to think my dad shouldn't have done this (I don't know how cross to be!)(199 Posts)
I'm genuinely not sure how cross I should be.
My dad has a convertible and my DS (2.7)loves cars. We were getting ready to go swimming when staying at my parents' a few days ago, and my dad took DS outside to sit in the car (which was on the drive),which he's done once or twice before. When I came out the car was in the garage and my dad told me he'd driven the car into the garage with DS in the passenger seat - no seatbelt, and obviously no child seat so even a seat belt not very helpful.
I was quite angry as I said even though it is a tiny tiny chance, what if my dad had a heart attack and car lurched forwards (or similar). It was literally a case of driving 10 metres or so on a sloping driveway, so I know the chance of danger was infinitesimal. However, I also believe in avoiding easily avoidable hazards. My dad clearly didn't think I would mind and wasn't secretive about it.
I told my dad he needed to promise me never to do that again. He didn't take me seriously and tried to make a fake jokey promise but I made him do a proper promise. Then I dropped the issue as we were all going out and I didn't want to have a big discussion.
I can't discuss with my DH as he would be furious and I don't want to put his relationship with his PIL under strain. But I know my dad and my mum think I was being OTT and as I've thought about it more I really don't know? Am I being PFB (I know I can be) or is it a generational thing but reasonable of me?
I can see why you'd maybe be miffed because it shows your Dad's not looking after your DS by the same rules you'd use to shape how you are with him.
It's a difficult one because there's a potential danger, and even though it's miniscule, it's one you yourself would control by not doing it and putting your DS in the situation in the first place.
But then GP's do go on different rules because they're different people to you, and that's one brilliant thing about them
DD1 had her first drive of the car on DH's lap when she was 3 YO, I was a bit worried in the back thinking I was being driven by a 3 YO but I'd done the same with my dads motorbike/car at similar ages, and it was fucking excellent!
I'm really saying that if this isn't a part of your Dad regularly doing things which common sense would say you don't do with a child (letting him drive the car on his own/leaving him in the bath/leaving him with a dog) then let it go.
If it's an example of your Dad overruling you and you don't feel he's safe with your DS, you should protect your DS.
Also, is it telling that you're not telling your DH so he doesn't go off on one?
Is his relationship with you and your parents so strained, and he's so uncontrolled, that you have to pick and choose what information he has to keep from him?
That doesn't sound good. That you know he'll be furious can only be because he's been like that before, what other kinds of things does he get so wound up about?
YABU and PFB I'm afraid. Your dad is probably from the generation who lobbed their kids onto the back seat of the Cortina, flung a duvet in their direction and drove overnight to Cornwall for holidays!
He'd probably think you're a bit bonkers if you bring it up again, let it go.
It's fine, nothing bad happened, you told him off, he'll think twice before doing anything similar
Well this really takes the biscuit.
Your Dad drove 10 metres at what, 2 miles per hour, with your kid in the car and you're outraged because there's a chance your father might have had a heart attack......and.......and died? Even if that did happen it's highly unlikely that at the velocity they would have been travelling at that your PFB would have been harmed. Father dead, kid fine.
Have a re-read and see how over the top you sound. Honestly.
OTT doesn't even begin to cover it. Your parents are in their bedroom right now saying 'we have raised a crazy woman'.
It's not bonkers to try and keep your DC from harm though Leather, and I wouldn't be fussed if anyone thought I was for saying no to something.
But then I'm fairly
gobby confident (most of the time) when it comes to what feels OK/not OK, if I'm not I can bounce it off DH who knows the ins/outs of it as well as I do and thinks along the same lines.
But the OP can't do that.
I think you need to tell him that it's irrelevant whether he feels it is safe or not. He needs to respect your wishes as the parents and if he can't promise to stick to your safety rules then you can't leave your DS on his own with him.
Yabu, seriously. It was on his drive not the M25.
This surely isn't serious? Even in the highly unlikely event he had a heart attack at that time (and even then he'd probably be able to move his foot off the accelarator) at worst he'd get a tiny bump as the car hit into the wall. It really is taking things to the most extreme level, you had far, far more danger of your child getting hurt swimming than in this incident so the easily avoidable hazard thing doesn't really wash either.
Awww, 2.5 YO is only just shy of being a baby, it can be difficult to get out of that protective mindset sometimes.
I mean this in the nicest possible way, but, are you alright, OP? I only ask because I have relatives with anxiety disorders and its this kind of incredibly tiny risk that gets them worked up.
IMO YABU. Your child wasn't taken on the road without a car seat. Tiny journey. Infinitely small risk.
Yabu and beyond pfb.
At first I thought you meant to the garage (ie petrol station) with the way you reacted then realised you meant up the drive into the garage. My ds1 is of a similar age and would love this. Would you not take him to the playground in case he riskily climbed up the steps onto the slide?
Your poor dad.
I'm really concerned about you not being able to discuss this with your DH though - are there other things that you/your Parents do that would make your DH "furious"? I think perhaps his attitude is warping your perspective.
YA absolutely BU.
He drove into the garage. Very slowly.
No wonder he didn't take you seriously!
AND I bet your DS bloody loved it!
As a general rule-if you aren't sure how angry to be the answer is not at all
It all sounds very stressful.
Of course your DF did nothing wrong - I think that one's been covered, it would be nice to apologise to him and say that you overreacted. You'll look back at that and cringe in a few years time.
DH is the issue here. Why would he be furious?
YABU about the risk in this case but I would use it to emphasise how important it is to wear suitable restraints on the public highway. At 2.7 your DS will love learning 'motoring facts' like this. Cut you dad some slack.
My FIL put a teaspoon of sugar into my 8 month old's mouth (my first child) after I had just been telling my PIL that we were being very careful about his diet - that made DH and myself 'furious' because it was disrespectful. But it wasn't going to kill him, and now that I have four children, I can see that it was my FIL's irritating way of telling me not to be so controlling.
Driving a child unrestrained for 30 seconds into a garage is hardly life threatening - unless your father has heart problems that could lead him to have a heart attack at any second, YABU.
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