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To not let him go?

(167 Posts)
Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:45:21

My sister wanted to take 5 year old ds camping with her husband in in a couple of weeks. She had the idea that as they are going for a week, ds could go with them for the first two nights while dp and I had a mini break somewhere closeby and then picked ds up on the third day.

At first I was a bit unsure as he's so young and hasn't been camping yet, although I'm sure he'd be well looked after. I also wasn't too sure what we actually wanted to do ourselves this month with regard to holidays as we've not long got back from a week away and dp and I have a hotel booked at the end of the month too for my birthday.

I think that my sister has run away with the idea a bit as she'd started telling ds how at camping they'd go to the beach, he could help set up the tent, how many sleeps away it is etc and now ds is all excited, even though I hadn't actually said definitely yes.

I told my sister I'd discuss it with dp as it would depend on him as he'd be doing the drive down there (3 hours) as I won't drive on motorway by myself.

Anyway here's where it gets a bit complicated, I spoke to dp about it last night and basically, he checked his work planner and he's on call the week that they're going camping so won't be available to drive us down there or for us to have a mini break, but he's only on call because his boss asked him to swap the week. He is also going to a beer festival the first night of the camping trip and his boss is letting him have the first night off call for a favour as dp swapped.

Potentially dp could say he can't now swap but, he doesn't want to upset his boss as he could lose favours in the future, he's getting the first night off call to go to beer festival which also then kills two birds with regards to free weekends for us, and, the opportunity has now come up of us getting a free holiday flat for the followng weekend, so if dp swaps his week back, we won't be able to do that.

Hope that all makes sense. So I suppose potentially ds could still go camping but it would mean I'd just be at home on my own all weekend, then we'd have a 3 hour drive just to pick him up and miss the opportunity of a free weekend away as a family the following week.

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:53:11

bunch of wierdos still making me laugh every time I see it

mikulkin Sat 03-Aug-13 12:42:59

Sorry you are getting some strange advices.
If you don't feel comfortable driving on motorway then you shouldn't be doing it of course especially with DS in the car.

People are different - I would defo have driven 10 hours for my DS to have fun. I know he wouldn't be scarred or anything not to go on trip but I also know he would enjoy it tremendously and even though he may do it another time, still the chance is here and now. I don't say you are wrong and I am right, different choices.

The only thing which I want to say is that it seems like you have made up your mind and posted a thread just to get support, not opinions. Every time smb would come with some reasonable suggestion (like trying to find cheaper train tickets, or driving around motorway etc) you would just again explain your position. Why ask for advise then? I was reading a thread and thought, oh, ok her dp had better car, she can borrow it from him and make 10 hr drive for her DS, but then I knew if I suggest this you would find some explanation why you can't do it.

So my general plea for people who have made up their mind before posting a thread just not post it.
I don't post many threads myself and when I do, I usually really look for advice..

Emilythornesbff Fri 02-Aug-13 10:34:59

grin * itsallaboutyoubaby* @ "bunch of weirdos"

imnotmymum Fri 02-Aug-13 10:15:32

Bunch of wierdos grin itsallaboutyou

WestieMamma Fri 02-Aug-13 09:40:52

Is there any particular reason why your son needs picking up part way through the holiday? Can he not just stay for the week and come back with your sister?

Rooners Fri 02-Aug-13 09:14:55

Beauty, please don't be too upset. This is what sometimes happens on MN. You start a perfectly innocent thread asking a simple-ish question and it gets turned into a massive, massive argument - it isn't your fault, you didn't phrase it wrong or anything.

People kind of jump on and use it as a vehicle for their own issues.

I'd step away now, you have stood well against the onslaught and tbh it's nothing to do with you now - I mean that in a good way, not telling you to leave! It's become about everyone else's issues and I am really sorry it went that way.

Sometimes I wonder if MN is pretty flawed in that sense, it has happened to my own threads SOOOO many times.

fluffyraggies Fri 02-Aug-13 09:06:51

Morning OP grin

I'm sorry this thread has been such hard work. It goes like that sometimes in AIBU.

Frankly i wouldn't drive more than an hour each way to take one of my DCs on a two night stay somewhere. Unless it was some amazing once in a lifetime opportunity. Which this isn't.

Let alone 10 hour round trip.

I imagine there are many more people reading this thread than posting on it who would not consider for one moment doing a 10 hour round trip for that.

froubylou Fri 02-Aug-13 08:08:25

Well I have been driving 14 years. Did every motorway in the country as part of my job just after passing my test in a wreck of a metro.

I have a DD aged 9 and haven't driven on a motorway since having her.

It's not that I don't trust my driving. It's every one else I don't trust. If someone does something stupid stupid at 40mph chances are I getting out of the car battered andbrbruised but in one piece. At 70 mph with 3 or more lanes of traffic chances start reducing.

No one should be made to feel bad for not wanting to drive on motor ways. It's a personal choice and usuallyhhas valid reasons behind it.

And someone who is nervous or under pressure is more likely to make a mistake putting everyone else at risk.

Fallout1977 Fri 02-Aug-13 07:58:24

Regardless of whether the motorway driving is a problem or not you really need to address the issue anyway. We all need to drive on the motorway at some point so its important that you feel confident so you are as safe as you can be. I was scared of motorway driving but i had to get over it so i could pick up my DH when he was on a course halfway across the country. I got hopelessly lost, my satnav packed in and my phone battery ran out and I didn't have a charger but I got there (2 hours late & with 3 grumpy kids, 1 of whom was terribly car sick) but the sense of achievement was fantastic and now I enjoy bombing it up the motorway and can visit my mum whenever I want. My advice is: get hubby to take you on the motorway and get some experience, it's honestly really easy and you can go at your own pace. Don't forget to keep your mobile fully charged (I now have an in-car charger)
Good luck.

PorridgeBrain Fri 02-Aug-13 07:53:50

I would double check with your dSIS that there is definitely no train option and if not say to sis and ds unfortunately its not possible this time but you can hopefully plan for it to happen next time they go.

Beautyatethebeast Fri 02-Aug-13 07:37:03

Wow, just wow.

I left this thread because it went absolutely ridiculous. And I'm sick of answering the same questions and explaining myself over and over.

For what its worth I've spoken to dsis who AGREES it would be ridiculous for me or dp to make that journey in one day to pick him up. She also doesn't want to be driving an hour to pick me up from translations or meeting me off motorway junctions and certainly doesn't expect me to be paying £££ for train journeys either.

The whole idea was so that ds could have some fun while dp and I had a child free break.

Ds isn't even bothered anyway not shattered with disappointment like some people made out.

And as for saying because I don't like motorways I shouldn't be on the roads you're decking mental, sorry but you are. I've been driving in a busy city for 12 years with never an accident, I have 100% no claims bonus and I am totally confident. Motorway driving is a totally different kettle of fish hence why there is pass plus. And by the way I HAVE driven on a motorway with dp in the car and once on my own to bring new car home. And I had no accidents. But I don't enjoy it and it frightens me, I don't need to explain myself why.

I wish I didn't start the thread or I wish I'd just asked family hol vs camping trip, but because I tried to explain the why's of it some people have chosen to rip everything I've said apart.

itsallaboutyoubaby Thu 01-Aug-13 22:18:32

WTAF is going on with this thread?

Some of you are almost gaslighting the OP! She's not kicking up a fuss or being difficult or anything else, she's just going through her options.

You're making out like she's having a nervous breakdown over it, you bunch of weirdos.

rainbowbrite1980 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:05:56

oh, bollocks Curlywurly - there are many drivers who arie incompetent because they are cocky and reckless.

rainbowbrite1980 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:02:13

I have a real fear of motorways, don't go on them as a passenger if I can avoid it, and even if I could drive I would never in a million years drive on one, I honestly wouldn't be safe - but DH manages to find a way of going anywhere without the motorway - we drove from Kent to North Wales without going on a motorway! You'll be able to pick your son up without a motorway, trust me - it will be accesssible by some kind of public transport.

I'd let him go, he'll be so disappointed if you don't. If you weren't going to let him you shiould have said so right away and stopped your sister building it up into something exciting.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Thu 01-Aug-13 20:16:08

How very dare you CurlyWurly. I am chuckling to myself , I very rarely NEED to drive on the motorway, therefore I very rarely do. Does that make me incompetent , I recently drove to Scotland, 10 hr trip. I didn't enjoy it but did it perfectly safely. Does ones enjoyment = competence.

Twooter Thu 01-Aug-13 19:40:36

He's 5. He'll get over it, no big deal. I drive on motorways and I would feel annoyed at being expected to drive that 2 days. Chances are he'd rather be at home with his mum anyway.

dontcallmehon Thu 01-Aug-13 18:38:28

I've been driving a year and have grown in confidence, but still sometimes get nervous in unfamiliar situations. I'd better surrender my driving licence and tell the DVLA that they were actually wrong to judge me safe to drive, because sometimes I get a little bit nervous.hmm

GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 01-Aug-13 18:34:56

Bollocks Curlywurly. Im not competent but I am safe. I don't drive anywhere I don't know. Id never just get in the car and make a trip using the satnav or road signs.

Im VERY unlikely to crash because Im the exact opposite of reckless. Im super careful all the time and never take risks because I don't trust myself.

BTW I passed both the theory and practical both times, but after 2 years of having 4 hours of lessons a week.

ChippingInHopHopHop Thu 01-Aug-13 18:34:04

I don't really understand why people don't like driving on motorways (except people like TheBody who have had a really bad experience) - to me they are the 'easy' part of driving... but I think it's completely ridiculous that people say if you wont drive on a motorway you shouldn't be driving at all. There is no logic in that at all. Live & let live - and frankly, to that end, if people aren't happy to drive on the motorway they shouldn't be pushed into it, that is dangerous.

ChippingInHopHopHop Thu 01-Aug-13 18:30:27

winewinewine & more wine

Sometimes one has to wonder if they're posting in a foreign language doesn't one grin

There's no way I'd be driving 3hrs (let alone 5) in each direction to collect my DS from a camping trip he can do anytime. It's not a one off opportunity!

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:30:24

Actually that would be, me NOT driving on a motorway. I don't see why I shouldn't drive on other roads just because I hate motorways.

You haven't explained this.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:29:05

Would you like some more examples though? I can go on, quite a bit, if you like smile

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:28:14

Yes they are. Well, as much as me driving on a motorway is.

Thecurlywurlymum Thu 01-Aug-13 18:27:15

Neither of the examples you gave are likely to endanger anyone else's life.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:24:14

Or anyone who is scared to climb mountains shouldn't be allowed up a hill.

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