I am aware this sounds really bad and I am not suggesting I will do anything to take my own life, but I would very much like to not be around for more than a couple more years; maybe when I hit 50.
My DCs are both over 18 and by then I will have been alone for 15 years and not had a date for over 10 years. This might sound defeatist but I have been an LP for 13 years already and not had a proper date for 7 so going on last form nothing is likely to change in the next couple of years.
I have had enough of the responsibility, the lack of support, the struggling with money and the lack of feeling valued and wanted. I am not sad about all this, nor do I particularly feel sorry for myself...I would just like to know it will all end. The thought of another 30 odd years like this fills me with a sense of hopelessness, and of a life wasted. The is no real point to my living once my kids are settled.
I am not religious but feel that my using precious resources that could be better employed on others far more worthy, proves that there is no just deity; I could get with my life being a punishment if I knew I have done something really bad, but often the nastier people live better lives.
I am not depressed as I get up everyday and do the household chores, go to work, and also am generally well-dressed and made-up for the world. I have had depression and i know this isn't it. This really is a genuine feeling that it would just be lovely to go to sleep one day and never wake up. Is that an unreasonable thought?
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AIBU?
AIBU to just want to go to sleep and not wake up?
8 replies
LatelyOfShalott · 01/08/2013 10:52
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