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To hate the term full time mum

(260 Posts)
Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 09:32:14

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

CreatureRetorts Sat 27-Jul-13 10:08:41

There shouldn't be a segregation of motherhood by hours spent with your children.

You're either a mum or you're not.

It's a way of passive-aggressively denigrating someone's choices. It says more about the person saying it than it does about you OP.

pommedechocolat Sat 27-Jul-13 10:08:51

Yes, its her trying to feel superior. Point out that technically she's unemployed.

MoleyMick Sat 27-Jul-13 10:10:17

It makes me do an inward eye roll but doesn't bother me too much. I've a full time job and I'm a mum. When I freelanced from home when they were babies I was a stay at home mum.
For people who say I'm "not a full time mum" because I work, I just assume that they are people with whom I would have very little in common/would probably not get along with, so why would it matter what they think? grin

Forgetfulmog Sat 27-Jul-13 10:10:39

Yanbu, I bloody hate the phrase too. I'm a sahm but I don't think of myself as anymore or less of a mum than a wohm.

NeedSomeSun142 Sat 27-Jul-13 10:10:55

there are jobs that are school time hours hmm

HappyMummyOfOne Sat 27-Jul-13 10:11:19

Full time mum is a rubbish name used by those who dont work and trying to avoid saying they are unemployed. Unless they HE and their child never leaves their side to go to friends, school, clubs, grans etc then all parents have time away from their children.

Full time or part time relates to hours in a job or college course, nobody stops being a mum or dad whilst they are out providing for them.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 27-Jul-13 10:11:28

'also when children are at school age there is no reason not to get a job apart from lazyness'

Gosh, I have not worked for the last year because I have enough money to afford not to do so, not because I am lazy. I have spent my time looking after a large and complicated garden (because I love it), looking after lots of animals (because I am lucky enough to own them), volunteering in my local school and preschool (and being extremely helpful to them as I am a qualified teacher) and looking after the house. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to live this lifestyle but I am not bloody lazy grin

As for the full time mum description, it is just a shorthand way of describing what you do and means you do not have paid work. It is not a slur on mums who work hmm

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:11:32

Don't like it either. I am a stay at home mum, don't do paid work.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 27-Jul-13 10:12:55

When I worked I would not think of being offended by someone describing themselves as a full time mum. I think people must be terribly insecure about their choices if this bothers them.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 10:13:25

It's just the way she says it and the fact that she's always got time to get a massage or get her hair done! Yes I am a bit jealous. She just makes me feel guilty every time I see her but unfortunately I can't avoid her as if I did I wouldn't see anyone else as she is part of 'the group'. I'm the only one of us who works so that's another thing that makes me feel crap!

treaclesoda Sat 27-Jul-13 10:14:09

Mums who work usually do ALL the housework etc? Really? Single mums presumably do, but in homes with two parents present why on earth would just the mother be doing the cooking and cleaning etc? I don't know anyone whose husband expects them to do all the work confused

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Sat 27-Jul-13 10:14:10

What about me and DH then? We both work part time to share the parenting of DS between us. Does that make us both part time parents? Or does it not count as we're not paying someone else?

It's a wanky term. OP YANBU.

MissBeehiving Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:09

Okaay, so only paid childcare makes you less of a parent? confused

What about people whose children are cared for by relatives for no payment whilst the parent works, are you a full time "mum" then?

Babysitting is paid "childcare" - so conversely you're not a FTM if you go out in the evenings?

Do you become a FTM once your children are at school? <pins on badge>

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:11

I don't class myself as unemployed... I have a job... SAHM.....otherwise I'd have to pay someone to do my job.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:16

So it is actually one person who is annoying OP, rather than the blanket term?

diddl Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:20

"also when children are at school age there is no reason not to get a job apart from lazyness"

Ooh, I'm happy to be lazy then!

Just walked the dog & am now going to bike to the local Lido for a swim.

As I have done every day this week, & will probably do every day next week...

Yonionekanobe Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:33

kilmuir that is one of the most ridiculous and frankly offensive things I have read on MN (which is saying something).

NeedSomeSun142 Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:44

you should feel better not worse! what do they do when children are at school? household chores that you have to do after finishing work.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 10:15:45

Humphreycobbler I am insecure about my choice but after sitting down and carefully going through our finances there was no choice. I don't criticise those who stay at home, good for them, but as a working mum I feel criticised.

Thing is if you look at it from the POV of the so called "Stay-at-home" Mum they may not see that as a good description for themselves either - maybe they don't actually stay at home much but like to be out and about with the children ?
Purely in terms of their own experience they may well feel that "full time Mum" is the most accurate description for their life role ATM.
It isn't (by most people !) meant to cast any aspertions on other people's mothering/worklife balance.
I'm surprised anyone would say to you that you're "only a part-time Mum" (because you also have a job) - that's very rude and clearly ridiculous !

charlottehere Sat 27-Jul-13 10:17:01

I don't think it is necessarily lazy to not work when children at ft school.disclaimer I am lazygrin my DS is only a baby though.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 27-Jul-13 10:17:03

Yes it is mainly one person but she has led me to hate the term!

HumphreyCobbler Sat 27-Jul-13 10:17:19

Surely it just means they are looking after children all the time?

It is very hard to describe yourself when you do not work, I found myself floundering around as people just want a short description rather than a full on list. I usually just said I didn't work at the moment, which was blatantly not true as I was busy all day, but it was a shorthand term. As is full time mum.

Flobbadobs Sat 27-Jul-13 10:17:23

Have you ever tried to get one of these jobs needsomesun? They are like hens teeth and go within days.
Aside from that many families work very well with one parent, mum or dad at home to cover sickness/inset days/holidays etc. it is not laziness! It is a choice for the most part, I agree with you there but it is a choice that is made, in general, very carefully and is fully thought out on both sides.

onedev Sat 27-Jul-13 10:18:49

Totally agree Janey. I do like the idea of Working Time Directive Regs being implemented! grin

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