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To never buy my DP a present again?

(56 Posts)
Booboostoo Wed 24-Jul-13 22:43:58

I quite like a family tradition of giving and receiving gifts so DP and I have always given each other surprise gifts for Christmas and our birthdays. The monetary value of the gift does not bother me at all, more the thought behind it, and I honestly enjoy the giving bit a lot (I think about possible gifts long and hard, plan out the surprise, and enjoy seeing DP enjoy receiving them).

Last year was DP's 40th and as he always likes openning a lot of presents I got 18 of them and arranged them around our bed before I woke him up. Two were 'proper' presents and the rest were small things, little jokes, etc. He had a great time tearing the miles of wraping paper all over the bed.

This year it was my 40th. DP got me 7 lie-in vouchers. Now this is a sore point for a number of reasons. I do all the early mornings (weekdays and weekends) and even if DP is doing something with DD, I get up to get her washed, fed, dressed, etc. DP only sorts himself out in the mornings. As you can imagine this is a sore point in our relationship and we have argued about it in the past. So I feel like he has gifted me something that he should be doing anyway. Also, 7 is a pityful number. If he was to really make amends he could have gifted me 52 lie-ins so we could have one each every weekend. I haven't used any of the vouchers as frankly they piss me off.

So, would I be unreasonable never to buy him a present again? I enjoy our family tradition and don't want to give up on it, but I can't quite motivate myself to think about Christmas this year.

Joiningthegang Wed 24-Jul-13 22:45:28

What an arse

Joiningthegang Wed 24-Jul-13 22:47:21

On reflection he is even worse - he effectively just gave himself 357 lie in vouchers
His Xmas gift - iron 3 shirts and say you will cook 3 meals
I don't like him

SmallSherryforMedicinal Wed 24-Jul-13 22:48:42

There would be words chez moi.

(If I was in a normal situ, which I'm not).

HumphreyCobbler Wed 24-Jul-13 22:48:53

I would be pretty pissed off at this. What on earth did you say at the time?

I can see if people do not have a tradition of gift giving, but as you do have a tradition he really should have made a effort for your 40th birthday.

I also would be insisting that he did some mornings at the weekend without mentioning the bloody vouchers.

aturtlenamedmack Wed 24-Jul-13 22:49:13

Bollocks to never buying him a present again.
Stop getting out of bed on a weekend, just lay there until he gets up.
Also, take his card and buy yourself whatever you would have liked to have received.
Then kick him in the knackers.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 24-Jul-13 22:49:44

joiningthegang - brilliant idea

Bringmewineandcake Wed 24-Jul-13 22:51:07

Oh dear - here have some wine and flowers and even a crown off me!
It is awful when you're a birthday person and your DH just doesn't get it. I always put loads of effort into my DH's presents and birthday as a whole, and Christmas, and he just...doesn't. Every time it's the same, you say to yourself to not get your hopes up but you can't help it.
Is there any chance he has an outing / proper gift saved up for later on? If not, take yourself off out shopping, get some treats and make it very clear that they are your birthday presents to yourself..he should get the hint.

myroomisatip Wed 24-Jul-13 22:51:09


Booboostoo Wed 24-Jul-13 22:53:17

I did express my disappointment at the time. He said he thought of the vouchers because I am always asking for a lie-in angry and that I am difficult to buy for because I always put so much thought into the presents I get him and they are so good hmm

Good idea joiningthegang though I don't do ironing on principle! Can I give him one voucher for a blow job?

fabergeegg Wed 24-Jul-13 22:54:21

He does sound a bit crap. But why are you getting up? You're spoiling him. You need to develop some crippling pain that only strikes on Sunday mornings.

I would buy him presents I would enjoy - box sets, national trust membership, love film membership, music by people you know he'll love as soon as listens (because you do), meal for two vouchers (actual vouchers to actual restaurants), spa weekend for two, clothes you'd like him to wear, beautiful drawings/photos of your children (because you'd like to have them)...the sky's the limit.

Booboostoo Wed 24-Jul-13 22:54:30

Bringmewineandcake my birthday was in March so that boat has sailed! I was just thinking about this today because of a thread on another forum and because I can't motivate myself about his Christmas present.

Booboostoo Wed 24-Jul-13 22:55:34

I get up because DD (2yo) gets up, the horses need checking (my hobby, my problem), the dogs/cat need feeding/walking (apparently they do not), etc.

runningonwillpower Wed 24-Jul-13 22:56:46

For Christmas I'd get him a 'your opportunity to peel the sprouts' voucher.

MagicHouse Wed 24-Jul-13 22:57:11

Can I give him one voucher for a blow job? haha - far too generous.... give him 7 vouchers for cleaning the loo.

EBearhug Wed 24-Jul-13 22:58:02

Can I give him one voucher for a blow job?

No. Make him do something to earn points that will count towards a voucher for a blow job.

Booboostoo Wed 24-Jul-13 23:00:14

A reward chart towards a blow job? With about 365 lie-in stars?

Cleaning the 'loo'? What is that? How will he find it? His pee never seems to find it!

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 24-Jul-13 23:00:36

Wow. That is so shit. What a thoughtless, selfish idiot.

aturtlenamedmack Wed 24-Jul-13 23:00:45

His excuse makes it worse if anything.
He acknowledges that you makes loads of effort and uses it as a reason not to make any for you.
That combined with the fact that you are expected to do every early without question makes me think that he is a selfish prick and that he needs a bigger kick up the arse than just no pressies!

rootypig Wed 24-Jul-13 23:04:10

I would be raging! Surely as co parents you should split the lie ins equally?

Re presents - DH is virtually a Jehovah's Witness when it comes to birthdays. He just puts no effort in at all. In my big family, you were always fussed over and spoilt on your birthday, it was your day, out if the rest of the year's mayhem. I also love Christmas, Easter, the lot. I really struggle to accept DH not making occasions special, and the irony that I make so much effort that's wasted on him is not lost.

My solution? Buy him things that are pretty much for me, organise what I fancy. His recent 30th was a night in a delightful hotel, dinner and champagne, I enjoyed it enormously grin

Plus what joining and turtle* said

MagicHouse Wed 24-Jul-13 23:04:12

A reward chart towards a blow job? With about 365 lie-in stars?

perfect - present sorted grin

Joiningthegang Wed 24-Jul-13 23:04:57

Blowjob voucher? No chance

Cup of tea voucher more like

MagicHouse Wed 24-Jul-13 23:06:05

My solution? Buy him things that are pretty much for me, organise what I fancy. His recent 30th was a night in a delightful hotel, dinner and champagne, I enjoyed it enormously grin

or this - fantastic idea!

BuildMeUpButtercup Wed 24-Jul-13 23:07:43

Looking at it from his point of view, maybe he thought he was getting you something he knew you're really like.
He'll have thought "I have no idea what to get her. What kind of things would she like most of all now? I know, the chance of a few lie ins and me getting up and doing everything!"
Admittedly, only 7 is crap. He should be doing that ANYWAY. The thought of what you'd like is there, though!
He had a think and came up with what he thought you'd like.
LTB is a bloody ridiculous,knee jerk MN reaction.

MagicHouse Wed 24-Jul-13 23:07:52

seriously though - I would hand him back his vouchers and say you want a proper thoughtful present, and that is not good enough for your 40th.

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