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I have dissolved into tears today and had to call my Mum I feel such a rubbish Mum a Hug please

(22 Posts)
bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 18:40:29

We have just moved.

I have Sciatica, I am tired moody and totop it all Pil have upset me this weekend.

Fil has the knack of making me feel a bad Mum for these reasons, he favours our son and treats all the GC differently.

For example he will buy one child something and not the rest, we are due to go on holiday soon and I am afraid I told Mil I have had enough of the lack of respect he has for me,and his actions.

He will not take his shoes of in our home and it is rude feel.

She said she will talk to him but when we are all together he causes so many arguments and makes me feel inadequate.

He questions all my parenting decisions makes me feel bad If I do not agree with him and is constantly overbearing.

What do I do now I have said he does not like me or respect me and I am dreading going away with them all.

bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 18:41:47

Sorry for spelling mistakes ,its also very rare for me to ever ask for help.

CinnabarRed Thu 25-Jul-13 18:44:42


I'm just putting three DSs aged 5 and under to bed, so can't post at length - but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

I am certain that you aren't a terrible mum. In fact, you're very probably a wonderful mum.

Hope your DH is supportive. Perhaps a long conversation with him will help?

bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 18:49:10

That is the thing we have had not 5 minutes together, the children are playing up and I am at my wits end.

It was really important that when we moved we would have fresh start, the dc's shared a room before.

We moved from an environment that was not good for the children and it made me very unhappy, its all changed now,and I am very happy but I am not sleeping and the dc's wont sleep in their own beds.

Justforlaughs Thu 25-Jul-13 18:49:47

I'm also sure that you aren't a terrible mum at all. Don't stress about what you said, either he deserved it (in which case don't stress over it) or he doesn't (in which case he will understand, so don't stress over it). Did you get hold of your DM? Was she any help? What did your DP say? Does he agree with your assessment of his father? (hug) and a wine

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 18:51:54

Bless you, you do sound so stressed out. I bet you are not a terrible mother at all. Does your DH stand up to his father for you? It's grim to feel stressed and dictated to in your own home.

<manly pat on shoulder>

BridgetBidet Thu 25-Jul-13 18:53:09

You're not a rubbish parent you're just letting someone bully you. You're having a hard time at the moment and he's exploiting that weakness to make you feel bad. They need to give you space as a family.

You should pick you battles though, and really, I don't think the one about the shoes is worth it in the big scheme of things.

What kind of aspects of your parenting is he questioning?

Justforlaughs Thu 25-Jul-13 18:53:09

As for the "not sleeping", it will take a while for you all to settle in. I remember when we moved to this house. We had a 6mo, 1.10yo, 3.2yo and an 8 yo. The 8 yo settled in quite quickly, but the others were a nightmare for a bit. It was worth it though, everytime I remember where we used to live I am SO glad that we came here. Take one day at a time, the more you relax, the easier your DCs will find the adjustment. I hope your sciatica improves soon

McNewPants2013 Thu 25-Jul-13 18:53:36

Why not allow the DC continue to share.

As a big surprise my mum gave me my own room, it took her all day to rearrange the whole house but I hated it I missed the company at night.

I am sure once you have settled and the also the children things will be a little easier.

As for FIL, just nod agree then ignore.

I am sure you are a good mother.

trinity0097 Thu 25-Jul-13 18:58:15

I think you are being unreasonable about the shoes, unless they are very dirty. Many people do not want to get their feet out and/or don't like the idea of walking around with their smelly feet out. Although we rarely wear shoes at home I never demand that visitors do the same, if they chose to take off their shoes that's fine, but I don't ask.

bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 19:04:26

Trinity it is a brand new house with light beige carpets, we hyave just moved in, I pre -warned everyone before we moved in no shoes, and they could bring socks, slippers etc.

I would not ask other wise but think ianbu on this sorry.

bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 19:05:22

But do appreciate your thoughts though Trinity, thanks.

Secretswitch Thu 25-Jul-13 19:07:43

Ohhh Bless! Here is a big hug for you! Your FIL sounds like a bully. Can ou not enlist your dh to intervene? You are NOT a bad mum! You have little one's that require care and attention. Pain can cause all sorts of mood issues and certainly exhaustion. Please try to get some rest. Can dh assist with the children so you can go to bed early or have a lie in?
Btw, we are a no shoes in the house people too. We do it for comfort ( although are guests can do whatever makes them happy) We take shoes off at relative's home for cultural reasons..

Justforlaughs Thu 25-Jul-13 19:08:43

Bloody hell OP, you have light beige carpets and young children - good luck with that wink, forget the FIL's shoes!
(I make guests take their shoes off when they come into my living room btw! grin)

I didn't realise that you had put the children into their own rooms straight away, let them sleep together as they are used to that until they settle into the new house.

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 19:14:44

You are probably knackered as well with you and the kids not sleeping. That always makes things twice as hard.

Dont blame you about the shoes and the carpets.

I hope your DH can stand up for his overbearing father on your behalf.

Don't be hard on yourself.

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 19:17:21

I had a house with brand new beige carpets once, I had a no shoe rule. But then everyone who took their shoes off and walked around with black socks on and I ended up with black fluff all over the shop which was a bugger to Hoover up. I am so pleased I live in a house with just floorboards now. I used to hate the pale carpets, I am a clumsy git and always spilled dark coloured things. If you can I would get the house scotch guarded, it really helps.

McNewPants2013 Thu 25-Jul-13 19:19:04

Op I think you are crazy with light coloured carpets and young children, no wonder there's a no shoe rule.

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 19:21:33

Well the OP probably didn't have much choice with the carpets, most places when redecorated have neutral carpets in.

bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 19:25:41

LeGarve you have hit the nail on the head, we had no choice with the carpets they were chosen for us, not my choice I promise.

But we have saved so hard for this house and our sanity and happiness for the children,compared to where we came from , I want to look after it, thank you for standing up for me.

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 19:34:08

I am glad you have got a happy home now compared to what you had before. I am sure your kids will get used to it soon and hopefully they will start sleeping. It's a shame that something you have saved so hard for and looked forward to is being marred by your fil's behaviour.

bluebellsinthewood Thu 25-Jul-13 20:56:18

LeGavr thank you if anyone had known what we went through before they would understand the stress I have had to get through.

We are very happy now , its just teething problems we are going though now but I can see light at the end of the tunnel it just seems some people meaning Fil is not happy for us it would seem.

I need to grow a backbone and learn to stick up for myself ,your words have really helped thank you so much for responding.

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 22:16:49

No problem, glad to have helped thanks hopefully your mum had some soothing words as well. Moving is so stressful, it's up there with divorce and bereavement as a whole family stress thing so no wonder it's been an upheaval.

Glad you're out of your horrible housing situation, I remember being in a grim flat with no heating and awful neighbours when dd was little, had to be 6 months before I could move and when I did I was so delighted with my new house!

Take care.

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