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to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

(415 Posts)
HDEE Sun 28-Jul-13 19:09:36

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more sad

3birthdaybunnies Sun 28-Jul-13 19:41:24

Do you have any contact details for parents in your 6yr old's class? I am fairly confident that under similar circumstances most other parents in my dd's school would help if they possibly could.

pantsjustpants Sun 28-Jul-13 19:41:49

I'm so sorry your baby is so poorly, praying he pulls through.

YANBU,but your sister is. Where are you and where is your home? I'm in north Hampshire and would help.

PaddyP00 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:41:58

Op I have no words of advice for you, but agree with others that your sister is being hideously unfair right now.

Massive hugs from me

Iwasagnome Sun 28-Jul-13 19:43:07

I could come and look after kids and I`m sure others could too.
Please say where you are
Good luck and very sorry about all this

monkeynuts123 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:43:29

She's a bitch. My sister dumped me in it when I really needed her and I have nothing more to do with her, I can't bring myself to even look at her. Forget your sister for now, just get yourselves through this time and deal with her when you have energy. Praying for your precious baby. x

Cuddlydragon Sun 28-Jul-13 19:43:48

I am speechless. What a horrible cow. Congratulations on your son. I'll keep everything crossed he recovers. Bless you.

JimminyBillyBob Sun 28-Jul-13 19:44:08

Would also be happy to watch your children to help, am crb'd. Let us know - so sorry you're all going through this thanks

Plomino Sun 28-Jul-13 19:46:12

So hoping that your little lad improves . I hope one day your sister looks back on this and is mortified . Am in West Norfolk if that's any help ?

dontwannasaywho Sun 28-Jul-13 19:47:59

flowers Congratulations on the birth of your Son. That is awful the way your Sis has been going on, someone else mentioned narcissist, I would agree theres a good possibility of that.

Hope and prayers for your little one x

ChristineDaae Sun 28-Jul-13 19:49:03

No advice on your sister I find her actions shocking.

Just wanted to wish you and your little family the best of luck. I will be keeping everything crossed for your Ds

Lovetea Sun 28-Jul-13 19:50:41

So sorry your going through this OP! Congratulations on the birth of your son. flower

I am happy to come and sit with you for a bit or help out with your other DC, I am home ATM for summer hols.

RoxyFox211 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:52:57

Of course Yanbu. What a horrible, tragic thing to happen. So sorry for you and your baby.

bumbleymummy Sun 28-Jul-13 19:56:49

So sorry to hear that your little boy is so sick. I hope he pulls through. I also think thst your sister is being horrible. You should not even have to be thinking about things like this right now. Have you asked about fanily rooms in the hospital? Is there any way your Dad could stay at your house? Thinking of you all x

RappyNash Sun 28-Jul-13 19:59:26

Sending you strength x

olidusUrsus Sun 28-Jul-13 20:08:50

Congratulations on the birth of your son, I'm so sorry to hear that he is so sick.

I would try and make other childcare arrangements. Is there no other person who can help? Is it your sister or nothing? I agree it's totally not practical for your kids to be shipped around and your DH to have to trek further than necessary to you.

I do not think your sister is unreasonable, though. She has been helping you, she just can't or won't stay overnight. And yeah that sucks but now you have to find a solution. Good luck with finding an alternative.

lunar1 Sun 28-Jul-13 20:10:06

Congratulations on your beautiful baby. I am so sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how difficult it all is, especially on your own.

Your sister sounds like my family. Is there anything I could do to help, anything you need. If you live anywhere close, I'm in north west, even if you just needed a home cooked meal. I woul look after your children but im guessing you wouldn't want to hand them over to an Internet stranger.

Thinking of you and your baby.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 28-Jul-13 20:10:30

What an awful situation for you to be in, I hope and pray you're baby gets well.

Honestly if I were you I would find it incredibly hard to talk to her again too.

If your Dad lives 5 minutes from her can he help you out? Or have I read that wrong. X

Solari Sun 28-Jul-13 20:12:20

I'm so, so sorry for the stress and emotions you must be going through. Thinking of you. flowers

travailtotravel Sun 28-Jul-13 20:13:31

Your husband should be with you and your son. Can you get a nanny cover? It's not ideal but you need to be together now.

BridgetBidet Sun 28-Jul-13 20:15:35

I don't think you need to even give this headspace at the moment OP, concentrate on your little boy, he is the important one here. I do hope he is okay OP, I will be saying a prayer for him tonight.

GibberTheMonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 20:16:19

I'm so sorry you're going through this
I've kind of been where you are and know how you feel except I had a full back up team behind me. I cannot comprehend what your sister is thinking of.
Please let us know where you are so the might of mn can spring into action

ProjectGainsborough Sun 28-Jul-13 20:16:36

I'm so sorry, you sound like you are being massively strong. As angry as you must be, I would focus your energy on finding a solution so you have some support with you. I might be tinting this with my own world view, but I tend to fume (over much pettier things than this) rather than processing what I need to.

Never sent hugs before, but sending them now xxx

BridgetBidet Sun 28-Jul-13 20:16:38

Is there anyone else who can help? A friend or colleague you trust? I am sure that they would help out.

diddl Sun 28-Jul-13 20:20:43

What a horrible situation.

I do think that your sister should stay for you.

But I also feel for her if she has three of her own to think of & a partner who is not much use.

Would your Dad not stay over?

I assume you've tried friends/neighbours?

It's the sort of situation I would help a virtual stranger in.

ventilatormum Sun 28-Jul-13 20:20:52

where are you, op? I think lots of us would step in to help and xx to your baby

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