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To not understand couples who can't go anywhere without each other

(186 Posts)
arabesque Thu 25-Jul-13 13:45:32

It's nice to see couples who are close and share lots of interest. But sometimes it can go a bit far. I have a friend and if you want to meet up with her you have to accept that her DP is going to come too; even if it's just 'the girls' meeting up for a chat.
Every Christmas in work there are arguments and sulks regarding whether or not partners can come to the office party with one girl refusing to attend if her husband can't come as well!

AIBU to just not get why some couples cannot have any kind of separate life, separate friends or separate interests?

Morgause Thu 25-Jul-13 13:47:05

I'll just nip and ask DH what we think. grin

Seriously, we'd drive each other crazy if we were joinedatthehip.


Twirlyhot Thu 25-Jul-13 13:47:12

Some people want to always be together. They have to accept that that means they won't always be invited/able to go to events.

BridgetBidet Thu 25-Jul-13 13:47:55

I understand the work party thing. TBH they are normally not much fun anyway and it's a lot better if you can take someone you know you will have a laugh with.

arabesque Thu 25-Jul-13 13:49:43

I have to say, I disagree re the work party. It totally changes the dynamic if partners are there having to be looked after, not getting the 'in' jokes between colleagues etc. The parties where the partners are not invited are usually the more relaxed, 'everyone letting their hair down' ones.

CaptainSweatPants Thu 25-Jul-13 13:49:52

Oh yes I have a friend like this

She also has joint email & fb accounts hmm

Samu2 Thu 25-Jul-13 13:50:06

How long have they been together, OP?

Me and DH were like that for the first 18 months.

7 years later and we are no longer that way grin

Nomoredramaplease Thu 25-Jul-13 13:50:19

I don't go out socialising without my DH very much. We are fairly skint so our evenings out are very much planned in advance and if I'm going out on a very rare occasions I would prefere to go with DH who is my best friend. Plus we enjoy each others company and don't get to spend a lot of time as a couple without the DC.

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 13:50:56


I don't understand people like this either, unhealthily co-dependant. Why would someone's husband want or feel the need to come along to a girls meet up?

CaptainSweatPants Thu 25-Jul-13 13:51:01

Agree with arabesque
Friend I mentioned earlier was the only one who bought her Dh to work do

Guess who everyone felt they had to make polite conversation to

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 25-Jul-13 13:51:08

I went to a school summer fete with my sil a couple of months ago, and she wouldn't have an ice cream as her dh wasn't there, and apparently it wasn't fair if she had one and he didn't confused

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 13:52:22

I absolutely love spending time with dp. Most of our interests are the same as well so we do tonnes together.

However, I don't tag along to his work do's (apart from the family day in the summer). And he doesn't tag along when I have things to do with friends.

arabesque Thu 25-Jul-13 13:52:38

Ok I'm going to start laughing now IneedA [grin}

AKissIsNotAContract Thu 25-Jul-13 13:52:46

YANBU. It's all a bit co dependent

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 13:53:00

YANBU. Once met a couple on holiday. Married 50 years, been together since age 14 and they were like Siamese twins. The day he disappeared for ten minutes on an excursion she was beside herself with anxiety. Didn't seem a healthy way to live to me.

WilsonFrickett Thu 25-Jul-13 13:53:22

As a partner who is expected to attend her DH's Christmas party, YANBU. There is very little I find less boring than sitting with DH's staff talking about random <insert name of business here> stuff. Although the year his direct report kept telling me how lazy my DH was and how he really did all the work - while drinking my incredibly expensive bottle of hotel wine - really did make it all worthwhile.

It's important to DH so I go, but it's tedious, completely agree with OP that work dos are more fun when it's just the workers.

WillieWaggledagger Thu 25-Jul-13 13:53:32

god i wouldn't inflict my work dos on dp!

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 13:54:00

What do these people do when their partner dies?

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 25-Jul-13 13:54:24

Exactly arabesque didn't know whether shock or grin was a better response! He's a grown man in his 30s ffs, I'm sure he'd manage!

StuntGirl Thu 25-Jul-13 13:55:48

Christ yoni. I'd have had to force feed her the damn ice cream grin

<wants ice cream now>

Groovee Thu 25-Jul-13 13:55:54

Dh and I have a lot of time apart because of his job but we still have separate nights out and activities. But I do like to be with him when he is here. My friend's husband died suddenly last year and I don't ever want to think "I wish we'd done that together.." and so on. But I would have an ice cream without him.

hiddenhome Thu 25-Jul-13 13:57:21

Aw, me and dh like to do a lot of stuff together, but we do things separately as well.

Titsalinabumsquash Thu 25-Jul-13 13:58:02

Meh, I do everything with DP, we like each others company and have the same friends, I don't see the big deal. We're not the sort of people who do the whole girls or boys night out, we ave friends of both sexes so don't understand the need to socialise with groups depending on genitalia. I know it's not for everyone though.

doingthesplitz Thu 25-Jul-13 13:59:24

YANBU. We have neighbours like that. Where you see one, you will always see the other. They can't even go to the supermarket separately, play squash together on a Tuesday night, do night classes together, go to the local together every Saturday and sit on their own in a corner. They even work together for the same organisation. I don't know how they still have anything left to say to each other.

And I agree that people who whinge and whine about wanting to bring partners to work dos are a pain. Everyone just segregates off into couples and the normal dynamic disappears. When I was single I found it doubly annoying as you ended up feeling like a gooseberry at your own work party.

AaDB Thu 25-Jul-13 13:59:48

This gets on my baps. I have a friend that won't go anywhere without her OH. We socialise in a mixed group a lot of the time and mix well with (most) partners. On the odd occasion we agree to go out with just a few women, it is usually to talk something over or discuss a major event. When she brings her partner to this type of thing, she wastes my rare evening out. Her partner is hard work and doesn't mix. Even if he was the best company in the world, I wouldn't want him there if we are meeting up as close friends. If she is going to spend the night talking exclusively to her OH, she should just have a date night instead.

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