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To think that working mums are lucky for dont have to arrange or go to playdates?

(62 Posts)
Summernow Wed 24-Jul-13 22:53:35

My DD is 3 and is my only child and despite going to nursery every day I feel ver gilty for dont socialize more and provide more playdates for her...the point is... for me is very difficult to spend some hours with stranges trying to have a good time, its not natural, they are not my friends, Im there only for my child and I want to run away sometimes arghhh ... What else should I do socialize her that dont involve aranged playdates?

DingbatsFur Wed 24-Jul-13 22:55:13

Surely if she is going to nursery then she is already hanging out with kids her own age? Seriously don't sweat it.

SirBoobAlot Wed 24-Jul-13 22:56:36

Just take her to the park? Kids make friends within seconds at that age.

FreudiansSlipper Wed 24-Jul-13 22:56:42

with a few friends we have wine makes it far more enjoyable smile have made a few really good friends

FreudiansSlipper Wed 24-Jul-13 22:57:31

and don't worry ds did not start doing this until he went to school and he is an only child too

GinAndaDashOfLime Wed 24-Jul-13 22:58:29

She is being socialised by going to nursery! So don't worry - enjoy your time with her doing what you want to do with her. And by the time they start school parents don't usually stay for play dates, just drop off and pick up later - so only 2 years to go! smile

LegoCaltrops Wed 24-Jul-13 23:04:18

I work part time. Can't afford to send DD to nursery though. DH is in college (so zero income) & we have to sort childcare between us, which is why I work part time. No playdates for her. You are very lucky to have the choice.

BackforGood Wed 24-Jul-13 23:11:10

Nobody has to do these "playdates".
Millions of children over thousands of years have grown to adulthood very nicely without such things.
If you are not enjoying it, then don't go.

curlew Wed 24-Jul-13 23:13:56

Another of those "oh, I have nothing in common with other "mothers" " threads. I do wish people would get over themselves!

All you have to do is have a bit of a chat over a cup of tea for an hour or so.

JassyRadlett Wed 24-Jul-13 23:24:32

Yep, instead we miss out on the chance to meet new people with whom we might form friendships, and neglect friendships with other mother friends because we don't have as many chances to get together with our kids.

It takes a hell of a lot of effort to maintain/consolidate friendships with kids they're not at nursery with, particularly when you'd quite like to nurture the friendship because you get on with the parents.

Mine's only little still, I'm dreading later nursery and school for this side of things. Lucky me, though.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jul-13 23:26:21

Yeah, lucky that when you are working there isnt time for these things and you are constantly having to say "No, mummy will be at work"

Really lucky. hmm

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jul-13 23:27:14

Btw I am a SAHM at the mo, so no axe to grind in the WOHM v SAHM debate!

Gossipmonster Wed 24-Jul-13 23:28:21

I was thinking how lucky I was while at work today (single parent no "choice") to be missing my DS2s leavers assembly hmm.

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Jul-13 23:29:43

I hate all this play date shit

I survived perfectly well growing up with parents who didn't feel the need to organise and get involved in my social life (as did most kids in the 70's/80's)

My 3 DC have also survived without me faking friendships on their behalf.

If they want a friend to come over and play, I speak to the parent or they speak to me and we arrange for the kids to play.

Job done.

curlew Wed 24-Jul-13 23:34:26

Playdate is a horrible word- it's just friends coming to tea. But they still need organising, sadly. Particularly since I've been on Mumsnet and discovered subtleties that in 17 years of parenthood have passed me by! Who knew, for example, that asking somebody at school pickup if their child could come round that same evening was a social gaffe?

cestlavielife Wed 24-Jul-13 23:34:27

She is already going to nursery. She sees other kids.
You don't have to go to any playdates at all. No One is forcing you....

What's working got to do with it ? You can arrange playdates when not working. It is a way of making friends. or at least getting to know people on a kind of colleague type basis...

But if you don't want or need friends who are parents as well that is your choice....

But think longer term.., when your dc is older and when you might like to swap baby sitting or something. Making friends or people you can talk to like at work business relationship is v important as time goes by and you need to find out what the home work is or share a lift or is a long term investment.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jul-13 23:36:49

Curlew Just came back to ask "When did it become playdate?"

When I was a kid it was "going to X's for tea" and there was the inevitable "But we didnt have tea, we had dinner!" because my mother had middle class pretensions that were at odds with where we lived, so we were a BLD family, and every one else was a BDT family grin

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jul-13 23:38:54

Sorry, to explain further..... tea was a cold/light meal so sarnies etc. If we were going somewhere "for tea" then we would have a cooked lunch to make sure we had one cooked meal a day.

curlew Wed 24-Jul-13 23:41:49

Bogeyface- I'ma BLD person too- and can only use the word "tea" for an evening meal if it has a silent "nursery" in front of it. I might even pause infinitesimally to allow room for it..........

Turniptwirl Wed 24-Jul-13 23:43:47

My mum is still friends with some of the women she met through me and my dsis as kids, both early years and school friends

softlysoftly Wed 24-Jul-13 23:44:35

I'm a working mum and I still do a Friday "playdate" do IgeSoa shiny?

Either don't do it or try and enjoy it. I find organising to go out without children and adding in wine held smile

Nursery is enough. Just enjoy your 1:1 time outside of that.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jul-13 23:50:12

I can say Tea, but only ONLY if lunch was a cooked meal! Its lunch that is non negotiable grin

BuildMeUpButtercup Wed 24-Jul-13 23:54:14

I'm a SAHM, and I don't feel the need for playdates. Seriously, at the age of 3, why on earth do they need playdates at home? Why give yourself that pressure if you're not that bothered about them?! confused
At the age of 3 I'm assuming they go to toddler groups once a week and socialise with lots of other kids their own there. If not, take them to one.
During the holidays when the toddler groups stop, take them to the local soft play centre.
At that age they happily play with anyone of their own peer group. They're still socializing, and still getting out and about meeting new friends.

curlew Wed 24-Jul-13 23:58:32

Why on earth is it "pressure" to have a friend round to play?

SummerHoliDidi Thu 25-Jul-13 00:03:59

I work term times, I LOVE being able to arrange 'playdates' during the holidays. We tend not to have them at my house because it's a complete mess it's a little small, but we have a couple of friends who have cleaner bigger houses and a few of us can get together there. It's a social event for me rather than for dd2 (dd1 is big enough to organise her own social life), dd2 couldn't care less.

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