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To hate the term full time mum

(260 Posts)
Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 09:32:14

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

treaclesoda Sat 27-Jul-13 10:19:10

Dylan don't feel insecure about your choice. Look how stay at home mums get bashed too, it doesn't matter what you do, someone will tell you you are wrong.

pommedechocolat Sat 27-Jul-13 10:19:37

charlotte - I agree. Everyone does what is best for them and their family. Full-time mum is a very silly term though, as silly as pointing out that a sahm is technically unemployed.

I am childish and bolshy. I'd be smacking her down with silly comemnts about paying her taxes. I wouldnt bother being her friend. OP is obviously nicer than me smile

Yonionekanobe Sat 27-Jul-13 10:19:38

It's bizarre I am always a mum, I am always a lawyer. Doesn't mean I'm doing one or the other actively the whole time. They are labels - just like I'm also a wife, daughter, sister...

janey68 Sat 27-Jul-13 10:19:59

As a bit of an aside, surely the term 'in loco parentis' (re teachers) is a legal term to define their responsibility should decisions need to be made about eg: urgent medical treatment? No one in their right mind would think it means the teacher takes on the role of mum and dad.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 27-Jul-13 10:20:25

I have had to work full time too Dylan. So do most women really, in this day and age. It is normal! Don't let that annoying woman get to you.

pommedechocolat Sat 27-Jul-13 10:20:39

Scary that 'full-time wife' as a description was more normal than women pre children working not very long ago.

Iaintdunnuffink Sat 27-Jul-13 10:21:12

You're over thinking, it's one of those common phrases.

It is a shite term though as it doesn't really describe the persons situation. SAHM is also crap, housewife is awful. I don't think there is a good phrase.

I work.

NeedSomeSun142 Sat 27-Jul-13 10:21:40

my opinion, there isnt any excuse for not trying to find a job when your children are at school full time unless you don't want one? yes I work full time and do all the housework because my partner works long hours and doesn't get in til late.

it's individual choice yes, but nobody should be made to feel bad about going out to work and contributing to the country which gives out money left right and center

Flobbadobs Sat 27-Jul-13 10:22:44

OP I shall let you in on my secret. Every time this person starts, if you don't want to say anything out loud just smile as she speaks and think really insulting/rude thoughts at her. I found that repeating the mantra "fuck off" helped me to tune them out, i literally didn't hear a word they said... grin and the less you hear of it, the less it will bother you. Be confident in your choices and don't bother engaging in a pointless debate. Neither 'side' will ever win or agree with each other.

HappyMummyOfOne Sat 27-Jul-13 10:23:28

Dylan, just remember all the goods points to working. You have a salary, recent work experience, good role model showing parenting and working go hand in hand etc. Not to mention should anything happen you have the means to support yourself and child and are sharing the financial reponsibility between you. Its a huge thing to make one adult the only earner as the pressure can be immense and lead to resentment.

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:23:58

pomme has a point, how about some come backs for the offender? Might shut her up. I am not sure it's the term but the suggestions she is putting behind it?

treaclesoda Sat 27-Jul-13 10:24:20

but yet needsomesun its ok for you to criticise those who choose not to work? hmm There are loads of reasons why people choose not to work once their children go to school, and 'laziness' is only one of them.

enpanne Sat 27-Jul-13 10:24:32

I wouldn't get too upset about it OP, ultimately both of you know that it is a euphemism for 'unemployed'. Let her have the small win and save face, you still have your independence and relevant employment skills, those are more important.

Ahardyfool Sat 27-Jul-13 10:24:40

It is sad that any parent feels they have to qualify that position by stating whether they do so alongside paid work.

It is also sad that we feel the need to justify our decision to work or not work.

I'd like to see a benefits system that is fair (pigs might fly), non-discriminatory, and appropriate so that all this watching what the next person is doing, getting, not doing or getting would maybe just stop.

However, it seems quite inherent in us to covet what others have. When did that begin - or have we always been watching over our shoulder like this I wonder?

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sat 27-Jul-13 10:25:29

There is no good label for a parent who is caring for their children during 'normal' hmm working hours. Maybe 'I'm caring for my children full time at the moment?' You're always a parent, but you aren't always the one caring for them at that moment if you are doing paid work.

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:25:51

needsome you haven't thought this through me thinks.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 10:26:38

Thanks for responses. I need some witty responses that aren't sahm bashing! Maybe secretly she would like to go back to work. Both our dcs are 15 months and she is 4 months pregnant so she's not going back to work for a little while yet. Going to just try to ignore it.
I just want to clarify, as a teacher I do not think I'm taking on the role of a parent at all, just as my dds nursery workers are not taking on a parenting role. We are doing our jobs to give care and guide other's children, not raise them.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 27-Jul-13 10:27:05

i am what they would caall a full time mum. hate it too. they are at school now, but I am still doing lots in the day withh appointments for special needs.

I think it is hard work if you work as well. [lazy emotion]

can't understand her logic either, supporting your child financially is as equally valid as staying at home and looking after them to save child care costs. all depends on you particular set of circumstances, costs, help available, earnings, jobs available etc.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 10:28:20

Perfect flobbadobs, will do just that.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sat 27-Jul-13 10:28:23

Anyone who thinks the only reason not to have a job is laziness hasn't been job hunting lately! It's very harsh in the employment market right now.

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:29:08

Especially school hour term time only jobs

NeedSomeSun142 Sat 27-Jul-13 10:30:04

no maybe not but most 'full time mums' around me take kids to School come home after chatting to other mums leisurely for maybe half an hour, have a nap, play on candy crush/Facebook, brag about how they are in level 57865 smoke about 20 fags between this. that's not laziness?

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:33:21

As I said needsome not the most thought about argument. hmm

scraggydoodledo Sat 27-Jul-13 10:34:08

Yes. It's a silly term. It does imply that mothers (why is it always only applied to mothers?) who work are part time mothers and I think it is often said by someone to try to make themselves feel a little more important. You are either a parent or your aren't, in the same way that you are female/ married/ straight, etc. You don't stop being married when you are not with your husband and you don't stop being a mother when you are not with your child.

kilmuir- what a daft thing to say. Childcarers look after a child for a limited period of time. They do not take on parental responsibility. I very much doubt that most 'full time mums' actually spend 24/7 with their children anyway. The one in the OP seems happy to hand her child over to grandparents on a regular basis, so no more full time than many part time working parents.

I can totally understand why you dislike the term, especially after the way your 'friend' used it to you. She sounds incredibly rude and unkind too. Try not to feel insecure. You are a mother and you go out to work to support your family too. You have nothing to be ashamed of at all, quite the contrary.

hobnobsaremyfave Sat 27-Jul-13 10:34:13

needsome now you are just goading ffs

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