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To get cheesed off with people telling me I should 'get a little job'?

(265 Posts)
LukewarmBath Fri 26-Jul-13 15:40:11

My youngest child is due to start school in September. I am getting very fed up with people telling me (totally unasked for advice btw) that I need to 'get a little job'. One of the mums at school, who is a total busybody and doesn't know me very well at all, even printed off details about a lunchtime supervisor job that is going at the DC's school because she 'thought I'd like to get a little job as mini Lukewarm is going to school soon'. People constantly ask me if I'm going to get a job. Even family do it.

The fact is, I don't really need to work financially. DH has his own company and I do a lot of his admin work for him as well as lots of cold calling and dealing with invoices. But because it's from home, no one seems to think it's a proper job. I go to the gym, meet up with friends regularly and go on lots of nights out, so it's not like I need the 'adult interaction' from a job either.

I just wish people would mind their own business!

GoodTouchBadTouch Fri 26-Jul-13 16:35:05

Re pension - I assume I wont qualify for the state pension.

squoosh Fri 26-Jul-13 16:36:36

Nothing wrong with returning to higher education in your forties though.

glenthebattleostrich Fri 26-Jul-13 16:38:44

If you want to talk about patronising - I'm a (mostly term time only) childminder and my family ask me when I'm going back to work instead of doing my bit of babysitting.

My standard response now is that if I went back to a 'real job' I'd have to get dressed before 11 grin whilst looking confused.

Ezio Fri 26-Jul-13 16:38:53

Im nearly 30 and have been a stay at home mum for 6 years, 4 years on my own, im currently studying for a career, my DD wont stay 6 forever.

MegBusset Fri 26-Jul-13 16:39:38

YANBU. I have just started a p/t job (for financial reasons as well as DS2 starting school in September) and have had more than one person refer to it as my "little job". It's not a "little job" it's a JOB ffs with responsibilities and pay and everything. I'm not doing it as a hobby, I'm doing it to pay the mortgage!

sweetkitty Fri 26-Jul-13 16:40:21

I get this too, feel like saying I have degree, a phew professional qualifications and spent years in a professional job, so I have a fe years out and all I can get is a little job.

I'm going back to uni once the youngest is at school.

CailinDana Fri 26-Jul-13 16:43:30

You can imagine what it's like for my sahd friend whose dd starts pre school in september. A couple of people have strongly implied that he must be relieved to be getting back to "being a man" ( ie working) having played at being a woman (oh the indignity!) for a few years. They don't even ask if he's getting a job they just assume he is. When he says he isn't they are just gobsmacked as if he has said he's having a sex change. A man! Not bringing home the bacon! Imagine!

If one thing has become clear to me it is that there are a lot of stupid people in the world. Best to ignore them.

encyclogirl Fri 26-Jul-13 16:44:17

My friend gets this all the time. Her dh earns loads and she's inherited a few times also.

She's constantly been told about really shite jobs that she has no interest in and no need to do.

What's that about?

blueberryupsidedown Fri 26-Jul-13 16:45:28

I have a 'little job' and people still comment about that. I am childminding (and making a reasonable amount of money) but still people ask me when I'll go back to work. I am running my own business, paying taxes, national insurance, employing someone part-time, take regular training courses, and still people ask me when I'll go back to work. Hello.

TheCraicDealer Fri 26-Jul-13 16:48:20

I have no comment on the actually nub of this OP, but the phrase "cheesed off" isn't used enough imho.

Crinkle77 Fri 26-Jul-13 16:52:26

GoodTouchBadTouch Don't mean to sound like a doom monger but what happens if you split up, your partner dies, gets made redundant. I think it is very important to keep your skills up and if that means doing a 'little part time job' then so be it. There may be a time when you have to work and if you have not had a job for 11 years you would find it very difficult to get a job. Also what about when you retire?

LessMissAbs Fri 26-Jul-13 16:57:07

But you do have a job OP! You jointly run a business. People do have trouble accepting that a business is also a job. Even if once taking into account commuting, buying office clothes, lunch, etc and a poor salary you would be financially worse off making money for someone else working.

I made the decision years ago to concentrate more on property as it was likely to make me more money than my legal career. It did, yet I still get snide comments even though I lecture part time and run a property business!

Make sure your stake in the business is written into a partnership agreement or reflected in the company ownership though.

ZingWidge Fri 26-Jul-13 17:36:04

just say you are my full time PA.wink

job done

GoodTouchBadTouch Fri 26-Jul-13 17:41:55

Crinkle, I haven't had a job for 11 years, which as you say, would make it very hard to get one now, even in Tesco's. Worse is that I only worked for 2 years in my life in total!

Must be incredibly hard to motivate yourself to do a job you don't like for money you don't need!

WilsonFrickett Fri 26-Jul-13 17:43:54

OP has a job. Although now the DCs are at school it may be a good time to put it on a more 'official' footing (if it isn't already of course) wrt to NI, pension contributions and making sure that your contribution to your husband's business is clearly recorded.

GoodTouch I really hope your life works out the way you plan. But I have to say yours is a high-risk strategy... And while you're of course entitled to live your life your way, it's a little bitchy to then knock your HV for re-training in her 40's. Good for her.

Ezio Fri 26-Jul-13 17:44:34

Good, you have a point, i cant even get a job in Boots.

whiteandyellowiris Fri 26-Jul-13 17:48:02

oh yes I get that a lot too

I just say I love not working

GoodTouchBadTouch Fri 26-Jul-13 17:48:23

I do have a point Ezio... who in their right mind would want to employ me?? Ive got no CV, experience, or motivation!

EldritchCleavage Fri 26-Jul-13 17:56:51

Classic bollocks of people behaving as though being at home looking after a family is not 'work'.

My sister was SAHM for years, to 3 children. Without her at home, my BIL's job with lots of long distance travel and long days, would simply not have been possible to do with kids. He regards them as a partnership-everything high-powered that he does, he has done with his home partner making it possible. BIL comes home to a well-run family house, clean laundry, children looked after. He'd have no social life or even clothes to wear without her, and you can forget making it to parents' evening or getting the car serviced. I think it's often the same if one of you runs a business that takes endless often unpredictable hours.

Now the children are older my sister has a part-time job, but she was lucky to fund something enjoyable. No way she would be doing drudgery for money they don't need just to prove to people she was, well, what?

You do not need to earn a wage to have worth, and shame on anyone who says otherwise.

Ezio Fri 26-Jul-13 18:01:07

Good, people dont wanna employ me and i want and need to work.

LessMissAbs Fri 26-Jul-13 18:03:38

GoodTouchBadTouch that's nothing really to beef about. The OP's situation is different because she at least has skills in the business that she could point to and describe if she had to get a job at some point.

OP, I've remembered that when I worked full time for a couple of years as a lecturer, very good job on a decent salary, but used to work from home during the long summer vacation a lot, my PIL actually asked me if I was going to get a "holiday job"!

intheshed Fri 26-Jul-13 18:05:44

I have what people class as a 'little job' (I'm a TA) so now people ask me if I'm going to get a 'proper job' when the kids are a bit older hmm

The only phrase that irritates me more than 'little job' is 'pin money' - as in 'ooh, it must be nice to have some pin money now that you've got a little job' . Get back to the 1950s!

GoodTouchBadTouch Fri 26-Jul-13 18:09:41

Eldritch - That's a lovely post, and just how I feel.

Ezio - which is why it would be silly for me to even try to get a job, when I neither want or need to. I hope you find something soon.

LessMissAbs - not sure what you mean by beef? OP IS working, but still gets the same comments.

StickyFloor Fri 26-Jul-13 18:11:06

On a good day I calmly explain that actually I do some work from home which is enough, thanks.

On a bad day I say actually I can't be arsed to work anymore, and we don't need the money, so why bother? and watch their jealous / patronising jaws hit the floor.

Either way I kick myself, as the correct response I wish I could give is utter silence, smirk and a death stare - it really is nobody's business what I do with myself.

Ghanagirl Fri 26-Jul-13 18:11:53

Say I'm waiting for a BIG job

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