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AIBU to go on holiday?

(155 Posts)

I have a DS, 2.7yrs. I live with DP who is not DS's Dad.

We got offered the use of an apartment in a few weeks in Portugal, a freebie from one of DP's friends. So we only have to pay for flights. It's going to be for 7 nights.

Apartment is in a quiet village, quite a way from the airport, and is in a private complex that isn't full of holiday lets, but generally where people live/ have second homes.

We decided it wasn't really the kind of holiday to take DS on, as we wouldn't be doing much, and that it would give us a chance to relax and get a break, so I have arranged for DS to stay with my parents.

DS hero worships my dad, and they help me out with childcare while I work, so I have no qualms about how he will be looked after, or that he won't enjoy it. My Mom won't be working at the time, and they have plans to spend some time with my sister and niece and take him on a day trip on a train. smile

Ex has gotten wind of it and has made a couple of comments along the lines of him not being able to believe I am 'dumping' DS to go on holiday on my own, and how selfish it is. Also a friend's reaction was that she couldn't leave her DC for that long and won't I worry/ miss him.

Well of course I will miss him! But I know him and his grandparents are going to have a lovely time!

AIBU to go on holiday for a week without him????

Nomoredramaplease Thu 25-Jul-13 22:24:20

As long as you would have no issue with your ex doing the same and you know your son will be happy then YANBU. I personally wouldn't, I think a week's a long time to be away from such a little one but if he's used to having overnights away from you then I'm sure he'll be grand. Enjoy your holiday smile

flipchart Thu 25-Jul-13 22:32:44

We used to stay at my nan and grandad's when my mum and dad used to go holiday and that was in the 1970's

We had a great time and so did mum and dad.
To us it was a treat! Nan and grandad used to take us to school as normal and then pick us up. We had loads of treat nd were lowed to go to bed 1/2 an hour later than home! ( woo woo!)

IceNoSlice Thu 25-Jul-13 22:34:13

Enjoy the break. Your conscience should be clear, as you have thought it through, DS'll be happy and I'm sure his GPs will enjoy their time with him.

Everyone is so different. Some can't stand the thought of time away from DCs - that is fine too, and especially understandable if the road to parenthood was not smooth.

And we parents are far too good at making ourselves feel guilty. we don't need others to add to that guilt. I am going back to work soon. Twice this week I've heard 'I don't know why women bother to have children if they dump them in nursery' or similar. Thanks for that, thoughtless people. And sexist (seems it is fine for men).

Nomoredrama..... my Ex does do the same!! I'm the one looking after DS when he does. Only difference is that he sees looking after DS as my job, not his, and doesn't give a second thought to taking time off and going away without him, as I am there looking after him!!

He is used to nights away from me... he does it occassionaly with his Dad and sometimes with my Dad when I need to work, so not worried on that score.

A week is a long time - I can see what people are saying here. It wouldn't necessarily be something I would have planned to do, but this was offered and sounded like a good idea. As I said, we've already had our fmaily holiday for the year, and weren't planning on going again!!

Guilty - I understand. Part of me does feel the same. But also part of me is proud of the fiercely independent little soul I have made, and of the relationship he has with my parents. I'm a wee bit torn I think, which is probably why the comments from Ex and friend resonated with me!

I also was thinking about DP. We've been living together since Christmas, and he is great with DS. But I think he would welcome some time just the two of us - it's not like other relationships where you have time to develop the relationship just the two of you, before you have kids, I thought the break would be good for us too!

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 25-Jul-13 22:40:14

Have a lovely time away

It's good for both parents and children to have time away

Ds will have a fab time with GPS and be totally spoilt and you will relax

I look after many children whose parents have gone away and they enjoy time with me - some happy to speak to parents on phone /face time - others get upset - kinda out of sight out of mind

Ps - is ds dad your ex volunteering to have ds for that week?

If not then tell him to butt out smile

DameFanny Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:02

Just from a practical point of view, between 2 and 4 yo is fairly tricky to travel with - horrible on planes, needing a lot of attention - old enough to be bored easily, old enough to miss familiar routines, but not necessarily old enough to enjoy seeing new places. Well ds certainly wasn't at that age.

Sounds like your ds will have a fabulous time smile

And you could always write up a series of postcards/letters for your parents to give him at breakfast each morning? We did that when we left ds aged 8 to go on a northern lights cruise, telling him where we were each day and so on, and he really enjoyed them.

guiltyconscience Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:24

I can see where you are coming from and I know I am in the minority. I suppose some ppl could turn the tables and would say I am very possessive ! Op in your replies to everyone here you have been lovely . I am thinking you would not be considering going on hols if you had any huge misgivings about your ds if that is the case then you must go and not take any notice of your ex or indeed me! You have won me round my dear!

TwoStepsBeyond Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:56

Yanbu, everyone needs some down time and when you get the opportunity of an actual break, i.e. nobody to look after, total freedom to do as you wish, you'd be a saint not to take it!

DP and I took our DCs on holiday earlier in the year. We got a chance to go away as a couple next month and I leapt at it. Of course I will miss them, as will he, but they will be looked after by their other parents who love them and don't spend half as much time with them as we do normally.

I wouldn't have dreamed of spending a week away from them when their dad and I were still together, as family time was so rare and precious then, but now I am a lone parent and spend 6 out of 7 days with them, I need a break. Anyone who wants to judge, feel free, I don't care!

RumAndBoak Thu 25-Jul-13 22:51:50

It's funny how if your dp was ds's dad and you were considering time away it would be deemed as 'its good for you to be mr & mrs purple rather than just mum and dad' but as he is not ds's dad then people act like you are abandoning him for a new life or something.

My dh and I have a break without the kids each year, It does me personally and us jointly good, probably wouldn't do it if it meant we didn't have a family holiday though, perhaps you could take ds on a mini holiday so he has something fun too.

if you are content with your reasoning then go for it. It's your life you are living and am sure your ds comes first, this is just a holiday, not a lifestyle change! :-)

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 22:52:44

I think it is fine, he will be with people who love him, and you can have a proper break.

I think your son is of the most difficult age to travel abroad, at that age you may as well go to a holiday camp in the UK, hideous for parents but nice for the kids. If he was older, say 7 or so I would say take him with you, but I think it would be very stressful to take him. And you want a break and a de stress. Don't feel guilty for wanting that.

Plus when you come back you will be so thrilled to see each other, and you will feel refreshed.

I would say go for it. No need to feel guilty and don't listen to your ex. Just because you are going away it doesn't make you less of a loving mother. Lots of people wouldn't leave a child that age, but nobody is right and nobody is wrong in this situation, just personal choices.

karinmaria Thu 25-Jul-13 22:53:12

YANBU. As long as you feel your DS will have a good week with his GPs then go and have a week off.

I remember being 'sent' to my GPs every summer. They lived on the Continent so it was an amazing adventure and I still went by choice during uni holidays... It made me very close to my GPs but also more confident. I was never the person worried about being in a different bed or eating different food on school trips for example!

K8Middleton Thu 25-Jul-13 22:57:30

Don't even give it a second thought. Have a lovely time! I am very jealous.

Happy child, happy parent... What's not to like? Christ I wouldn't even miss mine that much. Not for a week of lovely weather, love food, sleep, swimming, wine, sex and dancing.

TolliverGroat Thu 25-Jul-13 22:59:01

YANBU. It's nice (assuming pleasant normal grandparents with no serious health issues) for DCs to spend some time with grandparents developing that relationship without the parents there -- it's not as though you're putting him in kennels.

McNewPants2013 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:05:07

Do you know I can't think of a reason why I couldn't do it.

But this is coming from someone who feels guilty if I spend money on myself or treats myself.

I do think time as a couple is very important, so go and enjoy the time with your DP.

facedontfit Thu 25-Jul-13 23:10:43

Enjoy - I'm sure you deserve it! YANBU

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 23:10:55

Never had any issues travelling with DS - I just think you have to get on with it. We have done long haul flights since he was 18 months old.

mumblechum1 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:12:58

I agree, couples who invest time snd energy in their relationship by having some child free time are more likely to stay happily together and therefore make better parents imo

ClartyCarol Thu 25-Jul-13 23:20:07

Go on holiday and have a lovely time Eat, drink and be merry, shag eachother senseless, have late nights and lie ins, relax and enjoy yourselves. Your ds will have a wonderful time with his extended family and you will have a great time with your dp. A week is nothing in the greater scheme of things.

Ignore your ex - so it's ok for him and not you? Sod that.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 25-Jul-13 23:29:25

I personally feel its a lot to ask of your parents, they already provide childcare whilst you work and now have to do full time care for seven days as you fancy a holiday on your own.

I think holidays should be for families once you have children and personally couldnt go away without DS. Those times and luxuries should be shared.

JADS Thu 25-Jul-13 23:38:12


Go and enjoy. If you feel a week is to long, could you go for 4/5 days instead? If your ex is so concerned, he can take ds for a week. Bet he isn't volunteering

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 25-Jul-13 23:39:25

I think YABU, you spend time at work, and now leaving him for a weeks holiday. I don't know why you'd want to do that, (obviously, not the working!) and don't want to take him. Wouldn't you miss him dreadfully? Still, there's a lot worse things people do in the scheme of things.

TinaSurrey Thu 25-Jul-13 23:39:54

I wouldn't do it but you know the people involved so your judgement should be sound as long as you listen to your instinct.

If you are (say) 20 something & your parents (say) 40 something then they will probably be ok. My parents are late 60s and a week with a toddler (especially given you said he doesn't sleep brilliantly) would be extremely tiring and more than I would dream of asking for.

I'd be very grateful for a day or maybe an overnight but 24/7 for a week...

flipchart Thu 25-Jul-13 23:39:55

I can't see why you can't have family holidays and child free holidays (if you can afford it)

Up until last year I used when mine became too old to want to go away every school holiday I used to take them away for all the half terms and we had some brilliant times, then I would have a holiday with DH and the kids would go to mum and dad's where they had a brilliant time and then I have a week or so with my mates.
best of all worlds for everyone.

I'm just following in the footsteps of my mum and dad. My nan and granddad were huge travellers so encouraged my parents to go away as well.
My kids (17 and nearly 14) have travelled abroad several times without me and their dad.

WaitMonkey Thu 25-Jul-13 23:44:13

I'm with HolidayBug, its not something I would do or even consider. I have 3 dc and am a SAHM, so don't get a break. But I certainly wouldn't judge anyone else for doing it. Ignore your ex, he's just out to cause trouble.

AnnabelleLee Thu 25-Jul-13 23:44:30

God I loathe the precious moments types. "how can you leave your precious ickle pickle for a minute, its so precious, you selfish undeserving bitch"
Get a grip! If you want to spend every second with your kids, great, well for you. We don't all feel the same. Get the fuck over it and keep your judgey beaks out of others families.

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