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To consider not going to my big sister's wedding?

(87 Posts)
ClaireMammaBear Mon 29-Jul-13 23:31:17

I would love a bit of impartial advice on this one. My sister is getting married on 26th October and my due date is 30th September. I am really stressing myself out thinking about whether or not I will be able to attend the wedding, we live in Bedfordshire and the wedding is in Edinburgh so a very long drive/ train journey with a newborn and still recovering from labour, especially if little one is late. I definitely do not want to leave him with someone when he is that young. Loads of family members have told me it will be OK and they can travel that young but it sounds like a nightmare! They have also said not to make any decision until baby is born so I can see how I feel about it but I would rather tell her sooner rather than later so we don't waste her money and so we can cancel the hotel. To add to it my sister has also fallen out with my Dad and has asked him not to attend the wedding, I am still close to my Dad so I am worried that she will think I am siding which is absolutely not the case.

Its my sisters wedding and I would love to go but at the end of the day baby has to come first now so I am thinking it might be best to sit it out. AIBU?

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Jul-13 00:11:36

My thoughts are the same as poster saggy.

i have to travel to shakespeare country from edinburgh its about 6 hours in a car sometimes longer. i have 4 children its easier when they are tiny babies, all they do is sleep through the journey. No moaning mostly no worries about vomiting although one of my babies has severe nausea, i don't think that's common though. No worries about pee accidents in car, fighting siblings etc. if you breastfeed express milk for journey and when you have a service stop breast feed in car or some services do have rooms for feeding and changing. Otherwise bottle of milk is easy just arm ache hanging over the feed the baby but they don't have much when they're tiny so your arm won't fall off from the ache. The main headache is being prepared pack baby flask for bottles get refilled in services they're very good with that. Nappies, tissues, wet wipes, carrier bags for rubbish and dirty clothes, change of clothes to hand in case baby is severely sick.

I never used to get travel sick but 6 -7 hours in a stuffy car no matter how luxury the car is made me sick. I take tablets now before this long journey and carrier bags in case I'm sick forget the kids lol

Supposing you have a straight forward birth no complications in a month you will be good to go. Tired yes but you sleep let partner drive, that's wht i did.

I think i would regret not being at my big sis wedding I'm sure you will too say you will go unless you are late delivering or there are complications which require a c section.

I wish you all the best with your labour, i hope it is a simple delivery smile

littleoaktree Tue 30-Jul-13 00:15:30

Both my dc were 1-2 wks early, I had easy labours and quick recovery - I would definitely go and would be v upset if my dsis hadn't made my wedding in those circs or if I hadn't made the effort to go to hers in those circs. However as others have said you don't know how you'll feel so I would decide after the birth.

Also I would plan to drive so you can easily take all the stuff with you and I would plan to break the journey up/back eg in York. That way you could do it in pretty easy 3ish hour sections with a couple of stops in that time. Then if your dc doesn't sleep well/you're uncomfortable you'll have only quite a short time in the car. Honestly it won't be as bad as you fear smile

GeordieCherry Tue 30-Jul-13 00:47:26

Don't stress yourself out with making yourself decide now. Talk to her & see if she has a cut off for definitely knowing & decide then

It's totally doable if the ifs are right & most importantly you feel up to it

We went to a wedding with 2 week old DD but as it was only an hour away we decided on the day (agreed with the bride & groom!). She got to meet lots of people all in one go so it saved us some visiting later on smile

BackforGood Tue 30-Jul-13 00:58:50

Just let her know there's a real likelihood you won't be able to make it, and ask her how late you can let her know without letting her down 'at the last minute'. If anyone tries to push you into committing, then let them know that the answer in that case will have to be no.

Reiltin Tue 30-Jul-13 01:03:25

I'd plan to go. We did two weddings in baby's first month, one of which was a weekend away. Really got us used to getting out and about!

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Tue 30-Jul-13 01:03:33

I think it is fine to wait and see how it goes. Tell her you are planning to go but can't promise it. Her caterers may allow a little flexibility. I would double check you can, if need be, cancel the hotel at a later date. If not cancel it now and rebook one where you can cancel up until the day before (if this is practical / possible).
I drove myself about 150 miles with a 2 week old, a one year old and a three year old and it was easy. However, there have been times when just taking them to the local park was hellish! You just cant tell.
I generally felt ok after my births and was up and about but tired.
I wouldn't worry about it and see what happens.

Hope it all brilliantly thanks

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Tue 30-Jul-13 01:04:45

...oops missed out 'goes'

Hope it all goes brilliantly blush

Sunnysummer Tue 30-Jul-13 01:19:58

Can you be really enthusiastic about it for now, and then if you do have to cancel it, your family will understand that it's just circumstances getting in the way.

Like people say, you really have no idea how you will feel until afterwards, and it may be sad for family relationships not to attend.

MrsKoala Tue 30-Jul-13 01:23:21

As others have said wait and see. Then if you are late/have a rough time she can see that it really isn't you siding with your dad. Tell her you really want to be there but make sure she understands sometimes it can't be helped.

You just can't predict. I was in an NCT group of 7 first time pregnant women last year. One was 4 weeks early (mum and baby fine), so would have been easy to go. 5 others all had babies around due date (give or take 5 days) 2 were fine, 1 had a blood transfusion and lots of stitches and 2 had emergency C-sections where one had to stay in hospital with infections for 8 days. And 1 poor fucker was 2wks late, 3 day labour, forceps, tearing, stitches, double incontinence and was in hospital for 5 days.

I would say out of the 7 of us, 4 would have been fine to go and 3 wouldn't. So based on my totally unscientific research you should be fine smile

CocacolaMum Tue 30-Jul-13 01:35:56

Speak to her. In these situations, communication is key. From your sister POV though I am surprised that she hasn't addressed this with you - its common sense that Bedfordshire to Edinburgh is a hell of a trip having just given birth.

WafflyVersatile Tue 30-Jul-13 01:40:53

Another wait and see.

Plenty of people do travel with a very young baby.

NapaCab Tue 30-Jul-13 01:47:41

We traveled from Edinburgh to London when DS was 5 weeks old so it's possible but in your case of course, you don't know yet when you'll deliver and how the delivery will be / how your baby will be. We took a Virgin train first-class from Glasgow to London, driving from Edinburgh to Glasgow first, and it was pretty comfortable.

It depends on how important it is to your sister for you to be there. If she really wants you to be there, you should make the effort as she is your sister after all but if she has said she's OK either way then don't put yourself out. Make sure you send her a nice gift and card instead!

Primadiva Tue 30-Jul-13 01:54:18

I had very different labours (DS1 a week early, long labour; DS2 2 weeks late, easy peeeeeasy quick labour) but pretty hard recoveries with both (4th and 3rd degree tears respectively) but neither were enough to have stopped me seeing my sister get married. Even with nowhere special to be we went on pretty long journeys after both boys to take advantage of paternity leave (and stop us going stir-crazy)! I totally agree newborns are easy to travel with but I also know my sisters would understand if I said I had to wait to see how things go. Yours and your baby's well-being are your priority and you don't need any added pressure so explain you'll do your absolute best but that it's out of your hands to commit.

You also need to consider practicalities - I got pretty bad mastitis this time (DS2 only 16 weeks old so still pretty fresh) and I wouldn't have fancied bfing through it on a train (!) so, as with all things newborn, planning ahead is probably key wink Your sister is no doubt as concerned about the arrangements as you are and of her wedding causing you additional worries. Talk to your sister, enjoy the end of your pregnancy and, all being well, showing off your beautiful month-old bundle while watching your sister walk down the aisle. Good luck! xxxxx

CoolaSchmoola Tue 30-Jul-13 01:55:15

Babies of that age are hugely portable and often far easier to travel with than an older children.

My DD was born on 30th September, and we (we meaning me and DD) flew home to Germany on the 21st October. Two hours to the airport, three hours in the airport, two hours on the plane, forty minutes in the airport, an hour in the car and she was absolutely brilliant. A month later we drove seven hours to the ferry, twelve hours sailing, four hour drive and again she was fab. We travelled all over the place during her first year, due to being an Army family based overseas and it was always totally fine.

She's now a toddler, and it is SO much harder.

I also had a ridiculous amount of stitches, but after three weeks they were fine.

If you want to go your LO will travel fine.

She's now

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Tue 30-Jul-13 01:56:00

I did this, DS1 was born three weeks before my sister's wedding by c-section and a week past his due date. I had an infection, was sent back to hospital for an extra week two days after baby and I were first discharged and my sister lives an hours flight away. We still went, as it meant so much to me to be there if I possibly could.

The likelihood is it could difficult for you, baby will be fine. It was hard and my memories of the day are a blur but I am glad I went. I strongly recommend you fly if possible.

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Jul-13 02:16:08

Flying is more hassle in my opinion. the baby won't be a problem since he/ she isn't mobile. you pay for separate seat or hold the baby. since its a newborn a separate seat would be better, so thats another charge.but in terms of time its a bit less than a car journey. add on the time to travel to the airport, Plus 2 hours early for checkout.Then lots of waiting around standing dragging luggage, hassle of getting in with the baby just settle down sigh of relief sipping into tea plane up down, announcement we are Landing already. I found it more stressful.

But you could try it you may like it we are all different.

littlewhitebag Tue 30-Jul-13 06:37:44

I took DD2 to a wedding when she was a few days old. It was absolutely lovely and she was a complete star. DD1 wasn't even 2 so we had our hands full but there were plenty of people around to amuse her. It is your sister. I think I would try and make the effort. Traveling with a small baby is so easy.

Oriunda Tue 30-Jul-13 07:27:51

The train journey from London-Edinburgh is only 4.5hrs and is actually very pleasant and relaxing, even in standard class. Your seats are prebooked and you can even buy baby a ticket (they travel free but it worked out cheaper to buy our DS a ticket rather than just us 2) so you have an extra seat for space. If you book in advance, first class is really worth it as you get free tea/coffee etc and the seats are very comfortable. You could pick up the train in Peterborough if that made more sense than coming down to London.

I wouldn't fly personally, as stated above too much hassle.

londonrach Tue 30-Jul-13 07:34:10

My sister was due to give birth a week before my wedding. I completely understand she might not be there. It's only a wedding and my husband and I wanted a marriage. As it turned out baby was born 4 days before and my amazing sister against medical advice turned up for the service only which is the bit that matters. I have one precious picture of her outside the church. As we took loads of pictures of the venue she says she felt like she was there. See how you feel nearer the time and good luck with the birth. X

StayAwayFromTheEdge Tue 30-Jul-13 07:43:02

I would do it - we've travelled with DS1 to Scotland when he was a month old, and took DS2 to France at 6 weeks and camping at around 10 weeks. They are far easier at this age than when they a toddlers.

FirstStopCafe Tue 30-Jul-13 08:17:35

I was invited to a wedding a fair drive away a month after my due date. Bride was really accommodating and said I didn't need to confirm attendance until 3 days before when final numbers were given to venue
Could your sister do this?

I really wanted to go but ended up with an emergency csection 3 weeks before the wedding and wasn't recovered enough to make the journey sadly

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 08:25:46

assuming everything goes ok and its a normal birth, I dont see why you wouldnt be able to go?

FullOfChoc Tue 30-Jul-13 08:27:36

I couldn't have gone with my dc1. She screamed the whole time we went anywhere in the car. The train might have been a possibility but 1 mth in I was still in a state of shell shock.

I agree wait and see if you can.

bluestar2 Tue 30-Jul-13 08:29:22

There will be no probs with little one. Far easier as a newborn than toddler so really it's down to how you feel and how you hve recovered. I would plan to go but make sure sis knows it may not happen.

newbiefrugalgal Tue 30-Jul-13 08:32:42

Personally ask to closer to the time.
You can cancel some hotels with 24 hours notice, check yours.
She will be upset if you cancel too early, after the baby arrives you will know how you feel. You would hate to be home that weekend twiddling your thumbs with a baby that just feeds and sleeps (?)!)
Keep your dad out of it.
You will get so much attention at the wedding and might enjoy the break from routine.

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