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AIBU about visiting DC and food?

(131 Posts)
SnailsInMyPaddlingPool Sat 20-Jul-13 14:49:30

I look after DNephew (3) unofficially, usually 1-2 days a week, though it varies. As a result of SIL and BIL's working hours, DNephew is usually left with PIL for most of the weekend (11am-11pm). Poor PIL are going through a really hard time at the minute, and to give them a break and for the benefit of my own DC, I often bring DN to our house to play. Sometimes I am asked and sometimes I offer, it's nice for the cousins to see each other, etc,etc. This has been going on about 6 months plus.

The only issue is that DN will eat nothing but chicken nuggets,potato waffles, and bananas, and will only drink fruit shoots. This means that I have to buy all of the above specifically for DN's visits, as we do not eat them (except for bananas). We are on a very tight budget and cook from scratch. Living in an area with limited shops means we often spend a fiver or more on foods which are only for DN, while my DC eat the food which I have budgeted and planned for. I know it doesn't sound a lot, but it is to us. The chicken nuggets have to be a certain type- made and sold by the local butcher, so 3.50 for a box of about 10- the issue is DN will easily eat the lot in one day, as he has them for both lunch and dinner and they are quite small. The potato waffles and fruit shoots are less of a problem, because they will keep until the next time, but even so I still end up having to buy them every other week at least.

I don't often get to supermarkets, but I have tried to buy cheaper substitutes to keep for DN, but SIL found out and I got the impression she was not happy as it was poorer quality and apparently DN can tell the difference. Also tried saving the fruit shoot bottles and filling with dilutable squash, but DN refused to drink it.

For a few weeks I tried giving DN no chicken nuggets and offering him what my DC were having. He refused to eat it and was apparently up most of the evening "sobbing with hunger"- SIL kicked up a bit of a fuss and was derogatory about my own family's diet.

Basically...AIBU to expect SIL to therefore send round food for her son or accept that he will have to eat as we do? I feel as though I am being horribly petty and tight, but we really are poor at the minute and have to be so careful with our own food budget.

trikken Sat 20-Jul-13 18:26:22

Agree with refilling the fruitshoot bottles. yes sil should buy the food if she isnt happy with the food on offer.

SnailsInMyPaddlingPool Sat 20-Jul-13 18:43:18

SIL has been and gone. I asked her if she was working next weekend and she said yes. So I very politely said 'well, I tried DN with other food today and he wasn't having any of it, so if you don't mind would you send round some nuggets etc for his dinner next week". SIL looked at me blankly and asked why. I told her that as he wasn't eating the same as everyone else I thought it was better if he just ate his own food from home, as it was getting expensive to keep buying seperate food from my own DC. SIL goes 'it's only a few chicken nuggets!".

I reminded her that they were specific, fairly pricey chicken nuggets considering we were short of cash at the minute. SIL at this point sort of snorts at me and said that was 'funny, coming from the woman who had enough money to hire a bouncy castle for DC birthday'. I had money off vouchers for the hire of bouncy castle in question, and my aunt offered to pay for the remainder as a birthday present for DC. SIL knows this as I was telling them all about how chuffed I was at aunt's generosity when I booked it last week.

So I asked SIL if she was suggesting that I cancel my child's bouncy castle in order to pay for her son's chicken nuggets (by now it's just getting surreal). SIL says that's not what she meant and that she thought most aunts and uncles would be delighted to see so much of their DNs. I reiterated that minding DN wasn't the issue, it was the constant buying of specific foods. SIL tells me that my hissy fit over a child's meal says more about me than it does about her. I try and end the 'discussion' by saying that either way I'm not prepared to keep buying the food and that DN is more than welcome to share the homecooked meals which I will provide.

SIL says that her son will never eat the 'healthy' (said in sneering voice) crap I feed my family and then goes 'oh just LEAVE it' and storms off with poor DN in tow.

No idea what to do next, think I will do as other posters suggest and just feed him what we're eating. The chicken nugget buying is at an end :D DH is out at the minute but will update him when he comes home and he can sort out any further issues with SIL

amiwickedwitch Sat 20-Jul-13 19:03:21

OMG can not believe your sil.

YANBU to expect her to provide food if dn doesn't eat what your having.

LookMaw Sat 20-Jul-13 19:08:21


Your SIL is nuts.

CSIJanner Sat 20-Jul-13 19:08:57

Rude, entitled, ungrateful caaahhh

Is it your DH's sister that's the relation of a brother? I think it's time to break out the hubby guns and get him to have a word

ComtessedeFrouFrou Sat 20-Jul-13 19:11:39

OP your SIL is a loon, and an ungrateful one at that. It's such a shame that your DN is the one suffering because of her attitude (I am not suggesting for a moment that you are in any way to blame for any upset he feels). If she wants a childminder and to dictate what he eats and drinks, he should bloody well pay for it. I'd be willing to bet that he wouldn't rush to return the favour for your DCs.

If you're happy to keep minding him, feed him what you and your DCs eat and stick to your own house rules. You'll be doing your DN a massive favour not to mention your ungrateful witch of a SIL

ComtessedeFrouFrou Sat 20-Jul-13 19:12:28

Sorry, she should pay for it, obviously.

coronalover Sat 20-Jul-13 19:13:28

What a fucking cheek!!!
How dare she question you getting a bouncy castle for your DCs birthday! She seems to think you should be grateful to her for looking after DN not the other way round, how much more pfb can you get!
I'm outraged for you and definitely a good idea to get your DH to sort it out.

pigletmania Sat 20-Jul-13 19:15:18

Oh my god what an utter cow. It's not your dn fault that his mother is a bitch. I would not buy the nuggets and just feed him what you feed your family, if he won't it it tough, he can ave fruit, sandwich or cereal. What a nasty piece of work

pigletmania Sat 20-Jul-13 19:16:29

I wouldn't look after him as often or just see him when he is at your parents, she should pay for a CM

cheerfulweather Sat 20-Jul-13 19:18:08

How very entitled she sounds. She gets free childcare and expects you to provide special food and drink at your own cost, as an occasional expense I'm sure you wouldn't mind, but regularly! She is taking advantage.

Stick to your guns on this one. And it's none of her business where you choose to spend your money.

ihearsounds Sat 20-Jul-13 19:25:50

She is nuts.
She needs to find proper, paid for childcare.
She is very ungrateful, entitled and selfish. She has no care about the effects that her demands have on anyone else.
Pandering to her pfb in your home should not be a permanent thing. You then run the risk of your own dc's also wanting different meals and special treatment.

SisterMonicaJoan Sat 20-Jul-13 19:32:54

She's a piece of work!

It's obvious she resents you for some reason - can you think what? Is it the birthday bouncy castle for your DCs? Or something much deeper?

Can't believe that you are supposed to be grateful for minding her DS!! It's lovely that you do and why but she doesn't get it, does she - she's getting free childcare (long term arrangement and at the weekend!) and less spend on the weekly shop due to you / your PIL feeding him.

Definitely go with getting your DH to sort this out with her, she doesn't respect what you're saying.

Good luck!

cloutiedumpling Sat 20-Jul-13 19:41:03

I'd just feed DN the same food as the other kids and explain to the SIL that you don't have time to go to the butcher as well as the supermarket. You are generously offering to provide free childcare. She should provide the food if DN isn't going to eat the same as everyone else. Does she ever look after your own DC?

Nanny0gg Sat 20-Jul-13 19:52:17

I feel really sorry for your DN, but I would suggest that your PiL and you refuse to have him next week.

See what she says about that.

Inertia Sat 20-Jul-13 19:55:03

She is just incredible !

On which planet is it acceptable to sneer at the relative providing free childcare, just because they cannot afford the very specific expensive food the child will eat ?

SnailsInMyPaddlingPool Sat 20-Jul-13 19:58:35

Thanks for your advice everyone

She's DH's sister. Day to day, she is reasonably normal and an OK person, but she has always had these moments where she is quite the opposite- upon reflection, usually when she doesn't get her own way. The bonkers behavior has become more pronounced post-DN though.

I don't know if she has a problem with me, I can't think of what it could be. I know she dislikes SIL2, DH's brother's wife, but always thought that was a bit of a character clash as they are both quite confident, chatty people who like to organise all the family events etc.

She has taken my DC once I think. Will definitely be letting DH sort it from here.

ouryve Sat 20-Jul-13 20:00:04

Bloody hell. What an entitled bitch she is.

When she arrives next week, if there's no nuggets provided, you hand her the details of local child minders that she would have to pay for and ask her which is cheapest.

Pancakeflipper Sat 20-Jul-13 20:00:18

Cor' she's a charmer isn't she?

phantomnamechanger Sat 20-Jul-13 20:00:44

I don't see why you would continue to offer free childcare never mind meals to this nasty woman who obviously has little respect or gratitude for you. Sneering at your "healthy food" is just pathetic.

Let her find a paid skivvy to pander to her DC and obey her every whim

she owes you BIG time for all you do for her, and is being a spoilt precious brat TBH

(8 years down the line the child will no doubt be sent home from a school trip to the isle of wight for having a secret stash of cold cooked nuggets in his suitcase! )

phantomnamechanger Sat 20-Jul-13 20:03:41

I'll tell her what her problem is with you OP, deep down she is jealous - she feels she has in some way failed as a mum by allowing this ridiculous fussiness over food. She KNOWS you are doing the right thing by feeding your kids a healthy diet, and for whatever reasons her son is difficult, she resents this. Her defence is to be a bitch to you.

phantomnamechanger Sat 20-Jul-13 20:04:20

sorry, should be I'll tell you, not her....

Xihha Sat 20-Jul-13 20:05:52

YANBU. When my kids go over to my mums they eat whatever my mum is cooking for everyone else and if they refuse then they go hungry because a) its not fair to expect mum to cook a different meal for them when she has young children of her own to feed and b) I don't want them to think its ok to be that fussy. (she does try to avoid foods she knows they really hate though). I also give mum a bit of money towards food.

TwoCrazyKids Sat 20-Jul-13 20:09:40

That is unbelievable! YANBU, please dont back down on this one!!

Shellywelly1973 Sat 20-Jul-13 20:24:17

The thing is if the op dosn't look after her dn, will it end up with her pil.being put under more strain caring for the child?

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