all.

I feel better now. I just felt a bit rude.

DoJo Thu 01-Aug-13 17:42:37

If I had been her, I would have apologised again, profusely and asked if you were ok, helped you check your glasses and offered to buy you another pair if there was any damage at all. Then probably checked that you were ok, and apologised again and asked if I could buy you a drink or something (because I do tend to overdo things slightly!), but I hate surprises of any kind so I would have been putting myself in your place.
One brief 'sorry' and then getting in a hump that you didn't accept immediately, presumably because you were still a bit shocked that something had landed on your head, isn't exactly apologetic behaviour. Saying sorry and being sorry are different things, and it sounds like it was lip service rather than a genuine apology, so YANBU and she was.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 01-Aug-13 17:39:03

I know, but she did say sorry, I just didn't accept her apology. Which left me feeling like an ignorant heel.

But anyone can say sorry. It doesn't mean anything does it?

I don't know why I keep thinking about it. I was just so cross that she did it. I go out of my way not to hurt or impinge on others.

cacamilis Thu 01-Aug-13 17:17:46

I hear ya, and yanbu, I would be mortified if I hurt someone else especially on the head, however unintentional it was.
On our last holiday I was hit twice in the shoulder quiet hard by a man descending the stairs off the plane. He never acknowledged it let alone said sorry even though my daughter saw the second hit and asked if I was ok. I knew there wasn't much point saying anything to him as he sat near us on the plane and it was obvious he was an ignorant so and so. However I am still annoyed at myself that I lacked the skills to articulate to him, without been hostile, that what he had done was rude and that he had injured me. I have arthritis in that shoulder and I was left in a lot of pain for over a week.

It's such a pity that as adults we shy away from vocalising when someone does us wrong and we feel obliged to accept half hearted apologies.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 01-Aug-13 17:14:54

She didn't save anytime as apparently she was stood next to DH on the bus. My initial outburst may not have been that quiet blush

I just felt bad for not making her feel better confused

My cousin says he uses "Thank goodness I wasn't a child" in situations like that, but I can never think of something at the time.

MaxPepsi Thu 01-Aug-13 17:13:09

Erm, I'm with you.

No she didn't do it on purpose, but she didn't even ask how you (or your glasses) were?

She's rude.

Enjoy your holiday.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Thu 01-Aug-13 17:12:00

I think she was more unreasonable than you, I would've sworn loudly too.

ilovechips Thu 01-Aug-13 17:11:46

Well for what it's worth I don't think you were that unreasonable...just how much time did she save by getting up so quickly anyway!

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 01-Aug-13 17:08:51

At the end of our flight to our holiday destination the plane landed and taxied along the runway. I took my reading glasses off and put my sunglasses on my head ready for the blazing sunshine when we left the plane. The second the seat belt signs were switched off, a woman a few rows back leapt up and came and stood by my seat, opened the overhead locker .... and dropped her hand luggage on my head. "Whoops" she said, "that was heavier than I thought". "Sorry".

I was stunned, in more ways than one, and swore, several times, not at her, but generally, whilst checking that my sunglasses had not been broken. She said again "Well I've said I'm sorry" and then stomped off back to her seat.

Now, I know that what she wanted me to do, and what I probably should have done was say "Oh don't worry about it" thereby absolving her of any guilt. What I wanted to do was rant at her about the stupidity of people like her who ignore all the warnings about taking care when using the overhead lockers and who simply have to be first up when the seat belt signs go out despite the fact that they can't go anywhere and end up having to wait for the whole plane to empty before the buses set off for the terminal.

So in the end I didn't do anything except rummage in my handbag and swear under my breath.

And my head still hurts.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now