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To go to a nightclub on my own as I have no friends

(38 Posts)
exmrs Thu 25-Jul-13 23:24:15

I'm 33 just got out of abusive marriage, I have no confidence no self esteem and no friends. I have always struggled socially and I feel Quite happy on my own every night but I have a young son and feel I should make an effort to go out and socialise as my son is quite introverted. I like music and would be going to re live a bit of my youth as I married young but would people think I'm strange going out on my own? I'm not going to trap off I just want to have some fun for a change

BiscuitDunker Sat 27-Jul-13 01:44:31

I personally wouldn't recommend going to a nightclub on your own,but perhaps I've read far to many "nights out gone bad" stories in newspapers and magazines...

I'd recommend perhaps going to your local pub for a quiet drink and trying to make a few friends that way? Just sit at the bar and you'll probably find people will say hi and start talking to you while they order their drinks and it will also mean you can chat to the staff behind the bar too. Plus you won't be too far from home so you won't have far to go if you start to feel uncomfortable and you can actually have a conversation with people who are local and friendly and not out for sex,instead of a nightclub where you can't really talk and will find yourself surrounded by a load of drunken idiots/pervs who are only after a shag. Plus if you go to the pub you may find an interest in darts for instance and join the pub team or perhaps they do a weekly quiz night you could do? Would be a great (and safer) way to meet new people and make friends smile People and attitudes and atmospheres are very much different in a local pub to those in clubs and as your have just come out of an abusive relationship and have low self-esteem I really don't think a club will do you any favours as you will be naturally wary of people.

kali110 Sat 27-Jul-13 00:47:50

Although on up side you can go where you want op. im always dragged to bloody rnb and dance which i hate cz majority if my friends don't like rock or metal. Even on my birthday i don't go where i want to go

kali110 Sat 27-Jul-13 00:41:09

I wouldnt purely for safety reasons or if drinking may make you very depressed drinking on your own.
Welldone for getting out of ur marriage op, thst is such a brave thing to do.
Understand about lack of friends, i only have few i can actually count on, im too nice people tend and absuse me
:-( refuse to let people make me nasty though!
Wat about people on here?

WafflyVersatile Fri 26-Jul-13 23:14:55

Unless you generally immerse yourself on the dancefloor all night with little regard to the people around then it might be better to work up to it. I went to one once when I was travelling. I'm not the sort of person who falls into conversation with strangers wherever I go an it wasn't fun for very long. If I'd been single at the time it would have quite depressed me. But you know, it's not the end of the world if you go and it's not much fun.

There are local mumsnet pages here when you might be able to meet up with other mners.

other local forums or interest sites and meet up etc already suggested.

ClartyCarol Fri 26-Jul-13 23:01:50

I think it's not a good idea because OP said she struggles socially and tbh it's going to make her feel even more shit going to a club, standing there like a lemon while other people are dancing and having a laugh with their mates. Someone who struggles socially is going to find it difficult to strike up a conversation with random people, and really, how many people would genuinely be confident to get up on the dancefloor and strut their stuff on their tod?

Those different meet up type groups sound like a good place to start.

Angelfootprints Fri 26-Jul-13 10:22:49

Add message | Report | Message poster IfNotNowThenWhen Fri 26-Jul-13 "09:39:12
Yes, don't go to nasty clubs with scary men OP. Find some mummy friends to have days out with the dc's..much more appropriate."

Assuming your sarky little comment was aimed at me IfnotNow then READ the op... She wants to help her introverted son. Nightclubs wont exactly help unless you think children at a nightclub is just fine.

Fairylea Fri 26-Jul-13 10:15:50

I'd go but make sure you don't drink too much and watch your drinks carefully incase they get spiked. Then any decisions you make will be made with a clear head.

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy Fri 26-Jul-13 10:13:33

Some clubs are pure dives that attract people who want to get drunk and lairy. The one I go to is better,its local so a familiar face is always there and its over 25s so less likely to get the scuttered-teen-making-a-show-of-themselves. Go out,have fun. Dance,chat,blow off some steam,and get a pre booked taxi home.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:02:40

It depends where you are for meet up ; there's nothing in my area.

To be honest you do get funny looks when you go to places alone. I have to as I have no choice but you do tend to be the only one. I end up taking 14 month old dd with me as you can sit in a cafe with a toddler and no one minds, don't know what I'll do when she's older though.

HellonHeels Fri 26-Jul-13 09:43:05

Meetup is great for social activities and meeting people without (usually) having a relationship / dating focus. Just groups of people interested in the same kinds of things you are.

I'm not single but belong to a few groups and have made some nice friends from doing shared interests.

IfNotNowThenWhen Fri 26-Jul-13 09:39:12

Yes, don't go to nasty clubs with scary men OP. Find some mummy friends to have days out with the dc's..much more appropriate.
Seriously, get yourself out there! You deserve some fun. Agree city socialising is great to find people who want to do similar things, and maybe don't have any friends with similar interests, or have recently moved into town etc.
Also agree that gay clubs are a good idea.I used to go to gay clubs, with friends, but i can remember times when my friends left early or whatever and I stayed.
Be sensible, stay safe, but do go out. I should go out more too!

ClartyCarol Fri 26-Jul-13 09:35:28

Don't go clubbing on your own - just don't.

Lots of pp have given some good suggestions.

SinisterBuggyMonth Fri 26-Jul-13 09:30:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pigsmummy Fri 26-Jul-13 08:59:20

I found myself single with few friends in a big city. Gay clubs are very friendly, I used to pop into one on my own frequently and now have long term friends whom I met there. My best friend and god father to my DD is the partner of a random I started chatting to in a gay club many years ago. I might be biased (as I have great memories) but the music is great and less risk of meeting a player. Maybe give that a go? Salsa clubs are fun too.

KateCroydon Fri 26-Jul-13 08:44:10

Why not, as long as you choose club well? Gay or gay friendly could be good (I'm assuming you are a mature adult who wouldn't gawp) as could a lindy-hop rockabilly type place. Anything that's less likely to attract sleazy straight men.

ZillionChocolate Fri 26-Jul-13 08:37:03

What about a dance class? Might be a way of combining your love of dancing with meeting some new people.

Nothing wrong with you going to a club alone, I just think it might be crap.

Angelfootprints Fri 26-Jul-13 00:11:40

Plus, if you are doing this to teach your son to socialise to be honest.... I don't really see how getting a babysitter while you go out would particularity help? It would be great if you could find some parents with children around his age to have fun days out with.

Angelfootprints Fri 26-Jul-13 00:08:13

I dont think its a good idea op. I used to love clubbing pre- dcs but most of the men I met were not exactly nice. I know your not looking for a man as such but as someone said above, most are drunk and looking for a shag not friendship and fun.

I really do think I saw men at their worst in nightclubs.

Thats not what you need right now.

I think something calmer were you can meet people in better circumstances would be best tbh.

Mumsyblouse Fri 26-Jul-13 00:03:54

zatya crossed posts, I completely agree with this.

Mumsyblouse Fri 26-Jul-13 00:03:25

I think you might be better off finding some friends first before wandering into clubs on your own, because your bullshit antenna might not be working perfectly after a long time out of the nightclub game and good friends will act as your antenna and help you out if you get into difficulties. There's been loads of ideas on here- meet up through MNlocal, kids friends mums. go to gigs where you might meet like-minded people and so on. I would try to build up that side of things first I think rather than going straight into the nightclub scene which may not be that friendly or at least in a way that is going to help your confidence at this stage.

Sorry to be the party pooper, but having got out of one abusive marriage, you want to make sure the next set of people you meet really have your best interests at heart.

zatyaballerina Thu 25-Jul-13 23:58:57

Nightclubs are full of drunks looking for sex, probably the worst place to go in your position tbh. You'll be too vulnerable alone, it will mark you out as weird to some, easy prey to others.

The first thing is to find friends, the best places to meet genuine people are those where people go to meet others, places where others share similar interests or to expand their own interests. Gym, book club, kayaking club, pilates, walking club, tai chi, language classes, rock climbing, zumba, learn a musical instrument....whatever you can get interested in. You could try internet dating or meeting people through meet up sites but tbh I'd try the real life alternatives first to get you used to people and get a bit of confidence.

There are a lot of creeps on the net and you sound a bit vulnerable, meeting people in a group setting where there's no immediate focus on you lessens the chances of unwanted attention and allows you the room to develop at your own pace.

missingmumxox Thu 25-Jul-13 23:55:47

I hate night clubs even when I was younger, but I would not think it odd.
I am married a still do things in my own (or children in tow) which most my other friends in partnerships would not consider. For instance I am on holiday at the moment with my children. I go out for meals, the cinema etc on my own I love it, still do.
I would also add, that I did this because I can and will, sound like you still need permission, hense the post, you don't,
If you lack friends join clubs, I have wanted to join the WI since I was 26 ...sad but true, life has got in the way of that.
As a carer and then mum.(dh works away)
Making friends whatever age they maybe opens your horizons. Years ago me and Dh used to sit and keep a couple in their mid and late 90,s company and walk them home in a Friday might, they where great company, real fun sadly dead now, through them we meet a couple in their 70's really amazingly interesting people and real friends, sadly the dh, has dementia now but me and his dw meet up for a drink and laugh, through them I have a great friend in her 30's with children my children's age.
Ditto being careful, but that stands to reason.

Basically do what you feel is right for you, and have fun you are only 33 for a short time

dontyouwantmebaby Thu 25-Jul-13 23:45:11

ps saying that I find that people quite often meet like-minded new friends after coming out of abusive relationships (even when they're not esp fussed about making new friendships) so you never know, you might find someone to go clubbing with for same reasons as you! good luck!

dontyouwantmebaby Thu 25-Jul-13 23:42:07

no I don't think people would find you strange going out on your own. do what you have to do OP.

after abusive relationships, you just have to do what is right for you!

(FWIW i moved in with someone at 17 and found myself on my own again at 26, really didn't know where to turn after years of abuse, resulting in v.low self-esteem.) If I could tell my 26 year old self not to worry and just start going out again alone, I would!

thebody Thu 25-Jul-13 23:41:59

can you not make friends via your sons friends? is he at nursery or cm/ school?

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