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to want to skip this wedding today...

(69 Posts)
DancingLady Thu 01-Aug-13 10:16:41

A few months ago I was invited to a wedding reception, taking place this evening. Invite was via Facebook group. The person getting married is a lovely woman I worked with 15 years ago and haven't seen in about 12 years. We got in touch on Facebook and exchanged one catch-up email, said oh we must meet up, never did. And a few months ago she invited me to her wedding.

I accepted to be polite and because I thought it'd be nice to see her. But now it's the actual day I really don't want to go!

My reasons are:

It's really fucking hot today and I don't want to sit on public transport for over an hour, in rush hour.
My asthma gets worse in hot weather. I'm already anxious about this.
The wedding is way up in north London and I live in deepest south.
Am wondering if I was invited to make up numbers?
No one gets to chat to people at their own wedding, do they? I'll say five words to her and that'll be it.
I won't know a single person there except her
It's at a house not a venue, so they won't have catered a meal for me or anything
Would you even notice if an acquaintance didn't show up for your wedding reception?

Should i go? Think it's pretty obvious I'm looking for reasons not to...

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 19:16:05


MintyChops Sat 03-Aug-13 16:50:03

Well Seraphim, she may be one of those posters that didn't like it when people on AIBU actually said yes, YABU!!! I doubt we'll hear from her (or she went, she scored and she hasn't made it home yet).....

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 15:07:12

She's not going to tell us, is she Minty sad

mameulah Sat 03-Aug-13 10:47:33

You haven't seen her in twelve years. Do what feck said then don't go and don't worry about it. But don't expect to maintain your friendship.

MintyChops Sat 03-Aug-13 10:42:20

Yes, come on OP, what did you do?

SweetSeraphim Fri 02-Aug-13 16:17:41

So, did you go, OP? And if not, did you let her know?

theodorakisses Fri 02-Aug-13 07:38:22

The person concerned isn't a close friend, she hasn't even seen her for years. Yes I do think life is too short, why torture yourself? Would someone you haven't seen for 12 years be a priority at your wedding? And, seriously, a Facebook invite? Is that even valid?

SweetSeraphim Thu 01-Aug-13 22:27:40

Sorry, but I agree with the posters that said you were just looking for excuses not to go because you couldn't be arsed. In fact you said it yourself. I think if it wasn't a close enough friend, then you shouldn't have accepted the invitation in the first place - but to do so and not go is really rude. There were friends of mine that didn't turn up to my wedding, and my 40th birthday party that I have never forgiven - and that's not because I'm all precious about it, it's just horribly bad manners.

digerd Thu 01-Aug-13 20:07:50

I have asthma and today has been terrible - the worst this summer. I live just north of London. It is 29.5 and very humid - suffocating still.

Hope you are OK OP

attheendoftheday Thu 01-Aug-13 19:41:02

I think it is rude to not go to something you've said you'd attend without a pretty good reason. The other side of london is hardly the outer hebrides.

Bowlersarm Thu 01-Aug-13 19:36:51

I cannot believe people think it's ok to just not turn up at a wedding.

How rude and inconsiderate.

I, hope, in general, people are not as 'me, me, me' in RL.

If you accept an invitation, then you go unless something serious crops up. Not because you can't be arsed.

I feel very sad for this lovely person who invited you, OP.

Angloamerican Thu 01-Aug-13 19:27:29

You think it's ok to skip out on a wedding that you RSVP'd to in order to have a nice takeaway? Some friend you are!

theodorakisses Thu 01-Aug-13 17:55:42

Don't go. They will not notice, send a message explaining why and a nice gift. The risk is it may have been a really enjoyable experience that you miss, on the other hand, you can have a brilliant bonus time at home and savour every second of not going. If you do that, push the boat out and order whatever takeaway you fancy, snuggle up on the sofa and be lovely to your family. Life is too short to not have those bonus moments. We recently were dreading an extremely formal dinner, they cancelled that afternoon and we donned pjs and had a lush waste day.

expatinscotland Thu 01-Aug-13 17:49:44

But I'd not go to any evening do.

expatinscotland Thu 01-Aug-13 17:47:45

For an evening do? Just don't go.

PomBearArmy Thu 01-Aug-13 17:45:44

I don't blame you one bit OP. I don't have asthma and I thought I was going to collapse negotiating public transport today, the buses were horrendous, I felt like I lost a stone in sweat.

And it's not like you're a close friend, not if you were casually invited by Facebook!

I hope you enjoyed your day in the garden smile

wonderingsoul Thu 01-Aug-13 17:41:44

one of my "best" friends didnt turn up to my wedding because she didnt have anythign to wear... that put a burner on our friendship and still piss's me off even though im divorced now.

that sai di do think you should attmep tto go, even just to show your face. but i dont think she'll be upset..seeing as you havnt seen her for a while but i do think it will prevent you from meeting up in the future.

so its up to you? do you want a relationship with her.

BeCool Thu 01-Aug-13 17:32:51

Isn't it ironic the OP accepted the FB wedding invite "to be polite"?

wokeupwithasmile Thu 01-Aug-13 17:13:26

People with asthma should check the weather forecast on Mondays so that they know whether they can go out on Thursdays. This week it was spot on.

hatsybatsy Thu 01-Aug-13 16:50:12

becool - no one thinks the bride is sobbing into her bubbly. people just think that it's common decency to follow through when you say you'll do something.

ds was invited to a classmate's party a while back. come the day itself it was roasting hot and a lot of people ducked out of the party and skipped off to the beach. cue one little girl with 10 people rather than 20 at her party. lots of uneaten food and wasted party bags. It's rude. I made ds go and we compromised with a swim afterwards.

if op wasn't bothered about renewing this friendship why did she say yes in the first place?

Emilythornesbff Thu 01-Aug-13 16:26:29

How were you to know that it might be hot in August? Or that you'd need to take public transport?
I understand why you cba. I can barely face clearing the toys up from the garden befor kids' bath time. But this is your friend's wedding reception.
You are very likely to be missed. They will have catered for you in some way, no mattwhat hat you say they won't and it's rude to just not go.
Maybe txt or call a bridesmaid or someone in the wedding party with an excuse.

And hope you aren't recognised from your op grin

BeCool Thu 01-Aug-13 16:24:07

keep in mind the only contact the OP has with the bride for the last TWELVE years is via FB. And the wedding invite was via a FB group invite.
I just can't see that a no show would be a big deal. it sounds very informal to me.

If I invited someone I worked with 15 years ago, and had no ongoing relationship outside of FB to anything, I doubt I would register if they were there or not. I very much doubt the bride is sobbing into her bubbly wondering where DancingLady from FB is!

Angloamerican Thu 01-Aug-13 15:46:38

I'm with those who think you should go. It's very rude to skip out in someone's wedding because you can't be bothered to go. It's hot, yes, but you're not planning on walking, are you? I would be be very upset if someone bailed on my wedding day without a very good reason. I don't think your asthma is such a reason, in afraid. It's not a housewarming, it's a wedding. Make the effort. You'll be glad you did!

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 01-Aug-13 13:47:17

exactly tarka and who is

op literally cant be arsed to go - she says in her first post

Should I go? Think it's pretty obvious I'm looking for reasons not to...

she isnt ill - she has a medical condition that 1000's of people have, including my oh

who is at this moment sweating his bollocks off working outside as thats his job and has to-he cant say not working today as its hot - his clients would laugh and use someone else

if op feels her 'illness' is that bad that travelling would make it worse then she needs to see a doctor

its just an excuse

i really think its rude to cancel on the day for op's reasons- if she had S&D fair enough

hatsybatsy Thu 01-Aug-13 13:28:38

all these people saying OP is ill? She is not ill - she has asthma and is trying to use that as an excuse not to cross London. Because it's hot.

She CBA to go to this wedding - she shouldn't have accepted the invitation but she did. IMO that means she should go. As I said earlier, what if all this person's friends CBA and she is left with an empty church and then an empty house?

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