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to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

(415 Posts)
HDEE Sun 28-Jul-13 19:09:36

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more sad

HarderToKidnap Sun 28-Jul-13 19:12:02

Yep, the chips are down and she needs to be there for you. Tell her straight. If she still wants to go home then she can, but at least you know you've said it. I'm so sorry, btw.

Coconutty Sun 28-Jul-13 19:13:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 28-Jul-13 19:13:19

You need better help, but it sounds like she's been looking after your children for 3 weeks? At some point people want to stop helping.

I'm so sorry about your baby sad

Fakebook Sun 28-Jul-13 19:13:38

Yanbu. sad. I'm sorry you're going through this.

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 28-Jul-13 19:13:46

so sorry you are going through this. is there anyone else who could sit with your dc's or could your dh and dc's stay closer to the hospital.

Thurlow Sun 28-Jul-13 19:14:48

I'm so sorry. Your sister is being unbelievable. Do you think she understands how time critical things are? Is there anyone else who can stay in the house, a neighbour or someone?

BabyILoveYou Sun 28-Jul-13 19:15:06

YANBU, she has let you down so badly. Can she arrange for a taxi to pick up her clothes and drop them off?

Thinking of you and your wee one x

MrsMoffat Sun 28-Jul-13 19:15:48

HDEE. Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son. I'm so sorry he's so poorly, sending you strength and flowers
When I had ds2 he was very sick too. My mother wouldn't put herself out at all to care for ds1 or for me who was also very sick. I know how much it hurts. I really feel for you.

Hegsy Sun 28-Jul-13 19:16:47

Yanbu I'm so sorry you're going through this hugs xxx

HDEE Sun 28-Jul-13 19:16:49

She hasn't had them for three weeks. She has had them one morning a week at her house so my husband could visit me. She had them Friday when I gave birth, and today at my house, with my dad's help.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 28-Jul-13 19:17:00

How awful for you. I'm so sorry.

Would it be possible for your dad to step in? Or a neighbour? I don't know all of my neighbours that well but would do anything I could to help them in a heartbeat in a similar situation

thebody Sun 28-Jul-13 19:17:36

so very very sorry op. could your parents help out by staying or have you friends?

Antidote Sun 28-Jul-13 19:17:38

Your sister is being shit. You deserve better. Maybe her husband is putting on lots of pressure, but still!

Is there anyone else who could come and help? Your Dad? Could he go to your house & babysit if DH needs to come in?

So sorry to hear about your baby. I hope your night is OK.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 28-Jul-13 19:17:57

Oh I thought you'd be in 3 weeks confused

Has your dh been off looking after them then?

themaltesefalcon Sun 28-Jul-13 19:18:17

Poor poor you, it's understandable you're so angry.

BUT she'll be missing her kids. And your older kids might be happier seeing their cousins.

I'm praying for your little one.

EverythingIsTicketyBoo Sun 28-Jul-13 19:18:41

Could your father possibly camp out on your sofa? I am so sorry that you're in this situation, prayers for you and your little boy thanks

It doesn't matter how long she has been helping Fairycake she is family, this is as bad as a situation gets and family should be there if physically possible. Clothes and discomfort should be at the very bottom of her list!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 28-Jul-13 19:19:31

Yanbu sad you shouldnt even have to ask. I'm so sorry your baby is so sick sad xx

themaltesefalcon Sun 28-Jul-13 19:20:28

X post, I also interpreted OP wrongly as her sister had been with her kids for three weeks.

Whothefuckfarted Sun 28-Jul-13 19:20:48

She sounds like a narcissist. You're very early baby is at touch and go and 'she doesn't have any clean clothes'.

Christ, I don't know what to say...

I'll come watch them for you if you live in North Yorkshire.

HDEE Sun 28-Jul-13 19:21:11

She has already left. My husband wanted to get home to help put the twins to bed and get some sleep himself.

I have a whole house full of clothes, plus a washing machine and tumble drier, she's just making excuses.

I rang and asked her and told her he probably wouldn't survive much more than a day or two now and she agreed, but apparently has changed her mind between then and my husband getting home.

I just can't believe that she'd do that. I'd be there for a total stranger in this situation, and she went home anyway.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 28-Jul-13 19:22:43

What about family rooms at the hospital? Can your dh and kids not be with you?

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 28-Jul-13 19:24:30

Congratulations on your son. I will keep everything crossed for you.

It does seam very unreasonable. But you have been through a hell of a few weeks and keeping things in proportion when you're bubbling with emmotion can be very hard. Hopefully the following weeks will be calmer for you.

I'm not sure its the best time to fall out with those close to you.

Are their any other options a local friend who could sit with the DC until your dad? Could pick them up and take them to your sis house?

Sometimes you just need to ask people for favours - lots of people geninely don't mind, especially at times like this. Is there anyone else?

HDEE Sun 28-Jul-13 19:24:59

Yes, I've been here three weeks. Seen no one except my husband for one hour each Saturday morning.

Just typing it out and I feel better. My family are extraordinarily odd.

queenofthepirates Sun 28-Jul-13 19:25:17

YANBU but you have a whole load on your plate at the moment so no rash decisions.

All of Mumsnet will be thinking of you. xxx

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