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To have told my sister not to leave her baby behind when she goes on her honeymoon?

(230 Posts)
Callmecordelia Wed 31-Jul-13 14:00:57

My nephew is nearly 3 months old, and is a delightful, thriving baby. I get on well with my sister, and she is a great Mum.

She is getting married next year when DN will be about 15 months. We are all helping out with jobs to keep wedding costs down.

Last week, dsis announced she had found dream honeymoon to Bali, and my DPs and the baby's other grandparents would share childcare for two weeks. The two sets of grandparents live about four hours apart, with sister living roughly midway. My parents reacted with fairly understated horror. I told her she was unreasonable, and should modify her expectations. Thought she would see sense, although the face she pulled at the idea of Mark Warner made me think she hadn't listened.

Spoke again this morning. Now the idea seems to be Turkey for a week, leaving baby behind still. This time I was not so polite. I told her that she was being completely unreasonable, the separation anxiety would be awful and she could not leave her child behind. That our parents are exhausted by 2 days with my toddler, who they know very well, and had she considered she would miss her baby?

She was crying when we rang off. I feel bad for raining on her parade.


LaurieFairyCake Wed 31-Jul-13 14:02:53

Butt out, you sound dreadful.

The kid will be 15 months old, plenty old enough to go to granny and grandpa for a week.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 31-Jul-13 14:03:40

If they want the kid obviously, they shouldn't feel obliged.

kinkyfuckery Wed 31-Jul-13 14:03:47

If all sets of childcare are happy and willing to do what she's asked, YABU. None of your business, butt out!

BenedictCumberbitch Wed 31-Jul-13 14:03:50

to be was a little U.

She's obviously thought about how she/DS would feel and has made a decision so you do sound as if you're ignoring that and implying she doesn't care etc.

Two weeks is a bit long for a young toddler but 1 week is fine surely? Plenty of parents go away on business for just as long...

YouStayClassySanDiego Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:03

Yes you were unreasonable, it's between your dsis and the Grand parents to sort out..

Waferthinmint Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ceeveebee Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:07

YABU - its not really for you to tell your sister what she should do.
At 15 months old I don't think a week away, staying with grandparents, would do any harm whatsoever

BenedictCumberbitch Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:19

tbh, unless your parents are against it then it's none of your business...

KnickersOnOnesHead Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:46

I think you are sticking your nose in where it is definitely not wanted. Surely grandparents have tongues of their own?!

maddy68 Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:48

I think you are being unreasonable. Why do you think there will be separation anxiety ? This has nothing to do with you at all
If the parents are happy to leave the child and the grandparents are happy to have him then wtf has it got o do with anyone else?

RedHelenB Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:57

But it's ok for them to have your toddler? If your dps don't want to do it then it is up to them to say so or maybe you could volunteer to help out a bit?

Trills Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:58


Not everyone gets "separation anxiety". Not everyone feels the way you do about spending time apart from their children.

You say she is a great mum, but what you have said to her is "You are a bad person to want to spend time away from your child".

If your parents do not want to look after a toddler for a week then it is up to them to say so.

5madthings Wed 31-Jul-13 14:05:21


It is her and her dp's choice, did you have a go at him for wanting to leave the baby at home? Its not just her baby or just her choice.

If the grandparents are happy with providing childcare its find, if they are not happy to provide childcare then they need to say so.

YouStayClassySanDiego Wed 31-Jul-13 14:05:24

Why did you feel the need to interfere, did your Parents ask you to?

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 31-Jul-13 14:05:43

So because you want free childcare for your toddler, you make your sister cry?

What a lovely sister you are.

fedupwithdeployment Wed 31-Jul-13 14:05:57

I don't think YABU.

A week away from a 15mo may be reasonable - but not if it hasn't been discussed and agreed with those who are doing the caring!

My DB and his wife had a smal baby when they got married - they left the baby with her parents for 2 nights while they went to a local hotel. That was agreed and worked ok.

Minshu Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:02

It's not really your argument to have. It sounds like she has decided that the grand parents will babysit rather than them offering, so SIBU, but you should only defend their right to not be forced into it if they ask you. If that makes sense...

Cherriesarelovely Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:18

I consider myself quite protective but I think yabvu. Personally I wouldn't take a 2 week holiday away from my Dd when she was that age but people do and it's ok.A weeks holiday though.....for a honeymoon? No problem.

LemonBreeland Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:38

I think you were wrong to get involved, unless the GPs really don't want to do it.

That is not to say I don't agree with you. We made the mistake of not taking 21 month old DS1 with us on honeymoon and I was miserable the whole time. DS was fine as he was with my Mum and DB who he knew very well, although he was a little confused when we came back, so still slightly traumatic for him I think.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:44

Umm the baby will be 15 months an will have changed alot in that time- if he maintains a regular relationship with both sets of gps til them there is no reason he would be upset about staying with them for a week.

I lived with my parents til ds was 4 months old and he stayed most weekends once we moved out- he would have been completly fine staying with them for a week at that age. Ds2 has also stayed for 5 days with them aged 2. It was no problem

ceeveebee Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:46

I am really hoping this is a reverse AIBU

nenevomito Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:46

You are being totally U and rather mean as well.

You really made your sister cry just because you don't agree with her? A 15mo will be absolutely fine while she's away, epsecially staying with family who know and love them.

I'm just gobsmacked that you think behaving like that is OK.

I think you should call her and apologise.

Sheesh. Just yuck.

BenedictCumberbitch Wed 31-Jul-13 14:06:58

^ trills articulated that much better. I agree.

I'd have jumped at the chance of a week off, after my wedding (if i'd had one) at that stage of motherhood and I can safely say that I love DS to bits. But I know he's a secure toddler & he knows my parents very well so wouldn't be with strangers or in an unfamiliar place.

I'd have taken your comments quite personally...

squoosh Wed 31-Jul-13 14:07:38

It's one thing the grandparents not wanting to look after him for a week, fair enough they may not feel up to it and they shouldn't feel obliged, but it's a different thing entirely you telling her it would be wrong of her to leave her baby. It's only a week. Mind your own business.

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