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To confront old friend about her racist comments or not?

(16 Posts)
KhaosandKalamity Fri 26-Jul-13 06:27:19

Say something. Some people think that as long as no one calls them up on it their behaviour must be fine. Then again I have trouble keeping my mouth shut about this kind of thing.

One of my brothers friends once posted "happy birthday n-word" on his facebook wall. I had a few quiet words with him and he acknowledged it was wrong, and apologised for saying it. He is now very careful about what he says, and according to my brother has pulled up a couple of his other friends on using the word. Decency can be contagious.

Mimishimi Fri 26-Jul-13 02:35:06

Indian children do tend to do very well in school. I also live in an area with a lot of Indians and am happy my son is going to school with them because academic standards/competition is high.

Wonder if she has a problem with dark Welsh people too ? There's lots of them... including a sizable Kale gypsy community.

thebody Thu 25-Jul-13 23:26:55

well what's her reason for worrying her dds class is full of Indians? you just said you are worried your child's class is full of white Protestants?

can you not see the irony?

you worry your child will grow up with one set of values and perhaps so is she?

if her attitude is just she 'doesn't like Indians' then yes she's daft but worth chatting to her.

funny comment re 'Indian parents valuing education more and striving to get their children better jobs'

what a sweeping generalisation.

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 25-Jul-13 23:19:25

YANBU. I loathe racism in any shape or form. Unfortunately, my parents who are lovey and rational in every other way are racist.
My DD noticed that the last time they came to visit. She is 12 and pretty much self absorbed.
I can't cut them out of my life but DD does pull them up on it. I've tried over the years and failed.

whitesugar Thu 25-Jul-13 23:04:01

Just don't contact her, some friendships have a shelf life. I don't mean to sound harsh but they do. I recently terminated a 35 year friendship going back from school. I was hanging on because I thought longevity was important. All I feel is massive relief. We used to to meet up for nights out every year or so when we went back to our home town. In reality I found her hard work. Last time I spent weekend with her was intolerable. Presumably she feels the same as she hasn't contacted me.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 21:58:15

i dont really know how to answer this....its not even a dilemma for me. Just tell her she can either stop being a racist snob, or you will stop being her friend? confused

she probably isnt going to change though, i suspect? just tell her to fuck off

Whothefuckfarted Thu 25-Jul-13 21:57:51

She is being unreasonable unless she lives in blackburn

Keep drifting apart.

HollyBerryBush Thu 25-Jul-13 21:53:29

Tell your friend schools with indians tend to do much better because the parents value education and strive to get their children educated and into professional jobs such as doctors and accountants.

VioletStar Thu 25-Jul-13 21:51:37

White Anglo-Saxon Protestant

Gruntfuttock Thu 25-Jul-13 21:51:22

softlysoftly it stands for White Anglo Saxon Protestant

softlysoftly Thu 25-Jul-13 21:49:15

What is a wasp? Always wondered!

I would confront but then my kids are mixed race.

jammiedonut Thu 25-Jul-13 21:46:06

Pull her up on the comments, then bow out of the friendship, it doesn't sound like you'll be missing out. As long as you teach your ds about accepting other cultures he'll be fine, I wouldn't worry!

pianodoodle Thu 25-Jul-13 21:25:57

When I was growing up in N.Ireland it wasn't particularly multicultural but that in itself doesn't produce a closed/racist attitude so I wouldn't worry about that side of things.

The more important thing is the attitude of people around you and the effect that has on your children. For that reason I would and do pull people up on comments like that.

LadyBryan Thu 25-Jul-13 21:22:29

To be honest I'd carry on drifting apart and cut her out of your life!

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Thu 25-Jul-13 21:21:18

I think you should say something but you can start out softly. If she makes the 'full of Indians' remark again, maybe say 'I really don't see what the problem is myself. I think it's good for DS to see that there are lots of different people with different appearances in life'.

Not sure from your OP whether your village is very ethnically diverse or not - seems like it is from the school, but then 'where I dont think we have any other that WASPS', which suggests it isn't.

PugMummy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:16:49

I have a childhood friend who obviously I have known for years. Over the past few years we have drifted apart really but I still speak to her every month or so probably more out of loyalty and the fact that our DS are a similarish age.
Thing is she's a snob and looks down on people, she has mentioned a few times that she doesn't like the primary school Ds goes to as its full of Indians. They are also looking to move to a different area because, guess what, its getting full of Indians!
It really annoys me that she feels she's superior and seems to want to constantly big herself and her Dh up to me and I honestly just take people as I find them, couldnt really care what job he has or how much he earns!

Just cant understand the racism but i live in a very rural welsh village where I dont think we have any other that WASPS and i worry that Ds is going to grow up with no understanding of others. Can't decide if I should say somethign when she says something again or just leave it to her petty mindiness?

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