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To be really embarrassed about state of my house after friends visiting?

(82 Posts)
ComeTalkToMe Wed 24-Jul-13 22:38:10

Just that really... I live with my DH and 19 month old DD. We had another couple over tonight and they picked me up from work so we all came in at the same time.

Seeing my house through other's eyes I noticed how messy it is. We're about to decorate our living room so it looked particularly bad but in general the house looked bad.

I don't know how to get on top of this, it's not unlivable or really dirty, just messy. I've said to DH I'm not comfortable to have anyone else round until we have a much tidier house. He disagrees - AIBU?

Also any tips on getting organised/ tidy in a house with two naturally disorganised, working people?

Clearlymisunderstood Wed 24-Jul-13 22:40:31

I felt like this until recently. We decorated about 3 months ago and have been sticking to new mantras of "never leave a room empty handed" and "don't just put something down, put it away"
Honestly two simple things that have made me feel much more organised and got rid of all of the clutter which was making everywhere look messy!

Cherriesarelovely Wed 24-Jul-13 22:47:25

I could've written this! I am constantly embarrassed by my house. I feel such an idiot saying this because everyone I know (well most people) seem to be able to maintain a level of organisation in their homes which I just can't seem to manage. Plus it seems as if it comes naturally to them! I really think there is something wrong with me. The clutter just seems to breed. I have one room besides the bathroom that I am not embarrassed by. Ugh. I can't blame my Dd or Dp because they are tidier than me!

MusicalEndorphins Wed 24-Jul-13 22:48:58

Perhaps you need some storage? What is making it look messy? Books, papers, toys, stuff?

Onwardsandsideways Wed 24-Jul-13 22:52:37

I also used to feel like this, and DH made it worse by complaining that "everyone else has tidy houses", which really peed me off - until I realised that he only ever saw other people's houses when they're 'dinner party tidy' (you know - all the shit's been stuffed in cupboards/chucked on beds behind closed doors etc) and never saw the living rooms covered in toys/general chaos that goes with having a family! Now when (new) friends come round I just say "excuse the squalor" and the general reply is "mine's the same"! So don't worry, most (normal, busy) families have houses full of stuff, and friends are coming to see you, not judge your housekeeping! smile

BeaWheesht Wed 24-Jul-13 22:59:27

I think quite a few people think this. I know I do. Our problem is toys and paperwork. We're getting a cupboard built this weekend to hide it all help.

Also what's helped me is decluttering and selling stuff on Facebook / eBay. It helped to making money from tidying!

ComeTalkToMe Wed 24-Jul-13 23:03:35

Thanks, at least I'm not alone. I think storage is an issue, there are toys everywhere, paperwork all about and buggy, trike etc in the hall!

There's also generally washing waiting to be dried, put away etc. Feels like we need a system as things don't have a home. Time, as always, is an issue but I know I could make time it just feels insurmountable!

Shellywelly1973 Wed 24-Jul-13 23:07:53

I've been like this for 9 nearly 10 years, ever since we moved in to this house. Ive redecorated 3 times. But i hate this house.

My dp chose the furniture in the living room& its awful, no really really cringy awful.

All over the house its the same. A mess, unfinished. Diy jobs, Im deeply embarressed by my house. I never never invite anyone round, ever. Not even family. Ive never invited a mum round from school for coffee or done play dates for the dc. We dont have birthday partys. Its really sad. My Dd has just finished primary school!

I've wanted to move for the last 8 years!

Cherriesarelovely Wed 24-Jul-13 23:11:12

Yes, storage is definitely an issue for me. The thing is it gets so bad I sort of give up rather than properly tackling it. I think this will be a task for me this summer. I hate feeling too embarrassed to have people over.

dontlaugh Wed 24-Jul-13 23:13:19

2 working parent = a cleaner. Otherwise who does it?? And why work if there isn't at least some small payback? (Someone else cleaning the toilet).

ComeTalkToMe Wed 24-Jul-13 23:14:26

ShelleyWelley it's hard isn't it? We've managed to save some money to do living room and I hope it will spur me on to keep it tidy. Will try to make sure there's some space for storage. I'm scared I'll get it wrong though and it will still look shit and be cluttered.

Thanks for suggestions those that have made them and thanks for reassurance to those that have given that!

Onwardsandsideways Wed 24-Jul-13 23:14:36

Aww Shelly that's really sad - but I totally know how you feel. I find having one room reasonable-ish helps (mind you we've only got one "reception" room anyway) and just shut the bedroom doors on the rest of the mess...and you could always use the "its the maid's day off" joke to break the ice!

ComeTalkToMe Wed 24-Jul-13 23:16:09

dontlaugh I agree, and have now got DH to agree but I feel it needs to be tidy and with places for things before it's worth getting a cleaner. What do you think?

titzup Wed 24-Jul-13 23:18:15

mine's hideous most of the time but I blitz it erratically and before people visit (i always like notice grin ). My tactic is to go round scooping all the 'stuff' into bags/a box/a corner, clean everything, and then go through the box, putting away correctly or chucking away.

FaddyPeony Wed 24-Jul-13 23:21:18

Try not to feel bad OP. Lots of people find it hard to keep a lid on the mess - we do, definitely. Problem is definitely storage here too but since we're renting it's hard to justify spending loads on storage that mightn't work in whatever house we do eventually buy.

My DD is 18 months and honestly for the first year of her life, probably for the first 15 months actually, the house was a disgusting pigsty. And I have less of an excuse because I work from home. Slowly getting a grip on things now. Once DD's bedroom was cleared I felt much better about things, I hated putting her to bed in a room full of jumble. MIL came to stay last weekend and I was feeling smug because every room in the house was neat and clean...except for mine and DH's bedroom. Our bedroom was a disgrace, clothes everywhere but I just thought, ah, MIL won't be coming in here. She did though, to say goodnight to DD when I was towelling her off after a bath sad

FaddyPeony Wed 24-Jul-13 23:23:15

I can make my house look very presentable too if I have an hour's notice, titzup smile But when people show up uninvited or call to say 'am passing your place, can I come in?' I actually want to cry sometimes.

Shellywelly1973 Wed 24-Jul-13 23:23:32

The problem is we only have a living room room& Im so embarressed by it. It needs decorating...again. I keep it clean &tidy but its not a comfortable room to sit in. All the furniture is too big&ugly!

No one goes into the bedrooms, they are a disgrace. There are 6 of us in a 4 bedroomed house. Too much crap. Im the only one who does anything. Dp chose& dd21are bow idle & dirty gits, neither of them care!

dontlaugh Wed 24-Jul-13 23:28:53

Storage is key, as everyone here has said. My own tuppence worth is we tried all the "cheap" solutions, Ikea, Argos, you name it. We moved to our 'forever' house, bit the bullet, and hired a carpenter to build storage to fit. The only way. I paid him monthly, to ease cost of it, and he agreed to that.
Only way. DH sat down and drew plans to fit space (its his profession, kinda) so we knew what to ask for.
Cleaner every 2 weeks also and lots of throwing out/decluttering/recycling every 6 months.
Have a hoarder DH but luckily he married a hard assed bitch wink with no heart (quote from him). Voila, tidy house!

ComeTalkToMe Wed 24-Jul-13 23:33:28

I do feel better even just saying it, it might seem silly but I really got quite upset. Not that they said or did anything to make me feel like that but I can't help think they must think I'm lazy or something.

I think we should work through a room at atime working out where things should live and putting them there!!

FaddyPeony yeah when there's no notice I think aaaaaaarrrrgghhh! I tell DH our lives would be less stressy if the house was generally tidy!

FaddyPeony Wed 24-Jul-13 23:45:17

Good advice don'tlaugh. I hope we can do the same when we're in our forever home.

Notcontent Wed 24-Jul-13 23:53:23

Well, my house is tidy at the moment, BUT I am a bit depressed about how much effort it takes. And having a cleaner doesn't necessarily help because they can't deal with stuff like paperwork...

It's the usual culprits - piles of paperwork; clean laundry to put away; children's toys, art works, etc; kitchen.

Living in a terrace house makes it worse - taking stuff up and down, up and down...

ComeTalkToMe Wed 24-Jul-13 23:57:57

Notcontent I fear if I ever do get tidy, I'll find it a huge effort... But it does seem to come very naturally to some people doesn't it?

NayFindus Thu 25-Jul-13 00:04:21

Same here Come Talk but we're getting on top of it now. We've put our 2 book cases in the garage because we needed storage there and put up 6 large shelves in the living room. The wood was from a builders merchant, not a chain store so £13 for six 116cm by 23cm planks and they're on metal twin slot brackets so nice and strong and adjustable. Dds toys are in large plastic boxes underneath. We've emptied cupboards and rooms of everything we don't use - toys, bedding, clothes, towels - and are binning, selling or donating it all. Good luck smile

lessonsintightropes Thu 25-Jul-13 01:19:58

We are messy too smile I think for us it's about not having really lived in the house long enough (18 months, but with the distraction of a wedding and DH being unwell for a while) to really understand exactly how we need to live in it, and therefore adapt it accordingly, such as sorting out additional storage etc. The website Houzz has some great inspiration on easier ways to keep your house tidy - look at the housekeeping thread - but I think structural issues like enough cupboards and things having a specific place also help.

TalkativeJim Thu 25-Jul-13 01:24:10


Mine's a pit too, mind you. Am going to look at that houzz site now.

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