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to want people to stop shortening my name? (first world issues!)

(107 Posts)
lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Thu 25-Jul-13 14:02:39

I have a very traditional, slightly long name. Without specifically mentioning it, it's the name of a former British queen who wore black a lot.

So why, without me asking, do people feel the need to shorten it? It drives me mad. For the record, I have no problem with other people who choose to use said name. However, when I was at primary school (oh yes, it goes back that far) there was a girl who was actually called the short form and she was an absolute cow. Since then, I've really hated being called it.

What's worse, is now it's people in a business context doing it. I would never shorten someone's name unless there was an 'oh, please call me xxx' or they signed their emails that way.

AIBU to be irrationally irritated by this?

mrsspagbol Thu 25-Jul-13 14:36:56

Please put me out of my misery and private message me the name that sounds like cursed? My head is about to explode trying to figure that out confused

SelectAUserName Thu 25-Jul-13 14:39:59

mrsspagbol I assumed it was a name very similar to that of the actress who stars in the Twilight films but with a couple of the letters in a slightly different order...

x2boys Thu 25-Jul-13 14:42:41

I have a double barrel first name which I use not being arsey, its just what I have always been called. People will insist on calling me just the first name think Sarah -Jane[not that obviously] so i had student at work calling me Sarah for ages yesterday I just ignored him as I didn't think he was speaking to me he,s been there for six weeks ffs and I introduce myself as my full name I have had it for years now I think its rude but tbh I cant be bothered correcting people now

Twitterqueen Thu 25-Jul-13 14:42:57

Mrsravel does it begin with M and end with one of the 'e's?

It's a lovely name and that's why I won't let anyone shorten it! People only do it once...

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 25-Jul-13 14:47:21

People always, always shorten my name. I actually much prefer the long version but I've given up expecting people to use it because it's 3 syllables as opposed to 3 letters!

I shied away from long names for the dc precisely because I didn't want people to shorten their names. When it came to dc4 though, there was a particular name I was in love with and it has at least 3 shortened variations, one of which we really don't like and the other 2 we use ourselves. If he prefers to be known by his full name, then that's what we'll do. Will have to wait and see!

NoComet Thu 25-Jul-13 14:49:56

I've always been shortened and don't turn round for my full name, but I still got the rage when someone sent me a job rejection letter to short name, when I hadn't used it anywhere in the form.

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Thu 25-Jul-13 14:52:49

Vivacia On the assumption you're thinking of the two I think you are, there's actually a third which I quite like and those close to me call me. It also reflects my grandfather's nationality which I like.

LilyAmaryllis I agree with the perceived stuffyness of making people use the full version. The way I see it though, I wouldn't go up to someone and say 'oh, your name's <insert ostentatious/flouncy/dull/daft name here>? I don't like that so I'm going to call you <completely random name> instead'.

I have to say, I do quite like having a name that can be shortened as it suggests a familiarity with certain people, though I like it to be on my terms!

themaltesefalcon Thu 25-Jul-13 14:54:42

x2boys I have that problem, too. My name actually is the one you gave in your example. I have started to feel like a "Sarah" now and it makes me sad, because I prefer my longer, statelier, slightly rarer name.

Anja1Cam Thu 25-Jul-13 15:03:31

I'm sorry to say but it's a British problem :-) And it really really winds me up too so I feel for you OP!

I'd never experienced it before I moved here 20+ years ago.

Where I grew up (German speaking) all kids were called by their their full names, or the versions they presented themselves with, many of which had/have at least 3 syllables and several double-barrelled ones too. Now my own double-barrelled first name I accepted at dropping the second part - only my parents call me that and it's no big deal for me.

Now I've been quite careful when choosing my kids names so they can't be massacred grin and they do have proper middle names rather than hyphenated first names like me.

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 15:08:19

Is your husband called David perchance? wink

I don't mind at all when people shorten my name, I think it's friendly. But it's your name so you have the right to be called by the name you prefer.

People who get offended when people shorten their kids' names though irritate me no end. New flash annoying parent: It isn't your name to control, it's your child's.

LittleSporksBigSpork Thu 25-Jul-13 15:10:36

YANBU, it's quite rude to not use and/or edit a person's preferred name. Names are very personal, regardless of what country you live in.

olidusUrsus Thu 25-Jul-13 15:11:55

My cousin has a shorten-able name and does shorten it. But if you call him that infront of his mum, she gets really offended and shouts "it's LONG VERSION".

I've never met anyone who calls DSS longname either. It's on his school reports and looks really formal and weird.

But no YANBU, it's your name. Why not just tell them "sorry, no, it's longname not xx"? Nip it in the bud 'n' all.

olidusUrsus Thu 25-Jul-13 15:12:44

Ooh I just forgot! I have a shorten-able name! But IDC what anyone calls me, so it's somewhat of a mute point. As you were...

sonlypuppyfat Thu 25-Jul-13 15:15:21

I had a thread on this not too long ago I'm a Deborah who everyone wants to call Debbie agh I hate Debbie its so twee. Why people feel the urge to shorten names is beyond me its so rude.

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 15:17:28

I don't think it's rude, they probably have no clue that if offends you so much. It's only rude if they continue to call you Debbie once you've corrected them.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Thu 25-Jul-13 15:17:45

YANBU. I also have a queen's name. It drives me up the wall but when I meet new people I have to put such a massive effort into not coming across as odd that I let it go.

VianneFox Thu 25-Jul-13 15:18:52

I can see where you are coming from OP- you have a lovely name (I gave it to my daughter as a middle name) and it is far nicer than the typical shortened version. It would annoy me too!

ReadytoOrderSir Thu 25-Jul-13 15:20:02

My DCs have 3 syllable names that could be shortened. They will both be very firm and clear with anyone who tries it. DD in particular is good at the Death Stare while saying "My name is Xxxxxxxxxx" in a don't-mess-with-me-tone.

I'm a teacher and would never dream of altering the names of my pupils, yet it's her teachers who are the worst.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 25-Jul-13 15:31:07

YANBU to get annoyed if people don't call you by your proper name.

YABU to call it a first world issue. So people who are from other areas don't care what they are called??

SideshoBob Thu 25-Jul-13 15:35:52

It's a bit precious to get particularly worked up by it really. Generally its people being friendly and less formal when they shorten names, I doubt most people even think of it. Fair enough if ask people (nicely of course) to use the longer name and they don't but most people aren't trying to offend, most people do have shortened names after all.

Whitershadeofpale Thu 25-Jul-13 15:37:19

Re: the cursed name.

Think of the first names of Alley, Allsop, Young, Gallacher. But spelt it a y ending.

In fact by name is that and then -Anne, so it doubley annoys me to be referred to as cursed angry

mrsravelstein Thu 25-Jul-13 15:43:45

twitterqueen (or may i call you twitty?) yes!!

ILoveAFullFridge Thu 25-Jul-13 15:44:07

I knew a teacher who insisted on calling all the children by their full names, even if nobody else ever used them. It really annoyed many of us (including the children) and I was soooo tempted to address her by the nickname form of her own name, rather than Mrs Xxxx. See how she liked it! But decided to rise above it because children need to see their teacher treated with respect. She was, in all other ways, an excellent teacher.

IShallCallYouSquishy Thu 25-Jul-13 16:12:27

I have a short name so not really a problem for me, however it annoys the hell out my sister. Hers is a longer name which is very commonly shortened and she has so many people assume that's what she wants to be known as. She always corrects them but finds it very annoying she had to tell people that her name is her actual name.

MmeGuillotine Thu 25-Jul-13 16:31:53

I hate it too. People frequently shorten my name to one that I absolutely loathe (I'm not at all keen on my given name either to be fair but it's a smidge better than the usual shortened version). I get that they're just trying to be friendly or whatever though so try not to get all snappy about it. I do tend to think repeat offenders that I've gently reiterated my full name at are being a little bit rude if they continue to use the shortened version however.

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