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to be ticked of with my SILs behaviour following my miscarriage?

(30 Posts)
TheHormonesMadeMeDoIt Sat 20-Jul-13 16:56:14

I had a MMC just over a fortnight ago and had the actual MC just over a week ago, my SIL knows this, and knows about my ectopic pregnancy less than 6 months ago. Yet when she came over today as she normally does as the weekend, she gave me a home foetal heart moniter machine that she had for her girls. When she gave it to me I just looked at it and said "well I've no need for it now do I?" and started to walk away, she said "just put it away for when you do" and that was that. I refused to use it when I was pregnant with DD so I don't even know why she thought I would want it if I was pregnant, let alone imediatly after a MC
I feel so hurt and upset and I just can't seem to stop crying again today, I was starting to get my head together the last few days but I feel like I'm back at square one. I've managed to avoid her for most of the day (DH and I live with my MIL so not been too hard - we lead a complicated life!) because I just feel like if I talke to her I am going to lose the plot completely and I can't do that with her 2 children around and my 2YO daughter. She's just gone home now but I am still so upset. AIBU?

wintertimeisfun Sat 20-Jul-13 20:35:35

sorry for your loss flowers. i think (from my own experience) that alot of women can feel awkward and not know what to say so say/do something well meaning but unintentionally really upset you. you are going through the emotions/hormones of your loss so her timing stank. i don't know what to suggest as it depends on her personality and your relationship with her but it will come out in the wash (as they say), just give it time. allow yourself space to mourn your loss. best of luck with everything

LilyAmaryllis Sat 20-Jul-13 20:41:11

Awful. And the last thing you want to do is put it in a drawer and then keep coming across it at the wrong time. Either take it to a charity shop or ask MIL to return it to SIL, I reckon.

Look after yourself, you've had a rough time.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 20-Jul-13 20:43:24

YANBU. I had a MMC last February so appreciate to a very small extent how your feeling.

My own sister said some disgraceful things to me when i told her i had lost my baby. It really hurt but in some ways Im glad as it made me realise how awful she is.

I really feel for you...

Take care.

Dorris83 Sat 20-Jul-13 22:38:22

YANBU OP, I had a mmc at the end of 2011 and it broke my heart. My erpc happened the same week that two people at work announced they were pregnant. Then a few more a few weeks later, it was hard seeing so many pregnant people. I too got lots of 'at least you can get pregnant' and was also told (by a friend) ''just say congratulations' when I confided that I was shaken by one of the pregnant announcements (the day I got back to work post erpc)

People genuinely don't know what to say, and they often don't understand so they say and do the wrong things.

I'm so sorry that you lost your baby.

whatever5 Sat 20-Jul-13 23:30:20

I agree that she was very tactless but I think that she probably thought that it would help you look to the future.

I had three miscarriages (over ten years ago) and I still remember many of the stupid comments/actions from family and friends. I didn't tell anyone about the third miscarriage and it was a lot easier to deal with as a result. In my experience many people are clueless about what to say or not say.

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