To refuse to visit PIL until they train their dog?(50 Posts)
MTBMummy - I really sympathise. The first time I met my prospective PILs I was introduced to Sheba, a German Shepherd, with the words 'She's highly neurotic, hates people - but she'll be alright as long as you keep out of her way, and don't ever look her in the eyes.' Note she'll be alright. I was a jellylike mess.
Think you need to start another thread on this one!
Good Luck Rollo - I've had similar issues with PiL's dogs, and it came to a head at Christmas when their dogs snapped and bit me on the face, and punctured my eye lid.
I managed to convince DP that one holiday 3 months later - there was to be no contact with the dogs, but they have since been allowed back into our house on their last visit. Granted PIL's kept the offending dog on a lead the entire time it was in our house, but we're due to visit them in a months time and I am terrified, the dog has had a little training but not enough in my mind, to make me feel safe about the visit.
I'm glad it's heading in a better direction. I am in a similar situation - my aunt (lovely, great with my kids, helps a lot, obsessed with dogs and totally anthropomorphises them) has a lurcher who bit my dad badly, totally unprovoked. She was mortified and started muzzling her when she was around the kids.
This has now completely lapsed and it is like she doesn't remember this incident. I have no idea how to address it but just see her less, particularly at her house . Youngest ds is nearly 2 and obsessed with dogs. Bad combination.
Be very careful visiting your PIL. It is the dogs territory and he may well defend it. Better they come to you and leave the dog at home, for a while.
I have the same problem with my MIL's dog. It isn't trained, but she thinks it's perfect so much she refuses to accept it does. She won't even come to visit our DD because she'd have to leave it for a couple of hours instead of cooing over it (Our DD is second in pecking order)
My OH told her that the dog stays outside or indoors on a lead and my SIL has been training it. She adhered eventually after trying to hold a staffy still on a lead all afternoon.
Last week we were charged and growled at by a dog, off lead in a park - DD is two and it was completely unprovoked. If you don't trust a dog don't risk it.
Actually KingRollo your second sentence is very astute FIL treats it like the first GC
I'm not a dog lover by any stretch - and I know loads of dog owners let their canines sit on sofas, beds, lick plates <<shudder>>
I believe dogs are dogs and should be appreciated and respected as such.They shouldn't be shut out in their own home though. Say 'hello' to visitors in their territory then take themselves off to their quiet area where your DD does NOT approach him.He needs to feel safe too.
They have elevated their dog to the status of GC. But the dog doesn't understand the human qualities that they have applied to it.
You cannot trust this dog.
Don't put your child at risk. End of.
oh and TTs are not particuarly small dogs, one of ours is about the size of a springer spaniel
tibetan terriers are stubborn, difficult to train, want to please themselves. we have two of them and i wouldnt trust either of them with a baby. it would take a lot of training and consistency (more so than a bog standard naturally obedient dog) to get ithem to the stage i would trust it.
dont let it round if you are not there to supervise
Your PIL don't even need to put the dog outside when you visit or in a crate, they could get a playpen which opens up and can then be used to keep a separate area for dog so that it can have it's bed and plenty of space without coming into contact with your DD. Keeps your DD safe but gives the dog its own space too.
This would be a good solution for an open plan space where baby gates wouldn't work
I think it's great that you are setting boundaries
YANBU at all! Small dogs can be aggressive with younger children especially if not trained properly.
Your PIL would be very unreasonable not to lock the dog away when you are visiting especially if it has had a history of biting children.
Unfortunately, even if your DH doesn't want to have a big argument with his parents, a small dog can do a lot of damage to a baby in a short period of time and I can't see that you have any other option if they refuse to keep the dog away.
I have trouble with two cats! It's not just dogs!!! Just cats don't often actually manage to eat kids. The thing is its all fine til it happens. But do you want to forever explain THAT scar to your dc?
One thing for a strange mutt, a known dog is different. It's setting every example for all their lives. Make them good ones is all I mean be that horse, mouse, chinchilla or dog.
Yanbu. For the record, I allow my 6 mo dd to pet our family dog. She isn't very gentle so I hold her arm and stop her if she tries to grab. If she's never allowed to touch the dog, how will she ever learn to be gentle and respectful? Thankfully my dog is also v tolerant and loves the baby (always trying to lick and fuss, I think she thinks she's a bald puppy)
You should do what some people did when i was working at the vets - their labradors used to bark at the GC when they visited so they had them PTS Two lovely healthy dogs put to sleep for no reason other than not appreciating noisy children in their previously quiet home heartbreaking
Just insist the dog is in another room - its not rocket science
Just insist that the PILs put the dog in the garden when you visit, or in another room - then the only problem you have is your own dog
What Quaffle says - are you expecting your ILs dog to tolerate he same treatment? Maybe you should teach your child how to behave around dogs because not every dog that she meets will be as tolerant as yours or if yours is feeling under the weather, she may react badly to "not to gentle" handling.
YANBU. And I say that as a dog lover/owner who regularly rolls her eyes at the dog hatred on MN.
PIL's JRT went for DD when she was a week old. They tried to play it down as 'she just wanted a sniff' but no dog sniffs through its teeth whilst violently shaking and growling. MIL supposedly is a qualified dog psychologist as well!
Stay well away. If they won't babysit without bringing the dog then accept you'll have to make alternative arrangements.
Agree with not taking risks - YANBU
If something happened you'd never forgive them but also you'd never forgive yourself either
Go with your instincts definitely. Keep them apart or have them visit you etc...
If they make a fuss about it tough. Be prepared to be thought of as a pain or over protective or whatever else but don't give it a second thought you're doing the right thing.
My dad had ill trained dogs that are supposedly good "guard dogs" for his business. They are not. They would bite indiscriminately and could not be called off. I personally like the dogs but since having DD I phone ahead to make sure they're in the compound not in the house.
She will never meet them I just wouldn't chance it. They are rottweillers but I'd apply the same caution with any dog known for biting and known for having a careless owner who thinks it's no big deal. To me it means they won't exercise due caution as they are so fond of the animal they get blind to the facts.
We have a very gentle dachshund who loves our 2 year old but even then I watch to make sure DD doesn't try her patience.
What do you think will happen should the dog attack your baby? Worrying about your PIL if you used the "nuclear reaction" preferable to an injury or fatality surely?
Give them the problem and give them the opportunity to resolve things. Don't take any risks.
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