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to say no to this request from a friend?

(1002 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:16:33

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

grabaspoon Sun 21-Jul-13 10:18:06


She's a cheeky cow

I would offer to do it for a fee grin

CatelynStark Sun 21-Jul-13 10:18:06

That's extremely cheeky. I'd tell her to bog off.

RandomMess Sun 21-Jul-13 10:18:57

Yes she's being cheeky!!!!

SaucyJack Sun 21-Jul-13 10:19:32

She's a legend.

But no, YANBU.

5madthings Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:01

Cheeky cow!! Yanbu

ParkerTheThief Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:08

Very cheeky.
There's no way I would help.

RememberingMyPFEs Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:16

How many people has she invited? If its a very small wedding on a budget then I think I'd help out a real friend. But, if its a big/ plush affair then I'd be inclined to not waste my precious time helping out someone who didn't think enough of me to want me there to help celebrate...

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:20

She need to feck off.

Although you've saved the date now, so be careful with your excuse..!


OwlinaTree Sun 21-Jul-13 10:20:55

No you are busy. What a cheek!

Shellywelly1973 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:21:03

I wouldn't do it. She's being rude. I wouldn't offer an explanation as to why you can't help.

MorphandChas Sun 21-Jul-13 10:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RobotBananas Sun 21-Jul-13 10:22:09

Just laugh at her... After all, she can't possibly be serious, can she? smile

TidyDancer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:22:38

There are about 80 people invited and 100 save the date cards went out. So nope, not a small/budget wedding.

May need mumsnet assistance for a good excuse! wink

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Sun 21-Jul-13 10:22:42

The cheek!
Just say that you're busy as you had saved the date so booked something else to do when you weren't then invited.

PoppyWearer Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:09

Arf - yes, that's why she had you save the date!! grin


FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:31

What grabaspoon said. Tell her your hourly rate is £30 and you have a minimum booking of 3 hours grin

SanityClause Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:51

I don't know if it seems petty not to do it, and I can see why you are struggling with it.

I do think it's bloody cheeky of her to ask you to do it, if that helps.

cuttingpicassostoenails Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:04

Dear Friend,
Thank you for the kind invitation to decorate your wedding venue. I fear I must decline.



pigletmania Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:06

No cheeky so and so, no is a whole sentence. You could say yes, only if I'm invited to,the wedding. The audacity of some is shocking! So she sent save the date cards no because she wanted to invite those people, but because sew anted the whol world and their dog to know about her wedding. That would b a dealbreaker for me

meganorks Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:26

So she sent you a save the date to ensure you saved it to decorate her venue?! Rude beyond belief! Tell her to do one! And maybe point out to her that this is not the purpose of save the dates.
I have been wondering about save the dates myself and whether to send to people only planning to invite to the evening or full day guests only. So sending to people you have no intention of inviting is just unbelievable!

Aquamildred Sun 21-Jul-13 10:24:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toxicoverload Sun 21-Jul-13 10:25:09

Absolutely not.. no way. So cheeky. Why did she send out a save the date. Brag?

I would say 'I have plans that day, sorry'. I wouldn't even care that she might think the date is free.

The only way I would help if they lost their jobs of something in the meantime and as a result are having immediate family only. I doubt this though.

sweetestcup Sun 21-Jul-13 10:25:32

Of course you aren't being unreasonable! Just when I think Ive read about every possible bridezilla and entitled behaviour here up pops another! Cheeky and trying it on, she sends you a save the date card - so I presume this is what you did, doesn't invite you after all, and then expects you to help her decorate....some people really don't think or care about others feelings. I hope you tell her where to shove her decorations!

DameFanny Sun 21-Jul-13 10:26:37

"oh, what a shame. When we realised we didn't need to save the date after all we made other plans. Do have a lovely wedding"

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