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Would I be unreasonable to say no to this wedding request, or should I grit my teeth and try?

(206 Posts)
babybearsmummy Mon 22-Jul-13 10:53:26

I'm a cake baker by trade, but since the end of my pregnancy I decided to cut my workload down and only bake for family and friends occasions.

My friend got engaged a year ago and one of the 1st things she did was call to ask me to make her wedding cake and I was very excited for her, especially when we'd get a few mins here and there to plan it.

2 weeks after asking me, she emailed me to say that she and her fiancée had decided to go with another cake maker as her fiancée's family had always used that company for their special occasions and her o.h had presumed they would just have that company. I was futted but thought it was their day so no point getting upset.

She messaged me yesterday in a state as the wedding is on Friday and her the company has pulled out of making their cake last week. I've called my suppliers this morning but they can't get everything I need sorted until Wednesday at the earliest, leaving me with just a few hours on weds evening and Thursday evening to make it. I don't have anyone to look after dd as my o.h is working til 7pm this week and his parents are not well and there's no one else close to have her. And I don't think I'd want her to be away all day for 2 days as it's not fair on her (if I'd even get it finished in 2 days as I'd originally planned 4-5 days to get it all done)

So would I be really horrible and unreasonably selfish to say no to her? Or should I just try to get something together for her in the space of those 2 evenings? WWYD?

Boosiehs Mon 22-Jul-13 12:26:15

You have to pre-order M&S - 21 days.

I had one for my wedding and it was delicious! smile

I'd say no if it was going to overstress you.

If you thought you could do a simple sponge cake and it woudln't be too stressy, AND it was for a v close friend I would do it.

magicstars Mon 22-Jul-13 12:32:13

If she's a good friend & provided she's able to babysit, I'd do it. But a simple version that won't take you ages. Then lap up the thank you's in the speech & feel like a star for saving the day. You probably won't regret helping your friend out long term.

FryOneFatManic Mon 22-Jul-13 12:32:25

I agree that you should politely explain it's not doable in the time frame.

Unless the company is going down the pan, there has to be a lot more behind the reason they've pulled out of doing this cake.

Don't put your reputation on the line, because if anyone complains about the cake you make, it'll be your fault, with no mention of the last minute miracle you produced.

jidelgin Mon 22-Jul-13 12:42:12

YANBU - teeth gritting is a mugs game! I'm w FryOneFatManic if it goes the way of the pear it could end badly for you.

SuperiorCat Mon 22-Jul-13 12:43:06

What FryOne said

JADS Mon 22-Jul-13 12:44:59

Don't do. Tell her to get herself to M&S or Waitrose. She will need to order it now though.

Maybe you could do her some icing decs as a compromise?

magesticmallow Mon 22-Jul-13 12:46:49

So she called you to ask you but then emailed you to dump you? - I would have thought that at least warranted a phone call.

I would say No, because as someone else pointed out it is your reputation at stake here, plus you'll be under huge pressure.

Out of a matter of interest, are you going to the wedding? - Just to judge how close you are really

trixymalixy Mon 22-Jul-13 12:50:46

If it was a really close friend then I'd do it.

I'd just do something very simple though. Sponge cake rather than traditional fruit cake.

IvanaCake Mon 22-Jul-13 12:53:31

Would she be paying you for it, or is she expecting a freebie?

I would do it but charge extra, tell her the design will have to be modified and she will have to come look after your dc so you can get it done in time.

FryOneFatManic Mon 22-Jul-13 12:56:08

The things that got me thinking were that the company apparently pulled out of making the cake last week, but the OP only got asked yesterday.

Has the friend been asking others, who all said not possible to do what she wants in the timescale?

Or has it been that the friend has assumed that of course the OP would pull a miracle out the hat and produce a fantastic professional cake in the minimal time available.

diddl Mon 22-Jul-13 13:11:02

Oh, and she messaged??

didn't pick up the phone, or better still get off her arse & come crawling on hands & knees to ask in person?

wigglesrock Mon 22-Jul-13 13:14:50

No, I wouldn't do it. I mean it's all very well saying just do a simple one but at the end of the day this is what you're good at - you have a reputation. Will it be worthy your while to do a cake that somebody may be less than complimentary about, because you hadn't enough time etc, through no fault of your own. I'd be wary.

It's really not as simple as nipping to Tescos for a few ingredients. It'll cost you a fortune, you'll have to bring your daughter shopping etc.

As another poster said its up to the original cake maker to sort this out.

mirry2 Mon 22-Jul-13 13:14:53

Mybe it's because I live in london butin my M&S, there are wedding tiers, pillars etc for sale on the shelf (no ordering).

aldiwhore Mon 22-Jul-13 13:15:53

If she's a very good friend then why would you not try to find a compromise?

She cannot have what she wants at such short notice, but she can look after your child for the day whilst you do most of the graft, then your wedding gift to her is a couple of very late nights.

Offer a simple style, ask her to buy flowers for it. As far as friendship goes she will not forget your help.

I agree that you cannot do the original design at such short notice, but you are cakey enough to know you can make a beautiful simple cake within the time frame.

Xales Mon 22-Jul-13 13:19:06

She messaged you. It wasn't important enough for her to pick up the phone. You may not even have read the message until today/tomorrow.

She is completely unreasonable.

Message her back saying it is impossible and to get to M&S etc.

babybearsmummy Mon 22-Jul-13 13:21:54

She wants a 3 tier sponge with white icing and LOADS of little pale blue, white and silver flowers cascading down it. I don't have any ingredients for it, cutters for the petals of the flowers she wants, icing etc as I just wasn't expecting or planning to do it. I might sound a little PFB about going to the suppliers for everything, but they do give good offers on everything and I really -- can't be bothered-- don't want to drag my dd around shops in this heat looking for everything in this heat and she's just cut a new tooth too, so she's not little miss cheerful today!

Going to brave having a chat with her this evening.

lljkk Mon 22-Jul-13 13:23:29

yanbu, just say no. If she comes back & begs then you could explain the various obstacles & see if she can provide solutions.

I had no idea cakes were so complicated. I barely remember anything about mine.

babybearsmummy Mon 22-Jul-13 13:24:59

And I'm just as curious about the other bakery as to why they've pulled out, all she's said to me is they've pulled out and could I help her out. I haven't had any time to reply to her or call her to find out what's going on as I said about my daughter has been my priority this weekend with her teething and keeping her cool and happy with the heat at the mo

seanbonbon Mon 22-Jul-13 13:25:36

Um, at this stage I'd be telling her to go to M&S! That's what I did for my wedding; buy 3 plain white celebration fruit cakes add ribbon and top with flowers. (But then I was the opposite of a bridezillawink)

seanbonbon Mon 22-Jul-13 13:27:41

I'm sure your friend can buy silver blue any colour flowers at a specialist shop. It would be nice to help her out but just not feasible at this stage.
Do yourself a favour!

diddl Mon 22-Jul-13 13:28:29

Although I don't think she really deserves consideration, but if you're not going to do it-I& I don't think you should-then I think I'd be telling her now tbh.

GladbagsGold Mon 22-Jul-13 13:28:58

Get her to ask Louissa off the apprentice!

Mumsyblouse Mon 22-Jul-13 13:29:23

I think I'd tell her asap. Of course you are in the right, it's up to you if you don't do it, but she does need to know this as I suspect she does now think you are doing it if she texted last week and you had all weekend to think about it. Don't delay because it's an uncomfortable situation, call her now and sort it out and offer some good suggestions (M&S or Sainsbury's cakes plus some extra flowers would be lovely).

MortifiedAdams Mon 22-Jul-13 13:29:48

It really is quite unrealistic to land you in this now and she cant be upset if when you decline.

If you would really like to help, look at what you have in stock and just tell.her you could do X or Y based on what is in your store cupboard.

Are you attebding the wedding?

RaisingChaotic Mon 22-Jul-13 13:33:41

YANBU It's your reputation that would be on the line if it went wrong.

I do agree you should tell her now.

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