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AIBU?

to be pissed off with my dinner guests? And DH?

25 replies

FlatsInDagenham · 27/07/2013 20:13

Ok so we didn't pre-arrange a time, but we've been to each others houses lots of times.

Both of us have small children - between us we have 5 under 6 yo - and the general idea is that you show up around 4pm, the kids get to play for a bit, they get fed between 5-6pm, the grown ups eat at around 7-8pm, the kids keep playing until everyone is tired and the guests leave around 9-10pm. (Note, this is only at weekends when the kids can sleep in next day.)

So my friend texted this afternoon saying they were shopping in another city and what time should they come over - I replied saying anytime, but come by 6 at the latest so we can feed the kids.

They turned up at 7pm. By which time my youngest had gone beyond the need for food and was just crying constantly. Their lateness on its own I might have overlooked, but then they basically dumped all 5 kids on me (3 belonging to guests) and I was left feeding and entertaining all of them by myself in the kitchen (remember my youngest is constantly crying) while they all go off to the living room for a nice drink and chat, DH included (and everyone can hear the baby crying and demands for juice, jostling for position, cries of "I don't like...' Etc that you'd expect from a bunch of overtired overexcited under 6s)

I even came to carry their 2yo to the table from the living room and they just sat there and let me do it all. (And did I mention my youngest was crying the whole time?)

Sorry, I realise this all sounds very petty. I am now soothing my youngest to sleep (while they are all drinking and laughing downstairs) and I just needed to vent.

OP posts:

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thebody · 27/07/2013 20:18

leave your youngest, she will drop off as been crying all day.

go down via the fridge, pour a LARGE glass and sit on your arse while announcing you are 'done for today and now handing the kids over to you guys'

stay sat on arse and enjoy wine until YOU decide it's time for YOU to go to bed merry and happy.

beanandspud · 27/07/2013 20:22

I'm with thebody. It's really annoying when this happens and people don't follow the unwritten rules but you have two choices...

Stay upstairs listening to the chatter and getting more cross or

Get downstairs, pour a large , announce that dinner is a take-out (preferably delivered) and make the best of the evening.

NotYoMomma · 27/07/2013 20:23

you could have fed your child earlier and not let them get distressed and passed it?

I would be narked but if it is a one off from normally good guests I would just leave it. but any repeats would be brought up sternly.

and you could always say, here is your 2 yo, ds needs me ta or some such.

youmeatsix · 27/07/2013 20:23

why didnt you just ask for help???

noblegiraffe · 27/07/2013 20:24

Try the words 'Your turn'. Then settle yourself down.

NatashaBee · 27/07/2013 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2013 20:26

See I just wouldn't have done all that alone

I would've yelled in a humorous but firm way, "Excuuuse meeee! A little help in here please?"

Or something like that anyway...but I wouldn't have martyred on.

MammaTJ · 27/07/2013 20:27

PA in the extreme. You have a mouth-use it. Tell people!!

I have a wonderful DP who every now and again gets fed up of doing everything in the morning. He goes all sarky on me and I hate it. I would rather he just said 'Would you do this, while I do that' than make comments such as 'I'll do and make the lunches then, or the DC will starve'.

It does make is easy for me to say 'You better had', rather than doing the grown up thing of helping.

Cuddleswithcats · 27/07/2013 20:28

thebody is a genius. Do exactly that

pianodoodle · 27/07/2013 20:30

That all sounds pretty horrible! Although I think I'd have fed the youngest regardless of them being late.

MadBusLady · 27/07/2013 20:33

YANBU but next time, feed your kids at six. They had fair warning. It's their responsibility to see that their kids get fed. If they object, you are all innocent "Oh I naturally assumed they must have had something already since you've come late."

HeySoulSister · 27/07/2013 20:33

Don't be such a martyr op!

Nobody made you do this

LemonBreeland · 27/07/2013 20:35

You should have shouted and asked for help.

You should also have fed your dc before they got there if they turned up that late.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 27/07/2013 20:40

Why didn't you just say come and sort your kids out?
And tell your husnand to do his share
And feed your own kids when they were hungry?

You made choices. If you're pissed off, be pissed off at yourself for making those choices as much as them for sitting down and letting you get on with it.

TheBakeryQueen · 27/07/2013 20:47

They do all sound thoughtless to be honest. Poor you!

But next time, demand help! I agree you shouldn't have to but don't be a martyr.

Your dh has got to do the adult dinner now. Or takeaway.

Next time, prioritise your kids, and yourself & feed them when it suits them.

You have been far too nice.

Hope you enjoy your evening now.

Jinty64 · 27/07/2013 20:47

Go and sit down with a glass of wine and do nothing else all evening!

LookMaw · 27/07/2013 20:49

You sound like a bit of a martyr here. Why didn't you ask for help if you were struggling? And fed your youngest when they were hungry?

IMO if a 2 year old is used to eating at 4-5pm, they are too young to be forced to wait hours out of politeness. Just feed the damn child.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 27/07/2013 20:59

They sound rude - turning up at 7pm for dinner with that many little ones??? Idiotic... & then leaving you to deal with it?? Are they normally this rude?

I'd have said something though... along the lines of 'what the hell do you three think you are doing in here sipping cocktails while I deal with all the kids? ?

ChippingInHopHopHop · 27/07/2013 21:02

... and yes, I'd have fed my own kids earlier (and told them 5 not 6).

AllThatGlistens · 27/07/2013 21:27

I don't understand why you'd not feed your own children sooner rather than let them get hungry and upset?

Pigsmummy · 27/07/2013 21:31

Just feed your children, why would you make them wait?

fakebook · 27/07/2013 21:37

Feed your flipping child. Poor thing.

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MariaLuna · 27/07/2013 21:48

what time should they come over - I replied saying anytime

O.k. You were being the good hostess, but next time just say "I'm feeding my kids by XX time".

That leaves them to feed their own kids - with or without you - and frees you up for the rest of the evening to relax and let the rest organise a whip round for a delivery take-away

Don't run around being a "people pleaser", it doesn't get you anywhere (been there, done that). Basically, the more you slip into that role, the more people will let you get on with it

ArtexMonkey · 27/07/2013 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grobagsforever · 27/07/2013 23:27

I am gobsmacked you allowed this to.happen. Do you have trouble sticking up for yourself?

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