holiday money nightmare

[Maggieshack]

I have just been on holiday with two couples without children and me my husband and two children in a villa to say it cost a fortune is a understatement everything from shampoo, hairbrush, soap ect that both couples forgot to bring to food that my family do not eat was split eight ways even the beer was included, when we went out for meals they waited to see how much we were putting in before they coughed up there share as my husband cannot do with the penny pinching he would put in half the bill even if my kids just had a main course and a drink and the others had starters and copious amount of alcohol, expecting that someone would notice and say you have paid too much, not a chance so in the end we started eating out alone. One of the party even said that my ten year old ate like a man because he had two beefburgers for dinner one day, looking back we should have set ground rules but these are friends i have known for years or so i thought. I am hoping i can forget about it but five days after coming back i feel more angry than ever.

[NotYoMomma]

well could you habe not addressed it after day 1 rather than sit and stew about it?

and if they forgot about their toiletries I would tell them where the shop was at the very MOST

[purplewithred]

Ground rules are essential for shared holidays but unfortunately it's hard to tell what you need to agree until after the event. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

[TheGinLushMinion]

Should have opened your mouth after the first occurrence of this shit & nipped it in the bud.

[MCos]

That was tough. Would annoy me no end also..
All you can do really is determine what you could do differently next time.

It is was me, I think I'd say - oh, we are family of four. We'll take our own bills separately. That way, you get to shop for yourselves (probably slightly higher bill, excluding toiletries! But lower restaurant bills (less alcohol!))

If agreed up front at start of holiday, shouldn't cause a problem. Assuming you want to go on holidays with friends again!

[yummumto3girls]

How old are your children? Splitting 8 ways seems very harsh and I certainly would not have stumped up for their toiletries. Did the cost of the villa get split 8 ways too before you went? Could have been a sign of what was to come. Would have annoyed me no end too, it's such a shame because it has now left a bad feeling between you all. Put it down to experience.

[mummymeister]

hmm - friends are like fresh fish. don't keep them in the house more than 3 days or they will go off!! I have heard of this happening so many times - you are friends with someone for years, you go away and then that's it, you cant bear them. whether its the bed time discrepancy between kids, OH that don't get on, children that fight, routines that get on your nerves, sponging, I could go on. why oh why do people do it. if you want a holiday go away by yourselves and meet some nice people then come home again. don't try to take them with you. You should have said something at the time, you didn't so move on and decide whether you can still be friends or not. and don't go on holiday with others again. it never ends well ime

[jammiedonut]

Reminds me of a holiday I took in my teens. I'd always been proud of how far I could make my modest holiday allowance go (away from parents I could survive on vodka and watermelon for two weeks ), until I went away with bf who insisted on a 'kitty' for meals and ate her weight in junk everyday, costing me around 4 times as much as I'd usually pay out. It was awkward to bring it up at the time as I wanted to enjoy the holiday, but ten years on it still winds me up, and I never do the shared pot of money when going away with friends. I might look tight but if I was away on my own I wouldn't have to fork out for anyone else's food/drink so why should you subsidise their holiday?

[heidihole]

Why would you let beer be split 8 ways?!

[raisah]

i was thinking of going away with friends next year so am reading this thread with interest. I have come to the conclusion that we will go to the same place but not share accommodation. Hopefully the friendship will last a bit longer as we will all have our own space to relax but we can do shared things as well.

With regards to food, asking for your own family meals to be put on a separate bill when ordering is best. That way it is clear to everyone from the beginning & hopefully will avoid resentment.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

So your 'friends' got a dirt cheap holiday at the expense of your family.

It's too late now and you should have insisted at the time on paying for you and yours and no one else's, why agree to splitting beers 8 ways??

You've been well trodden on , I presume you won't be holidaying with them again, some mates they are.

[wigglesrock]

raisah my parents in law and their friends do that. It's worked out really well for them.

[toffeelolly]

I would not class those people has friend's anymore. Would cut all ties with them.

[TheFuzz]

I wouldn't accept the beer bill or indeed food bill being split this way. Happens once then stop.

Both kids will most likely have cost less than half an adults bill. Take off cost of kids food and drink, then split the balance 6 ways.

Poor friends.

[freddiefrog]

Definately agree that ground rules are essential on shared family holidays. Finances all need to be addressed before you go

We've had a few years of sharing villas with friends and it's been really enjoyable and successful, but only because we had one like the OP's and we learned what not to do.

Friends you've known for years and are all very resonable and lovely when the most you've ever had to discuss is splitting the cost of a takeaway or whose round it is, can be a shock when you're away for a week and you're fed up with buying the bread and milk each day

[cushtie335]

There's not much you can do about it now OP. I haven't been on holiday with people like this, thankfully we've always set the ground rules at the beginning and made sure that everyone paid exactly what they should pay, but I have been taken aback when going out with my sister and her family and also my brother and his wife. They could all buy and sell us and they've sat there are let us pay the lion's share of the food and drink bill, just because my DH isn't a penny-pinching arsehole. Needless to we don't socialise with them any more.

[DowntonTrout]

After a similar holiday from hell last year, I think it likely we will never go on holiday with someone else again.

We have done it a few times with no problems but after a few ?600 meals out with expensive red wine that neither DH or I drink, their 2 boys ordering adult fillet steaks when our DD had ?6 kids meals, I recon we subsidised their holiday to the tune of hundreds of pounds.

When my adult DS and his girlfriend joined us in the last week I said we would be getting our own bills as I knew DS couldn't afford to split the bill when they were ordering said expensive wine. I thought this would solve the problem, but no, I was BU and we have not spoken since returning home. We weren't even sharing accomodation this time, although we have in the past. You live and learn.

[nkf]

I think this hey ho, let's just split it approach is for boom time and expense accounts (also goes with boom times only.) Went out for lunch with 24 family members the other day. Drinks bought at the and strict totting up of who had eaten what. Anything else is not on.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

DH keeps saying 'ah well we could go with xxx and xxx on this or that trip' I keep saying 'don't think so' he thinks i am joking, I tell him 'No am serious DH' I like my own space and no matter who or how well we get on I would find them getting on my nerves, I just don't do shared hols'

[nkf]

I love shared holidays, but they can go wrong.

[angelos02]

Why didn't you just say something at the time? Are they close friends? Very odd to be friends with someone and not be able to be honest with them. Even just jokingly saying, 'you taking the piss? I'm not paying all that!'.

[countrymummy13]

Yes, it sounds like you got the rum deal here.

You certainly shouldn't have let them get away with it. Some agreed ground rules before you left, or even on day 1 would have been the best option.

But now the moment has past you need to just let it go, for the sake of your own inner peace and your friendships. What's the other option? Start an argument and lose some friends?

Learn from the experience, don't be a carpet again and perhaps don't holiday with these people again.

[northernlurker]

It depends whether you can trust them or not. We holidayed with dh's parents, bil and sil AND other sil once. We had no issues at all. We took it in turns to shop and cook and had done a mega tesco shop beforehand to bring with us, that all had contributed to. Eating out we all did in separate couples etc.

[Oldraver]

I used to go out with a lovely couple and had a few holidays with them, only thing was they thought of themselves as 'one' when it came to sharing drinks rounds, cost me a fortune, till I said I would be buying my own

[Viviennemary]

I'd never go on a shared holiday with friends. A couple of days OK but any longer no. If things had got so bad after a day or two you could have said we'll just settle our own restaurant bill thank you. But I know it's easier said than done. But it's past now so just put it down to experience and avoid holidays with them in future.

[catsmother]

I can't believe the brass neck of people who behave like this. Quite obviously, prior you must have thought of them as very good friends in order to contemplate holidaying with them at all - and I very much doubt that if they'd shown previous tendencies towards meanness and taking advantage that you'd have agreed to go away. So why does everything fall apart once you're on hols ? What is it which suddenly turns people like that ?

I agree the best thing would have been to say something straight off and nip it in the bud but like you, I think I'd still be seething now and would find it very hard to remain friends at all after they'd blatantly used you for a cheap(er) holiday. Maybe, when alcohol's involved, and there are lots of you, the occasional meal might end up lopsided if a fair contribution isn't worked out properly but when it happens over and over again that's taking the piss. Any adult who thinks it reasonable that an alcohol bill is split 8 ways because there are 8 "people" at the table - even when 2 are children! - is a freeloading sh*t.